Am I overreacting or would you be mad?
DH and I were in the living room talking for like 30 mins after we got home then all of a sudden heard laughing and it sounded like SD12 and her friend were close by and we looked at each other like “wtf?” So we thought they were in the sunporch so DH looks and they’re not then we hear them laugh loud and we opened the closet in the room right next to us and they were in there laying on the floor laughing so hard and said how they had been in there for 30 minutes listening to us.
DH laughed and thought it was funny and when they went upstairs I told him I did not think that was funny at all to try to spy like that.
What if we were talking about something private or something about SD directly?
I am pissed and feel like my privacy was totally violated.
5 minutes or less is one thing, but for 30 fucking minutes they were sitting there listening dead silent and had no clue they were there?
Not cool…
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Eavesdropping is something
Eavesdropping is something parents should teach their kids not to do and punish them when they do. It's more than rude. You should talk about something that will be embarrassing to your husband next time you think you might be listened to and see how funny he thinks it is then. And these guys wonder why nobody seems to like their kids. They don't put a stop to unlikeable behavior.
THIS COMMENT!
Okay that's what I thought too and texted my best friend and she agreed. Good...I'm not crazy then.
"And these guys wonder why nobody seems to like their kids. They don't put a stop to unlikeable behavior."
THAT PART! ^^^^^
I know it makes my DH sad because deep down he knows I do not like being a step mom and I resent her as I'm pretty vocal about the undesirable and innapropriate qualities/behaviors his daughter has.
I hate that it makes him sad, I really do, but I feel she would be much easier to deal with and so much more likeable had initiative to correct this behavior early on been taken, and it's not my job to tip toe around that.
Yea I think it's more odd
Yea I think it's more odd then anything... why would they even want to do that ? My BS who is 12 also has no desire to hide in the closet for 30 mins to spy on me ! lol is your SD immature ? I wish my SD would hide the closet for 30 mins while I talk about her lol!!!! I wouldn't really get worked up over, I would just tell DH that you found it weird ...
It is odd!
I agree it's odd. At 12 I couldn't imagine finding it interesting to sit there in complete silence for 30 minutes laying on a hardwood floor listening to my parents talk.
She is very immature in my opinion. At 12 she still has to be told to brush her teeth and take a shower. She is so completely unaware of her surroundings/super complacent. She takes no initiative whatsoever. Gets bad grades and doesn't care. Lives in filth and doesn't care. She likes to play this role of "dumb/ditzy" and thinks it's funny, mispronounces words on purpose over and over until people point it out and she laughs, acts like she doesn't know how to do anything and overdramatizes it.
All very immature qualities IMO.
Be mad
One of my Skids is an eavesdropper who reports everything he hears to BM. She will then confront my hubs w things we said in private, saying we hurt the kid's feelings. When I suggested someone needed to tell her kid how shady it was to eavesdrop, she said no, we were wrong for not clearing the area before speaking about things we didn't want him to overhear.
Yes, you should be mad. They could've heard a lot that they didn't need to.
"You never want my kid around
"You never want my kid around!" he said, accusingly. "Well maybe it's because i'm expected to do a Secret Service level security sweep of any room in MY home before i can speak!"
WOW!
I can't believe she actually said YOU were in the wrong for not checking! WTF!
Luckily my SD does not report back to BM (that I know of at least?) but it's still weird and an invasion of privacy. Tonight was the first time I've ever actually dealt with eavesdropping from her. It was super disappointing to have to add yet another obnoxious thing I have to worry about from her into my list of a million other obnoxious things she does! UGH!!!
Everytime I try to "find the silver living" in being a step parent she does something else stupid that just backtracks my mental peace and progress of accepting what it is.
"It was super disappointing
"It was super disappointing to have to add yet another obnoxious thing I have to worry about from her into my list of a million other obnoxious things she does! UGH!!!"
That's the problem. Almost ALL kids will do obnoxious things. The only way they stop is if someone teaches them not to. Kids who are parented well don't just keep adding negative traits like a snowball, but CODs with parents afraid to upset them do. That may be part of why they have social problems later in life. Yes, the divorce is a negative, and not being with each parent all the time might be upsetting (although i honestly doubt that because a lot of fathers in intact families have to go away for work with travel or deployment). But it's the parenting afterward that i think messes them up more than anything.
I would be all over DH if I
I would be all of DH if I were you. Though not a hugely unusual thing for a 12yo to think is fun or cute. Parenting... is the solution. This is on DH and DH should bear the pain of this crap and you need to keep your foot up his ass until he deals with it... to your satisfaction. As you should to keep him focused on solving all of the crap that he and his failed family breeding partner have created with this kid.
Agree.
I agree. I tried to correct SD twice in the past over some small things and she just stood there staring blankly at me and it went in one ear and out the other. The second time it happened I decided 'never again.'
It is not my job to correct the behavior he and BM caused by giving her no correction, rules or structure.
I told him in private tonight that I want him to talk to her about that and how it was innapropriate and I'll be following up to make sure this is done and gauge how she reacted.
Hey, Rose_Pedal,
Hey, Rose_Pedal,
I responded, on an earlier occasion, to the posts concerning your immature SD and your husband’s ‘people pleasing nature’, which has created difficulties in establishing boundaries with both his abusive father and his spoiled, under-performing daughter. With your own child on the way, it’s far past time to lay down the law!
