Every Christmas it's the same
Totally my fault for staying with a man who refuses to set appropriate boundaries.
Every year, he gets up at the crack of dawn to go to his wife's house to watch his only child open up presents !
(Smack in the middle of a VERY expensive divorce)
This year, I learn that he has breakfast while there and opens his gifts and stocking ?!
I don't have children so maybe I don't understand what is usual in these kinds of situations.
I am not concerned that anything is going on between my future dh and his ex, but I don't like how this appears to my family AND his friends/ family. (I understand that this makes me self centered ).
I wonder how he would feel if I acted the same .....
Now I am expected to go to his Mom's and Brother's houses when I want to scream ?
He may have to go alone, because I am not sure I can be nice !
- rottierunner's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Something tells me that if
Something tells me that if the roles were reversed, your FDH might not be so totally thrilled about you going to an ex's house for Christmas morning at all. I get that some people want to keep things as routine and "normal" as they can possibly be for kids when there's a split or divorce involved, but, really? He's going to his soon to be ex's house on Christmas morning to open presents with his kid? If it is so important for him to see his kid open presents on Christmas - why not have the kid for Christmas morning? It seems weird as heck to me, personally. I wouldn't be happy about my SO going to his ex's house to watch SD12 open presents...I would feel very awkward about it. Hell, I feel awkward enough today because SO is dead asleep and I'm sitting around on my computer, playing video games, and doing housework. Merry Christmas to us, I guess, huh?
Sorry, but, I don't think it makes you self-centered at all to be concerned about what other people think of the situation. I'm the first person who will say "your feelings matter the most" in situations like these, but, it is so hard not to worry about that kind of stuff. I worry about that myself with my SO and his GUBM - the way she bullies him and he kowtows to her makes me worry that his family thinks I'm just some stupid pushover who has zero self-respect and doesn't care about being second fiddle to GUBM.
Have you had any convos with him about this?
Totally doing laundry and
Totally doing laundry and housework, too!
I have discussed this with him, but he says he pledged to continue to do this gift opening thing until ?
He basically gave up holidays in the custody agreement, we usually have SD 11 for part of the day (otherwise it is 50/50)
I have asked him that same ?...
"How would you feel if I had breakfast on Xmas morning with my ex? "
His answer: 'this is not about me, it's about a little girl'
Guilty Parenting 101.
Here is the part that really bothers me:
He has breakfast and opens his gifts from daughter.
Oh, god, the "it's about a
Oh, god, the "it's about a little girl" crap comment. Because that makes everything totally legitimate and reasonable. Grr.
Yea, I would be kind of furious over the breakfast and present opening on his part, too.
I'm so sick of guilty daddy's who make unreasonable promises to their children and to their ex's. UGH.
Oh, yes, and I need to add: It isn't your fault that your FDH is being like this. And it isn't your fault that you are upset about this. Eventually, though, you will have to decide if it is something you could possibly live with for the rest of your life (or until his promised time has ended). If so, then, cool. If not, well, you'll know what to do when it is time.
How many years is 'EVERY
How many years is 'EVERY YEAR"? If he's been 'in the middle' of a divorce for many years, might want to move on now.
Otherwise, start something new next year. Tell him ittle girl can wake up at your house and oopen gifts at your house then you'll all go to his moms and brothers and be a family.
WOW He gets out of the bed
WOW
He gets out of the bed you all share and goes over to his wife's house to play family guy??!!!
"I have discussed this with him, but he says he pledged to continue to do this gift opening thing until ?"
Why are you still with him? He has no plans to stop this crap.
I bet BM and her friends get a huge laugh about their yearly tradition that SM allows them to enjoy.
Why not see if mom would let
Why not see if mom would let the SD spend Christmas Eve with dad next year then she could come over to your place for breakfast and present opening........or would that then seem WEIRD to them. If you are good enough to sleep with, and good enough to be his partner, then you are good enough to be part of his family. If you are part of is family then he should take you with him to watch his daughter and your SD open her presents. Now I realise you would sooner stick forks in your eyes than do this, but if you did it for a year or two I bet it would stop. BM won't put up with it. You said he gave up holidays, then that is his problem he does not have the right to make it yours, and he is. Not a good message to be sending the daughter more importantly, this child will be very confused and this gives her hope, presumably false hope that mom & dad will get back together. That's not fair.
Sorry - but I'd be willing to
Sorry - but I'd be willing to bet they are sharing more than the "present opening". I am almost 60 - anytime anyone spend that much time with an ex in pjs (or less) there is bound to be sex eventually. Open your eyes girl - unless you are okay with an open arrangement.