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Money changes everything....

robinray's picture

Submitted by robinray on Mon, 01/29/2007 - 11:40am

I've read a lot about issues with money on the postings and it seems to be a common issue for everyone to some degree. In my situation we are expected to pay for any expenses that were not covered in the divorce decree. Small things, you know, things that aren't really important at all like...college, weddings and braces etc. (said with much sarcasm)

While I am a feminist and I think the divorce court is the only institution that sides majoritively with women. (In my opinion this is a good thing because of the single mothers who have been left high and dry trying to raise children on very little money.) However,I think that this arm of our legal system has been exploited as regards people who are in the mid-income range. It seems too me that father's who have worked hard their whole lives are expected to continue financial support for their ex-wives. I personally, have never had a problem with paying the child support but, it really bothers me that we have to pay alimony to a woman who is re-married and has a very good financial base. This is especially aggravating when I see my step children in socks with holes, torn t-shirts and needing any other assistance which she does not provide.

I would like to discuss the parameters of what is considered fair for both sides. I think I have a skewed view of this and need some input to place my views in perspective. Is the love of money the root of all evil?

Comments

sosmomof6's picture

Submitted by sosmomof6 on Tue, 01/30/2007 - 9:38am

I would have to say yes, sadly, money really does seem to be the root of evil when it comes to CS. I agree with what you said about the arm of the legal system being exploited. This is a very hot-button topic!
Both sides have arguments about the money. I think what bothers me a lot is the intrusion of the government/legal system in the issues of family and marriage. I agree that something needs to be in place for cases of rape, abusive marriages, etc. But I also feel that too many people are using this system as a means of power over the other party. Prime example being the BM in our case ;)...who is also married and makes more than double the income my husband does. She will also complain about money...she said that she had to ask her mother to buy a winter coat for SS. She never told us this, if she had, we would've gotten one for him. But we don't see how she couldn't afford it....she pays a charge for an online game every month, and says she goes out for weekly drinks with her friends. I don't think we should have to help pay for that. Child support should be for the child, not extra "splurge" money for the mother, especially one who was just having casual sex with the father...women who know they have no intention of living with or marrying the father. Why should the courts treat that like a marital household? It's just one of the things I don't understand in this situation.

One of my ideas is to have the father put money into a trust fund for the child. Yes, Mom would be financially responsible for part of the child's life growing up. But then the child would also get support from the father when it was time. The child would still receive support from both parents, just at different times. The money would be in the child's control, not the mother's. I know it wouldn't work in every case, but maybe it could be applied to some cases.

robinray's picture

Submitted by robinray on Thu, 02/01/2007 - 10:00am

I really love the idea of the trust fund. It seems a fair way to deal with this issue. Except, I suppose, if you're on the other end and are using this money for your own needs/wants. I think you bring up a good point about the power struggle. It does seem to me that this is where some people get their revenge on their former spouses. I've never been married or divorced before so this is my only experience.

The other thing that seems bizarre to me about the legal system is that some of the items in the divorce decree appear to be unenforceable. I'm referring to one item in my husbands decree that states "nothing can be said to alienate the children's affection". I think this should be enforceable as it appears to be another issue that we all deal with and has the most negative affect on the kids.

It seems that some reform needs to take place in the judicial system to even this playing field. Allowing people to continue with their lives without becoming financially ruined due to a power struggle. Of course, I'm not talking about the women or men who desperately need money just to make ends meet. I just think this doesn't work best for everyone especially any children involved. Love the idea of a trust fund!