You make an interesting point. I have said all along that our BM wants none of the responsibility with raising my kids, but wants all of the accolades. DH and I instill all of the values and work ethic and correction. BM wants NO and when I say no I mean NO responsibility. She doesn't want to talk to SD about her period or buy a pak of sanitary napkins for that matter. She doesn't want to buy a book or put in any time with HW. I guess it is just as well as they prefer me to help them even over DH. YET she struts, naw peacocks strut, she wobbles (is that what pigs do) around like a dog whenever the kids are receiving an award (which is often) to say "I'm the mom! I'm the mom!" When she has put nothing into the children towards what they are receiving the reward for. I used to get mad, but I realize people who KNOW us and KNOW that the kids live with us, KNOW that I am the primary influence here and that DH and I instill these values in them. All others don't matter.

It would piss her off to know that when she is not around and the kids introduce me to their friends they refer to me as their "MOM." So, I say all of that to say this. I AM their MOM and women ARE territorial.

People who get on HIGH Horses will find the fall to be painful. ~ME :->

its hard to have those feelings for a child thats not yours, and just bc u married their dad does not automatically transfer those feelings of unconditional love. all we have to do, i think, is help take care of them when we have them and support DH in being the best dad he can be. they already have 2 parents who love them unconditionally...we are just one more loving adult in their life, but by no means are we a substitute parent. at least for those who dont have full custody. and even w that, i take care of my SS, love him, help w his homework, take him to practice, but im not looking to replace his mother. he respects me more as dads cool wife, i think. and thats fine w me!

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

about skids. I think that it is healthy to vent about our problems and feelings with skids. Rather that than possibly taking it out on them. I dont hate my skids and i really dont think any of us "hate" the skids.........we hate what they do. Also if someone doesnt like the way we choose to discuss our thoughts and feelings than dont read it. Just my opinion.

You don't have to love someone because you're expected to. And you have every right to feel the way you do about them. I guess though, I wonder why it is you feel the way you do? Do they disrespect you? Do they make your life miserable? Maybe you could describe more what it is that causes you to feel the way you do about them?
I have a great relationship with my ss's 12 and 13. I never thought I would. When I first started dating their dad, I wouldn't meet them until way way later on even though he wanted me to much earlier. I was prepared to not love them, but to just tolerate them and peacefully co-exist. But I've grown attached to them and have grown to love them for the unique people they are. I never thought it would happen because I never imagined I'd be a sm, let alone one that as so involved in the skids lives.
In our case, we were kind of thrown in together and forced to be together w/o fh around so we've developed our own relationship, separate from fh. It really has done wonders to help us come together and form a family unit that stays strong even when fh isn't around.
Maybe if you were in a situation where you had to interact more with them you could develop a better relationship...if you wanted to. I mean, are you happy the way things are or did you want to change things?