You are here

Completely tired of this child

savinlives1atatime's picture

Submitted by savinlives1atatime on Fri, 05/14/2010 - 8:41pm

New to this site, but wanted to get other's opinions on this matter. I married my DH almost a year ago knowing he had a 5 year old son. I have an 11 year old daughter from a previous marriage. My DH didnt find out about his son until he was almost 3, and is now paying ungodly amounts of CS. His BM is complete trash, and my SS is ALWAYS sick with anything from colds to head lice for 7 months.I am extremely clean and organized and i dont want to have to clean my house because of exposure. We didnt see him because of the head lice, I absolutely dont want that child anywhere near me or my daughter. When my DH does spend time with him, he is the biggest brat, doesnt listen or mind, and the DH just tells him to play with his toys so he doesnt have to spend time with him, then DH gets mad at me for not wanting him at my house.This child completely grosses me out because of the living conditions at his BM and the constant head lice. I dont even want to be in the same car with him.I would like to think that my DH would not want to expose his family to this, knowing that this child is unwanted by him, and the only reason he spends time with him is to irritate me. Would anyone else want a lice infested, once a year kid at their house?

Comments

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Fri, 05/14/2010 - 8:51pm

I know you understand that at 5, it's not his fault. I also blame many women who allow themselves to bring a child into this world knowing the father did not want the child. She has put this child in a horrible position. Your DH on the other hand is not doing anyone any favors by having him come over out of obligation when he really just tells him to go play. Sadly, the ones to suffer the most will be the 5yr old, you and your daughter. The stress this causes you will not be good for your child, for his or you.

I so understand your feelings. But I also know that it's not his fault at this age, anymore than it's your daughter's fault that her parents are divorced.

Make a routine that at 6pm every Friday, or whatever day he comes over, the kids must shower and put pj's on and watch a movie. This will help you and won't hurt the 5yr old's feelings.

Good luck...

step1's picture

Submitted by step1 on Sat, 05/15/2010 - 10:06am

I know how you feel about the situation. My SD is 12 and she was living with a disgusting piece of garbage of a "mother"! We have full custody now but it took almost 4 years to get her out of there. She would have a head full of lice, filthy matted hair, horrible teeth, soars on her bottom and her feet from not washing and worse. She lived about 9 hours away from us so hubby didn't get to see her that much. When I first met her I was horrified! You know how that feels. Hubby wanted me to love and cuddle this child as if she were my own from day 1. It was so hard to get him to understand that she was a mess. She was (and still is) behind in her education and in her everyday skills and not a loving child.It was hard for me to tell him I didn't want her on our bed or sitting on the sofa with that filthy hair and lice. It will take a while for your DH to see things as they are. Like my husband I'm sure he is dealing with a lot of guilt and hurt. Also he might be unwilling at this point to hear about SS's faults...even if they are OBVIOUS. It is true that it is not the boy's fault that he has lice but it's not your fault that you have to deal with turmiol this situation is causing. Talk to your DH. Communication is the best tool you have right now. There will be hurt feelings and anger along the way but that isn't your fault either. Hang in there, it gets better...trust me.

jojo68's picture

Submitted by jojo68 on Sat, 05/15/2010 - 10:58am

Talk to your DH and if he is in agreement....I would buy a clippers, No.2 comb attachment, shave head (all done outside the house)them shampoo his little head a couple times with lice shampoo. That should take care of the lice. They can't attach themselves if there is not hair shaft. Wash everything in your house. I know it is unpleasant and it isn't your responsibilty, but you know it is not his fault at fiveand would really make him feel better.