I JUST WANT TO SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!Do all DH's make decicsions with their kid about switching weekends with someone who's NOT the BM and then ask you how you feel and your thoughts on it AFTER THE FACT?!? or is that just my DH??? He told BM's oldest daughter (30) that he would switch days with her so she could see SD9. Even when he knows A. we have plans B. BMs oldest hates his guys C. she has NO RIGHT to have SD D. BM and her oldest are BEST FRIENDS, they live next door to each other so tell me why she needs to have one of our days?!?!?!?! So now we're fighting about this and i could call all my sisters and friends and vent to them but he doesn't have friends like that so i'm the only person he can talk to and all i want to do is scream at him right now. ugh.
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What a dumbass!! Don't
What a dumbass!! Don't scream at him, but calmly let him know that you are keeping your plans and he can see SD9 on his own time since he made a unilateral decision.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
What plans did you guys
What plans did you guys have?
______________________________________
“Got Boundaries?” ~BitchBitchBarbie~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dmbz8LpQry0
I don't quite understand
I don't quite understand what you're saying but let me give it shot.
Adult SD30 is taking over custody on BM's behalf of SD9. She also wants to change the parenting schedule between DH and herself of SD9 which would mean switching weekends.
Is this what's going on?
My FH did this a time or
My FH did this a time or two, even when he knew we had plans. I taught him a lesson or two, I kept the plans and went without him, had fun, made sure to tell him all about it. He didn't do that anymore. I told him I don't make weekend changes without consulting him, so he shouldn't do that to me?
Point made, and taken!
My OH used to do this (with
My OH used to do this (with BM), until I started putting my foot down. If plans had been made then I would go ahead with them, without him if necessary. I made a bigger-really-than-strictly-necessary reaction on a couple of occassions just to get the message through. It's your home that SD is coming to, so you have as much of a say in when & for how long as your DH. Schedule changes drive me round the bend, but a couple of times of "oh, well you'll miss this fab concert I just bought us tickets for, I'll go with a friend instead" or something similar might do the trick!
"God never gives us more than we can cope with, I just wish he didn't have such faith in me!"
YES--DH and BM (in your case
YES--DH and BM (in your case its SD30) update the schedule without talking to you first. It drives everyone like us nuts, but yes, it's an aggravating universal problem.
I'm pretty sure you've already told him he's discussing changes without considering all variables. Your weekend plans being one of them.
Hopefully he'll see the error in his ways and make changes with the whole picture in mind.
The simple way to deal with
The simple way to deal with it is to make a "calendar"...put it on your wall...it should have the days you are scheduled to have her...any other weekend, you make plans...if he switches without consulting YOU FIRST, you continue with your plans...My DH used to do this at the begining..I got fed up...I did this and after a month or so of HIM missing out, while I went out and had fun with friends or whatever, he NEVER again switched without consulting OUR CALENDAR or ME first...it lasted about 4yrs until we moved out of the country...
Do NOT allow someone else to control what YOU do...they can plan their lives, but they have no right to plan YOURS...
*LIKE*
*LIKE*
PS -by the way, even the
PS -by the way, even the weekends he has HIS KIDS, it is HIS responsibity, NOT YOURS...
Thanks everyone. 30yo
Thanks everyone.
30yo daughter is BMs from a previous marriage, not my DHs. The whole reason i'm frustrated is that 30yo can see SD on her moms time, not ours....that plus DH is such a pushover when it comes to BM and her family. BM tells SD to tell DH that she doesn't want to see him while BM is out of town for 2 weeks, she wants to stay with 30yo and DH will agree because "it's what SD wants" uhhhh NO IT'S NOT! It's what BM wants, and SD has told us things that BM has told her to say at least 15 differnt occasions and he continues to allow it to happen. I just want him to wake up and realize he's being manipulated!!!!
ah...well then. The courts
ah...well then. The courts would take the side of DH (if he'd protest) on all counts. SD30 can see SD9 on BM days because that's BM side of the family. And as long as he mantains the same visitation schedule, BM can go out of town and leave SD9 with whoever unless DH has FIRST RIGHT OF REFUSAL.
But its all a mute point if he's not going care enough about the changes.
This has got to be very frustrating. Sorry