VENT: AH mad I'm done running around to change SD15's plane ticket
AH (asshole husband) asked me to change SD's multi-city spring break flight to a round trip because now she wants to attend an event the weekend she's supposed to fly up. We pay the unaccompanied minor fee because she hasn't been taught any sort of independence. That means she can't fly the last flight of the day and she won't even be able to attend the event because BM is going out of town.
I have two toddlers that are very grumpy, my boss trying to talk to me about work opportunities, and absolutely no help today. I'm giving him all these options and as he is saying that they are okay, he's immediately calling or texting to say why it won't work. I was about to make a THIRD call when he told me that won't work, either.
I finally gave him the phone number, said to use the confirmation number, and the PIN I set up. Then he starts to text me and saying "sorry I asked for your help Ill do it myself" (implying he's sooo busy at work) and all these condescending things as if I'm not the one putting in all the work with literally no information. SD visiting is already high stress, but of course they have to try to alter plans and give me no info while they do it and AH gets huffy at me for "not helping."
Edit: SD also has to stay in my toddler's room because my leeching, loser BIL is staying in her room if he doesn't move out by then.
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It took me a while to realize
It took me a while to realize but for men 'helping' often times means 'do it for me'. This is that emotional labor that women take over in a household. I want you to assist him in doing this he wants you to do it for him so he doesn't have to deal with the stress.
One of the earlier fights in our relationship was me trying to explain to DH that I did not hate SD I hated the stress that came with her visits. I hated the last minute plan changes I hated figuring out the logistics and I hated the wasted time because we could not plan things ahead and because BM kept changing things. Now he keeps most of this stuff to himself to not transfer the stress on to me, thank God.
It sounds like he needs reminding that you aren't his secretary.
Yes, that's exactly what it
Yes, that's exactly what it is. I only work PRN, so extremely part-time at the moment, and he always acts so self-important because he makes the money and acts like his job is so stressful because he's a top manager. I told him that's great he works 60 hours a week, but I work 168 hours a week AKA 24/7.
I just want to give you a hug
I just want to give you a hug and tell you I have been there!
Let it go and let your husband deal with it. REALLY what needs to happen is that he needs to tell SD that tickets have been purchased and that is that. The end. It shouldn't even be a question. Stop bending over backwards because an inconsiderate teen has snapped her fingers!
Exactly. It is to go to
Exactly. It is to go to Comicon with her friends, too. She also totally ditched her trip with BM (probably issues with SF) and has to stay in my older kid's room whom we are trying to train to sleep in her bed.
Also, he said they let him change the tickets no problem but I was told on 2 separate occasions, months apart, that unaccompanied minors can't be on the last flight of the day in case it's delayed. He said they didn't give him a refund for the fee even though there is no reason for it because she can't "legally" be an unaccompanied minor on the flight he booked.
Usually I would be a stickler about $150 but know he'll be too annoyed to discuss it and will 100% tell me to "just let it go."
Look AH worked it out by himself
Good for him, like the saying goes. Once yoi do a job it becomes yours to do forever. So from now on DH will handle all transportation for SD
I agree. 1) I refuse to
I agree. 1) I refuse to communicate with BM and 2) for the last 2.5 years, there has ALWAYS been an issue with either schedules or tickets flying her up.
((HUGS))
((HUGS))
"Honey, I would do it wrong".
My retired DH critiques the way I do things. Same principle as you making the plane reservations but in our case, it's the way I vacuum, put the groceries away, etc. I realize it's just a habit from when he supervised others but now he's supervising me. So, I agree with him. When he criticizes anything, I say, " Honey, you're right, I do it wrong, maybe you should do it". So, nowadays, he vacuums, puts the groceries away, etc.
In your case, next time SD needs a plane reservation, I'd say, " Honey, you need to do this, I'd probably get the wrong one":. That also lets him deal with SD's schedule changes himself.
What is it with not being
What is it with not being able to leave the manager job at work?! Specifically, AH works with a lot of early-mid 20 year olds who are on their first or second jobs or haven't been in the industry so is constantly giving direction/ repeating himself so he already comes home short tempered most days. We also have a 3yo and almost 2yo and for over a year, he comes home and tells me I'm not "disciplining" them enough/ properly when they throw fits.... Like babies do. Sometimes for no reason!
Also last weekend, I was painting the cabinets and he kept criticizing my active work. He did say my finished/ dried work looked great but while I was in the middle of it, he'd have a "suggestion" or make a stupid comment about how I did it.
I never tell him how to do anything around the house besides remind him to stay tidy like cover things up when sanding. I have just been asking him to "stop treating me like his employee" because I seriously think he can't help but to tell people how/ what to do.
Sigh....
It probably won't get much better if he's like my DH. When the 5 kids were here, he "supervised" them, not that any of them were very responsive. One thing that helped his stress was when he began running but I hesitate to recommend it because it takes them away from home and you have little kids, you need him there. Ours were middle school age then.