Through failing to discipline his daughter by imposing the most basic expectations of cleanliness and the execution of household tasks, your DH is failing as a parent. It’s his duty to teach the girl how to cope as an adult, rather than defending her laziness and infantile behaviour.
With a baby on the way and your mother’s serious illness to consider, it’s mandatory that your husband step up to the plate, deal with his family issues and relieve some of the pressure that you are undergoing!
Your DH appears to be a decent man but he desperately needs therapy to cope with the long-standing difficulties threatening your relationship. The invasion of your privacy, provoked by the unacceptable conduct of his daughter and her friend, was no laughing matter; conduct that he should have should have immediately addressed! In your shoes, I’d have lambasted both of those brats and levied a suitable consequence.
How is your mom doing, Hon? She sounds like such an amazing person!
Love your comments!
Grannyd! I love hearing from you and your comments always bring me peace and clarity!
I agree with everything you are saying. I know my husband is a good man and I know he can be better at this. He hates when other are upset so he will take all that discomfort onto himself. I have watched him struggle in situations where he has had to choose my happiness over his family's by establishing boundaries and having those hard conversations that have caught up with him since he was never willing to have those conversations with them until I stepped on the picture and called it out and there have been times he has chose their happiness over mine, expecting me to just 'brush it off,' and 'be the bigger person.'
NOPE.
I'm not going to allow this, especially with our son coming.
After they went upstairs I told him I want him to talk to her about that and tell her to never do that again; explain to her how that is an invasion of privacy and use the example of: if she were in the locker room at school talking to a friend, maybe about something embarrassing, how she would feel if someone started laughing around the corner 30 minutes later in their conversation and now she's panicking thinking of things she said the whole time.
I do believe therapy would be good for my husband. Not just me. I can't imagine the chains and burden he carries daily trying to please his cruel dad and likely feeling dad-guilt of his own. I will offer to go with him in support. I still have yet to decide how I'm going to address this discussion as I want to make sure it's not coming off as an attack- I don't want him to get defensive.
My mom has had good days and bad but it mostly stable. She was doing SO good at staying out of the hospital for 2 months, then unfortunately she went back for 4 days fighting toxin build up in her liver due to no kidneys filtering out all her meds and dialysis wasn't able to keep up with it. I was by her side the whole time and I know she was grateful for that, yet I was even more grateful for the time with her but it's so hard to watch. I feel she's dwindling away. They found cancer back on her lung again although they said it's very small and hoping to nip it in the hubs with radiation that will start soon.
My sister is in town from Florida so staying with her for about a week so her spirits are up right now and I want to keep it that way.
Thank you for asking. Your kindness brightens my day eveytime. How are you and DH doing and how was your holidays? I always meant to tell you that I used to date a young man in Canada (Ontario) years ago when I lived close to the bridge to Canada. I always loved it up there!
Oh boy. And you think you
Oh boy. And you think you might be overreacting? Seriously? I'd have been beside myself in white hot RAGE! And if DH had been stupid enough to laugh about it, I'd have nailed him to the nearest wall by his scrotum.
There is no effin' way on this earth that listening in on private conversations is, in any way, cute. Does he think that snooping is ok, because that's what she did. Snooping, spying, invading other people's privacy is a massive breach of confidence and not "just a prank", not at her age.
It's time to put the fear of his life into him, scare the shit out of him because it may be the only way to make him understand that boundaries are necessary in a normal couple and that you will NOT be a doormat like him.
I am very angry for you.
Totally wrong to do
What SD did. Now.....Now. What did DH really do about it Let's face facts. SD Broke a trust , broke rules about living in a family home, totally disrespectful to you and DH her BF. To bad DH is sad, who cares about BM. DH IS aSD parent and he has to parent. SD must be punish for this. No a talking too, but a list of something. Cell phone ,, This punishment must be carried out to the end . If you kw=et this go. [ The easiest way out ]. You, DH will lose all control of SD. Then SD will be telling DH what to do.
Id not be mad
Id be SUPER MAD.
Give her a talking to? Oh man take away electronics. That was super creepy.
I hate sneaky people. This
I hate sneaky people. This would really annoy me. I'd point out that maybe SD should be getting more of a life.
Kids do dumb stuff ... the
Kids do dumb stuff ... the more mature, more emotionally intelligent ones with good home training LEARN from said mistakes.
If I were you I'd give DH ONE chance to help his kid understand evesdropping on you/DH is not tolerated and not to do it anymore.
IF she does it again then set appropriate consequences
This kind of reminds me of the time my mom caught me smoking one of her cigarettes I got from her pack out of her bedroom drawer while she wasnt looking and smoked it in my bedroom. She burst in like 'what is that smell?' while I'm still holding the cigarette to my lips.
It was so dumb but I guess my mind was just thinking 'must try cigarette' and nothing registered at that moment about how dumb my actions were.
She calmly talked to me about it - but I stupidly tried smoking cigarettes again....she caught me yet again and she rightfully went on a rampage .... I was so scared I never smoked a cigarette for a very long time after that.
Tried cigarettes a couple more times as an adult and thankfully never got addicted/never liked it.
I also evesdropped on my mom at that same age....wish I never did because it was the night she had her bf over and .... lets just say I wish I could bleach my ears and brain
Some kids are just mischevious not because they're bad or evil but they probably because they have negative influences, they have too much idle time on their hands, they have parents who aren't parenting, they dont have the brain capacity yet to make better choices.
Talk to them first. Give them a chance to correct their behavior. If they keep doing the stupid stuff THEN ... you know what you gotta do