Well, I'm new here. I debated for quite a while on whether to write anything or not, but I guess I'll never get help if I don't, eh? Well, I guess I'll start at the beginning. I've been married to my husband for nearly 3 years. He has a daughter from a previous relationship who is 8, and we have 2 younger children together. He is in the military, so we tend to move quite a bit. My SD (until recently) spent long breaks from school and summer with us. My husband just came back from a deployment, and he decided he would like for her to live with us. That's all well and good. I'm fine with it. His way of going about things is what bothers me most. He's always had this attitude that "she's my daughter and I don't have to answer to anyone. blah blah blah( imagine him huffing and puffing that ) He seems to feel the need to stress this to me as if I'm against him or something? Now. that said, he's done this a few times, but never on quite this scale. there had been visits before that he extended without telling me (remember he doesn't have to consult anyone. blah ) and then expecting me to hop up and reshuffle my priorities and prior engagements to fit his whim. That was before the other kids. This time, he decided to bring my SD out permanently. I'll give him credit. he at least tried to discuss it with me. He asked me my opinion since "[i'll] be the one mostly taking care of her". I calmly offered that it might be better to wait until summertime so she wouldn't have to switch schools and he'd be around more ( he has various schools he's attending right now) to help out. Well, that didn't fly. He turned it around AFTER ASKING ME WHAT I THOUGHT and said "oh what you just don't want her here?" I was so hot about that. I just dropped it. I asked him what he wanted the rules to be. so we laid out rules. Problem is, I'm the only one that sticks to them. My SD is a pro at whining and procrastinating. It can take her 2 hours to eat dinner, but I was raised to do things that needed to be done before you do the fun stuff. So I'm a stickler, and I fight and remind and constantly nag my SD to do homework, to do her reading, do chores, eat and shower and get to bed on time. Why? because he doesn't do that. Then he tells me I'm cold to her. Someone has to step up. He's left me alone with 3 kids. He's put me in position to be the bad guy, but he cracks on me when I follow through. Maybe it's guilt? I dunno. He's actually undermined me a few times. I don't ask much, but when I'm trying to keep the house clean, and decent, and I'm the only one doing it, I dont want people climbing on the counters. Never mind how nasty it is, it is entirely possible to break something if you fall. So I asked my SD not to climb on the counters. A small request. I reminded her one day when she started to hop up "hun. you know you aren't supposed to be up there right?" And my husband turned to her and said " It's ok, just don't do it when [she's] here" My jaw dropped. Am I invisible? You pretty much take on the responsibility of a taking care of a child full time, drop that responsibility on my shoulders, without considering my opinion, complete disregard for anyone but yourself, and then refuse to let me do the job you so willingly gave me? Did that make any sense? I'm jumping around a bit.He made the comment that I act like the babysitter. I kind of feel like it. He makes me feel like I'm here, but I'm not involved in the process. Is that how its gonna be when our kids get older? I forgot to mention exactly what my day consists of now. Maybe I am a weak person for feeling so overwhelmed, and if someone tells me I'm wrong, I'll suck it up. My husband leaves at 5 in the morning. I get everyone up, nag through breakfast, through getting dressed, teeth brushing, shoes, and do you have everything, etc, while feeding 2 screaming babies. See SD off to school. Clean the house, do dishes, laundry, give the babies baths, pay bills, shower, lunch for boys, clean up, run outside errands (shopping, post office etc) put boys downfor nap. Get snack ready, make sure homework is done, check homework, make sure chores are done, nag for SD to finish supper, watch the neighbors kid because daddy said it was ok to have them over without asking me, feed babies, put them down. Husband gets home SD pals around for about 1/2 an hour, then shower time and bed. that's it. I'm doing it all by myself. No offer to help, not even on the weekends. No "sleep in today dear, I'll do breakfast". How do I approach this without causing a massive meltdown again and getting accused of not wanting my SD around or whatever else he can turn it into? He blows this off as an easy thing. He's never had all 3 of them at the same time alone, EVER. If he wanted her here so badly, then why is he going to club meetings and stuff after work instead of doing the parenting thing and helping with homework etc? He's left it all for me. help?