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Disengaging is the way to go!!

Reznov's picture

Submitted by Reznov on Sun, 10/21/2012 - 11:10pm

I absolutely love being disengaged! I have to admit, as much as i love DH, I thoroughly enjoy watching him struggle with whiny, disrespectful, tatruming ss4. I just sit back and enjoy the show. It's amazing how relaxed I am when ss4 is acting like he has NO sense and how easy it is to ignore his behavior. 

It's funny how DH's eyes have been opened to just what a pain in the ass his kid is. When I was dealing with ss4's discipline, he was a perfect little angel that could do no wrong, and I was the evil stepmom that was too hard on him. But now that I'm disengaged and DH has to deal with ss4 on his own, he's realizing that his son isn't quite the angel he thought he was. DH is often frustrated and overwhelmed and i don't do a damn thing to help. I pat him on the back, tell him he's doing a good job and carry on with whatever I was doing.

Thank you to all you STalkers preaching disengagement, you have saved my sanity!

Comments

MarriedaBallessWonder's picture

Submitted by MarriedaBalless... on Mon, 10/22/2012 - 12:50am

Well played!

I wish I would have found this site 4 or 5 years ago! I would have been disengaged back then and saved myself years of grief!

It works wonders, doesn't it.

baseballgirly's picture

Submitted by baseballgirly on Mon, 10/22/2012 - 8:49am

I've been disengaged since I've found this website and I got my sanity back!! When his kids come here EOWE, I leave the house if they are in it or I stay home if they go out! His kids were just here this last weekend and I didn't even lay eyes on them once!! I get up for work before anyone else is awake and find stuff to do out of the house until they have gone to bed!!

I'm sure SO is mad because that leaves him here alone with them, but I don't care. They are not my kids. I don't want to get to know them better. I didn't know it would be this hard when we first started dating and I refuse to lose my relationship because a couple of brats annoy the hell out of me every second weekend!! He can deal with them and deal with the reprecussions of his parenting/non-parenting.

If in 10 years time he says "I should have listened to you" or "you were right", that will just be icing on the cake!!! Because he should be following up on them better! He should be teaching them to eat better!! In 10 years, he will have 2 overweight kids and a very heavy conscience because he will be part of the reason they are like that.... like he is know and they are still young. But hey... a big bag of chips keeps them busy and quiet. But I have quit pointing stuff like that out. If he wants to feed them fast food for each meal, go for it. I'm done offering my opinion that gets ignored. If he doesn't want them to shower all weekend, why let that bother me!? Now I don't pay any attention so I don't even know anymore. It's easier to not care when you don't know!!

HadEnoughx5's picture

Submitted by HadEnoughx5 on Mon, 10/22/2012 - 9:26am

You are a breath of fresh air Smile I have been working on disengaging for over a month. I don't do skids laundry anymore, I don't do a lot of anything for them and it's wonderful! However, I do need to work on the comments. This morning I walked into the kitchen and saw SS13 eating jello for breakfast in front of DH. I did say something like ..."jello for breakfast?" I know part of me still wants some control in parenting but I am working on it. The pieces that I have had success with, I totally ENJOY! Wink

Krispey Kreme's picture

Submitted by Krispey Kreme on Mon, 10/22/2012 - 4:46pm

It true! I never even knew such a thing existed and suffered needlessly for decades. It just feels so right! The Holidays are approaching and I'm not dreading them like I always did before. I've outwitted, outlasted and outplayed those awful people. I'm a survivor! I will never let SD41, MIL or anyone else for that matter, spin me up, make me feel inadequate, make me lose my temper or step on me. I've learned to practice this skill (and it is a practiced skill) at work. We have nasty characters here too. I highly recommend detachment. It is the best gift you can give yourself.

MarriedaBallessWonder's picture

Submitted by MarriedaBalless... on Mon, 10/22/2012 - 7:00pm

Me too! I'm not doing jack shit!

I go out of my way to make the Holidays wonderful. I decorate the main floor to look positively magical and I wrap the presents all beautiful all the while making sure there are wonderful treats and a wonderful Christmas dinner.

My step-shits whine and complain about having to put the tree up and take it down. They don't have to decorate it, just put it up. They act like they are gunna DIE!

When my kids were little putting up the tree and celebrating the Holidays was a wonderful time and they couldn't do enough to help and they appreciated EVERYTHING.

My step-shits EXPECT expensive electronics, etc or they pout. I told my H that I'm not doing ONE THING for X-mas. NOTHING. I'm DONE!

racey80's picture

Submitted by racey80 on Sun, 11/18/2012 - 11:34pm

I owe my step kids NOTHING! First of all, their mother had an affair with their dads (DH) sisters Bf, I had nothing to do with it, actually, I met him a couple of years after the fact.
I have been great for 7 years, assisting with transport, buying presents, making decisions, TO BE TOLD by SSK19( shitty step kid) that I'm just some GIRL that married his dad while SSK13 is in the background yelling abuse that we favour ASMESK15 (awesome step kid) over her as we bought her an iPad fir school ( which she needs for next year). ASMESK15 lives with us the other two had the choice but chose BM which is fine. SO shouldn't BM buy the other two SSKS a device?
I'm done, I'm exhausted these SSKS think they are entitled to my attention, money and care, well eff that! I will not be abused anymore. Disengaging rid me of an interfering MIL it will work for these two victims.
Vent- over and out.