I'm sorry but he is just funny...and sad all at the same time. Go see your movie dear. Being disengaged means not being a doormat. It means choosing things that make you happy without stepping on anyone else so it's a difficult dance. You can be there selectively when YOU are ready to be there OR when people in your house begin to respect your presence more. It's an uphill process and you'll slide back and do things like make dinner for his kids after you've been in class every now and then...and that's ok. You just have to keep a steady head about how far you want to disengage.

Enjoy your movie my dear

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland

If being home means you're going to get sucked in, then leave. They're taking advantage. Why should you spend time with them if your only role in the family is to be the only responsible person so they can all be friends and have fun while making you miserable. I don't know your entire situation, but here is my rule of thumb - if you aren't respecting me and you aren't following the rules I've laid out, then I can't be responsible for you. Sorry, that is just the way it is. If your dh doesn't support or back you and make them aware that you are a parental figure and they need to listen to you AND when he is there he needs to step up, then you can't ensure their safety and therefore should not be responsible for them. Maybe dh will step up once he (and they) realize how much you do for them. It had a real impact on SD5 when she came home from school one day and asked if she could play outside and I said "no, sorry, you don't think you have to listen to me and therefore I can't be responsible for you outdoors, you'll have to wait for your parent to come home". DH got home well after her bed time so she stayed indoors. I was able to disengage and be here because dh supports me. I'm not always disengaged. Sometimes I choose to do things for SD5 (like be a homeroom mom or get her all dolled up) He'll ask occasionally for me to watch her because he has to work. If it is at a time when I have chosen to be disengaged, he explains to her exactly what I will and will not do for her before he leaves. She is slowly learning that life is a lot more fun and a lot easier when she is being respectful because when she is not, I take care of her basic needs and make sure she is safe, but nothing more.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

I completely disengaged from my sd5. It had helped me tremendously!!! Stress free!!! Let fdh wprry about his princess. The only thing was, fdh resents me now. Thinks I hate his daughter (fdh always thinks in extremes - there is no middle of the road for him). I've told him time and time again. I don't hate your daughter. She is actually a pretty good kid. What i hate is YOUR lack of parenting her when she does something inappropriate, and then you expect my son to take the fall for her (going beyond his involvement). That's what I hate. So...what did I do??? For the last 3 months I have been avoising her eow like the plague. I will leave the house as soon as I can and come back shortly before bedtime. What ever it takes to keep the peace for the weekend. It's working for me, but not for fdh. He wants us to be a family. Minus the bickering and conflict. Sunshine and roses.

Personally disengaging has been my mental and emotional godsend, but it's been my fdh's undoing. Do what you need to do to get the point across...sometime our men need a good swift kick in the ass. The one thing I really like about my fdh is he can admit that he doesn't want to hear/see the truth b/c it sometimes hurts.

It is really tricky for sure and he's going to act all pissy about it because somehow they get it in their heads that it is your responsibility when it really isn't. I know when we sign on to marry or be with a man that has kids and vice versa we are committing to them too, but it is a two way street. I think the most common move in the world for biodad's in a step situation is to offload all the 'women's work' on the new spouse and then avoid the work required to give the new spouse/gf all the authority and respect that should accompany it. The only way I know of to get it, if they aren't handing it out willingly is to show them that you aren't going to accept it...which means taking a stand until they 'get it'....the fact that he is acting disgusted or trying to hook you into the subservient yet disrespected role tells me he hasn't 'gotten it'. Don't give in until the confrontation happens and he agrees with your main points...you will likely have to lay it out in black and white so to speak.