I screwed up....
I said something awful to my husband's kid. After 7 years and even me moving out a year ago, I've tried so hard to make it work. I keep saying I'm done then his kids whom he has full custody of need something and I cave. I allow them to come to my home that he really contributes nothing to, then I end up getting so upset I have to ask them to go. I blew up night before last. I think I'm ready to be done permanently.
I've been through hell with him and his 3 monsters. The oldest got mad and made a false report to child services. The worker came out and said there's no problems here. The stepdaughter was caught pinching herself to create bruises after the school stupidly told the little manipulator that they doubted she'd been "beat" because there were no bruises. She ended up in a mental hospital and then received behavior modification therapy. It was an intensive program in which a child therapist spent 10 hours a week in our home for 3 months. At the end of the 3 months this therapist sat at our kitchen table holding her head in her hands and said she felt like she failed stepdaughter. This therapist actually recommended stepdaughter be placed in a long term residential facility. I didn't want her drama effecting my bio kids so we moved out. At 14 sd refuses to shower, if she does her hair is not washed properly-still greasy. We tried making her get back in and repeat showering until it is really clean but that's not always possible. She refuses to wipe when she goes #1 so she always reeks of urine. She pees herself and sits in it even though she knows she isn't going to get in trouble. We always just asked her to shower and place the dirty clothes in washer.
His middle child is 12 almost 13, pees himself and won't say anything. Has a hard time with speech. You cant walk out of a room without him and the youngest getting into trouble. I literally walked in on his youngest daughter peeing on my clean laundry basket of clothing in my room in my new home. When we lived together I caught his youngest peeing on the bathroom rug RIGHT in front of the toilet. All 3 are lazy. The younger 2 act very delayed but have been tested.
I have a n enormous amount of patience as my bio son has severe autism but these stepkids and their dad have broken me down. Sorry so long. Needed to vent. Crazy first post I know.
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This isn't normal and i would
This isn't normal and i would suspect dad of molestation since all of his children do nasty things to make themselves unattrative to their predator. 1 child may be mental illness, 2 maybe but all 3? Something very wrong has happened to those children and if not dad then someone hurt them. It maybe best for you to end this relationship since you have bios and they shouldn't be exposed to that.
That was my first thought too
That was my first thought too!
These children are obviously
These children are obviously disturbed. Did the therapist give any report on the SD that she believes she 'failed'? Have they been diagnosed with anything or mental health issues? Where is the mother in all this. So many questions sorry.
SD that used to live with us had some similar issues but on a much milder scale (no peeing on herself etc). She did not wash herself and If she showered she was still dirty. I caught her once having only put the shower on and not actually getting under the water but then acting like she had showered. (I didn't go in there obviously but I set some situation that would give me enough evidence as I suspected her of doing this). She did not wipe properly if at all after using the toilet and she smelt bad plus her dirty underwear stank and was yellow and brown heavily stained.
It's quite a common complaint with stepkids and I have over the 8 years I've been on this site seen it come up a lot as an issue. I have no idea why they do it but my suspicion is 1) attention 2) just to get at you once they realise you don't like it and 3) Passive aggressive behaviour. We never managed to deal with it successfully and our attempt to just gave her ammunition to twist our words and her version of events to then accuse DH (strangely not me) of being psychologically abusive because we had asked her to shower more and told her that there was a hygiene issue. My DH dealt with it and spoke to her about it and he NEVER shouted or was mean to her over it. We were patient for 3 years trying to deal with this but it never improved. I believe it was a long term campaign she was waging to get rid of me. She showed a lot of mini wife behaviour and even wrote a nasty email to DH part of which told him that I had to go.
So, back to your problem OP. As all 3 skids are showing various disturbed behaviour there must be some deep seated problems or events. Surely the therapist has some insight into this? Otherwise there should be some further deeper psychological analysis as to what has happened there.
Your husband has no break from these kids? They never go to their mother ? That makes it difficult to disengage etc. I think you should keep your bio kids away from them. You sound like to have been very patient and tried hard but sometimes we just have to accept that its not going to change and move on. Your bios must come first with regard to the skids. They need to be protected from this and it was good that you moved out.
What does your husband have to say about it all and what is his role in trying to deal with them?
I am the biggest adovate for
I am the biggest adovate for trying to make it work. I am always trying to suggest compromises and seeing things from the other person's point of view.... But I really think you need to move out again. If you want your marriage to work, then you can live nearby and spend time when the kids are gone together but what is going on in your home is not normal, safe, or something you or your BS should be subjected to. Do the kids ever see their mom? If not, you just have to cut your losses here. I am so sorry you have had to go through all of this!