No.  That would be IMO a lack of respect for the other adult in the house.  I skimmed some of your older blogs and having a small child that needs a schedule, you can't have skids dropping in any old time disrupting the routine.   If you have any doubts about that , forget them.  

You feel how you feel.

But l ask another question.

Let’s say you marry a man and this man will be your child’s stepfather. Your child’s stepfather tells you that you can’t have your child on extra time. Would you accept that? Would you put up with a man who won’t let you spend extra time with your kid?

It’s not easy.

And it depends on the reason you didn’t want the skids around more. Were they disrespectful and rude? Did he expect you to do eveything for them? Or did you have another reason? It depends on the situation.

You're not wrong. Parents need to ensure their kids are polite and enjoyable to be around. Your ex SO failed you. 

I didn't read your story and am making a very basic response. 

The majority of our partners did not sign up to be part-time parents and plenty of them will jump at every opportunity to see their kids.

My DH was a full-time dad used to seeing his kids every day so he was always ways eager to get "extra" time. 

It took me a little while to realize that *I* didn't have to be there every time they came over and stopped changing plans.

One thing some folks fail to realize is that their NCP partner CAN become the CP and have their children 100% of the time. The CP could pass away or become physically/mentally incapacitated. That is always a possibility. That doesn't mean your partner should allow his/her kids to treat you horribly. 

I don't think you're wrong, OP. One of the most frequent complaints we see from SMs is lack of communication/structure surrounding skid visitation. Most women are planners and like to know about things ahead of time. The more we know, the more we feel included and in control of our lives.

I don't blame your ex for wanting to see his older kids as much as possible. Where he went wrong was failing to consider your needs, failing to communicate, and failing to prioritize the marriage. He sounds like a man who can't balance his parenting AND his adult relationship, and probably should focus on just being a great dad. Trouble is, these men like having a woman around and don't like having to be a single parent. Pretty selfish, if you ask me. He's come sniffing around, hoping to get you to shut up and get back to being his wife appliance/bang maid. No wonder he's single again.

I can see both sides of the spectrum here. I don't know your background/story but from other commenters here it seems you have younger children in the mix. It can get chaotic when unexpected visits and changes in routine take place I know about that all to well.. but then again when we Marry a partner with children from previous relationships or vice versa, the kids kind of come with territory IMO. I know if something was to happen to me and my DH I would want my kids to be able to go see there dad anytime they wanted as I hope hed allow/want the same for me with our children. 

You do in your heart what you feel is best, you will know which route to go. 

Hang in there. 

A visitation schedule exists for a reason.. while that reason is to facilitate a relationship between parent and child it also has an Important influence on allowing a blended couple to have focus time for themselves and their marriage.

I went back and read over your past posts, OP. The problem isn't that you don't want his kids around. It seems you have already done your best given the circumstances (a very small home and three rowdy kids with no rules nor boundaries who treat it like a playground). You have a husband problem but you already know that. He has allowed his kids to ride roughshod over you and your home, given them all the rights, has treated you like unpaid staff, ignores you and your (plural) daughter when they are there, won't even help with her, and expects you to be thrilled when his kids come and cause chaos in your home. 

You left because you couldn't stand seeing your daughter being treated like a nobody and because your house is also your home and you expect to be consulted about things that affect your life. He clearly doesn't understand or chooses not to understand if he thinks you'll go back to him under exactly the same circumstances as those you left for. He somehow thinks he's doing you a favour, right? The man's a loon. I'm very glad to hear that you are not even entertaining the idea of going back. You have embraced your life as a single mother and your daughter will thank you for it

I went back and read all your posts. 

You absolutely were NOT wrong to leave him. Please don't ever think about going back.

This man treated you and your daughter you had together as second class citizens who became invisible whenever his kids were around.

He was not willing to listen to you, go to therapy, discuss ANYTHING at all with you. When I read in one of your past blogs about him just letting the baby scream and cry, and not picking her up, it made me fume!

Stay true to yourself and give yourself and your daughter the best life possible. He is in the past.... leave him there.

My SO does this, too. He wants SS13 with him whenever possible, so as long as they have the ok from BM, he comes and stays with us. I don't like it, but I tolerate it and never object because I see how sad SO is on the days he has to bring SS13 back to his mom's house.

I am planning on blogging a bit more about it because we pay child support and have him about 45% of the time, while, as far as the court is concerned, we only have him 2 nights each week.

I knew how SO felt before we got together, so I kind of have to accept it.

I don't like it, but I knew what I was signing up for. I didn't know that we would just leave the child support situation alone and not try to get the amount decreased since we have him close to half time. That is frustrating, but I will still let it be as it is. SS13 will be 14 in August and then it's just 4 more years before he's 18 and, at the very least, a few hundred bucks cheaper each month.

People need schedules. Adults, Teens, kids, babies... people need predictable schedules in order to thrive otherwise it's pure chaos. Who are you cooking for? Who are you shopping for? What kinds of activities and plan changes are happening because he wants his kids around that much more? What's the vibe in the house? That last one about the vibe- I can tell you I LIVE for the days SS14 is with his mom. I can count down the days to peace and quiet. If my DH didn't follow a predictable schedule for both myself and DD3's sake that would absolutely be a dealbreaker for me. ESPECIALLY after it was communicated that that boundary was important. Minus emergencies- that would not fly.

While I don't think you are wrong for wanting to have some reasonable certainty in your household's schedule.. I think it's also important to understand that the bio parents may at any point become "sole parent".. and you could have the kids full time.

If your reason was that it was all last minute and made it impossible to plan.. I can agree... with reasonable flexibility for emergencies (rare).. I would be ok if my DH had planned in advance for the kids to be there more.. like taking an extra week over the summer.. or extra days as long as it wasn't last minute and interferring with existing household planned comittments.

If you just didn't want them "any more" than his schedule period.. I think that's probably wrong tbh... Not that I blame you for not always loving having his kids there.... because I get it.. it can be a lot more to deal with.. but as the father.. HE should be stepping up a lot more for his kids and not pushing the work onto you.

It may just be that this isn't a relationship for you if you resent any extra time he wants with his kids though.