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All the reading in the world, and I don't know what the H*** I am doing

rottierunner's picture

Submitted by rottierunner on Sat, 11/28/2009 - 1:52pm

Ok, I don't have kids. But, now I have a SD, 9.
I really don't get it. I admit that I am intolerant.
I find her behavior towards her Dad: disrespectful.
Everything is an argument, and she never takes responsibility for her actions. Emotionally needy, always has to be the center of attention. (she must say Dada-1,000,000 times a day)(She also has takes over any conversation through (pick one)whining, crying, asking inane questions, etc..etc...
Sometimes, I would rather cut off my own hand than spend time with her.
Watching her from a distance, I can see that she has some good qualities: dramatic, expressive....plus, she is a cutie.
When I think about it, is not really her fault -nobody ever gives her boundaries or consequences.
I understand that I am not parent, both her Mother and Father actively participate in her life and give her both time and attention. SD has dance, gymnastics, an academic tutor, and two decent parents.
SD, though, is unhappy, argumentative, constant "victim"
I really don't care if she likes me, but how she behaves is unacceptable.
I hate her behavior, her sense of entitlement (expects everyone to wait on her), negative outlook (constantly pointng out the negative/finding fault.

At 9 she still announces when she has to go to the bathroom ? "I have to go potty"

Are my expectations too high ?

Comments

startingover2010's picture

Submitted by startingover2010 on Sat, 11/28/2009 - 1:56pm

no, but welcome to stepworld.

and it may not get better.

but, there is a chance, keep your head held high and be thankful for 2 bio parents that are active in her life.

good luck honey Smile

illinillinois's picture

Submitted by illinillinois on Sat, 11/28/2009 - 3:00pm

My SD16 still acts just like that... and its really having a negative effect on my relationship with her mom. Its so hard to not want to get involved when I see the kid manipulate her mom's guilt, or when her mom makes a decision that I just know is gonna backfire... Her mom gets furious with me, tells me to butt out... But its not that easy. Just please have both eyes open because more than likely you're in for alot of strife. Its not getting any easier as time goes by for me...as a matter of fact my resentment of the kid (and in a growing way, her mom) is building as the situation goes on and on without change. You have my sincere wishes of good luck.

christsluv2u's picture

Submitted by christsluv2u on Sun, 11/29/2009 - 1:59pm

Apparently your expectations are too high because your DH and her BM have molded her that way. As long as DH and BM tolerate it, it will never change. Until DH and BM see a problem with it, they will continue to tolerate it, they will not teach her proper behavior and it won't change.

I feel bad for this girl who had some bad molding. She is going to be in for a rough time in school soon, unless she grows up soon. Does this happen at school? If not, she is playing DH and BM for fools and they are playing into it.

Your DH and BM are both to blame. It may be unacceptable to you, but it is acceptable to her parents apparently...so it will not change. Be careful with this guy. This may be his parenting style...and is not something I would want to hook myself to.