Hello everyone! I just stumbled upon this website today after desperately looking for advice to save my sanity after yet another pre-teen morning blow-up. What a better way to find help and support for this kind of thing than talking it over with people who are experiencing the same thing!

First off, better give a short bio. My fiancee and I have been together for 3 1/2 years (lived together for 2), and are getting married this August. I have a daughter (10) from a previous marriage, and my fiancee's three kids are 9, 11, and soon to be 13 years old (two girls and a boy). Being that they are all so close in age, the challenges have only just begun.

When we first met, neither of us were looking for anyone. He just got out of a relationship that was going nowhere, and I had been alone for a year and a half and really wasn't trying to find anyone. My sister and brother-in-law decided to set us up on a blind date, and things just so happened to work out splendidly for the both of us. We have a lot of the same values and expectations, and can talk to each other about anything (our relationship isn't perfect by any means...we have occasional disagreements, and sometimes agree to disagree). The kids also get along for the most part, except the occasional "they're being mean to me" sibling spats.

Both of us come from strong family backgrounds that require respect and neither of us have broken families, so we are both new to step parenting. It's a HUGE undertaking, and every day is a learning experience. I pray every day that I make the right decisions and treat his children as if they were my own, and vise-verse.

I could go on a lot more there, but I'll skip ahead to what brought me here in the first place.

His oldest has developed (should I say has been developing over the years) the bad habit of always being the victim. Everyone is picking on her, she's the only one who gets into trouble, etc. What makes matters worse is that she'll go and whine to her BM about things that go on in OUR house, and BM buys into it and flies off the handle every time. It's getting soooo old!

I have nothing to do with their mother, but that's a whole different story in itself.

What went on at the table this morning during breakfast is what made me want to run up a hill and scream. She jumped her brother's case for sitting in "her" spot after she left the table to get a drink (typical little brother), and then got her feelings hurt when none of them wanted to sit by her (we have a small breakfast nook in the kitchen). I probably shouldn't have reacted this way, but it struck me as funny, so I asked her "Gee, I wonder why...*hisss!*". Wasn't trying to hurt her feelings, but joke a bit and lighten the mood like I always do. Made everyone else giggle, and she was trying very hard not to.

After she was finished with her food, she marched to the sink and dropped the stoneware plate in. It made a pretty hard "bang", and I could see anger building up in her face, so I politely asked her, "Could you set the plate in the sink a little more gently next time, please?" That was the trigger. She then proceeded to squawk at me and argue that it was the fork that made the noise. I told her that I wasn't going to argue, all I ask is that she be a little more gentle with the dishes we all share. At that point she yelled "Never mind then!" and stomped off to her room and slammed the door. I didn't follow her and try to talk it out because she won't listen to what I have to say (I know I'm not her mom, and have never tried to be). She will interrupt and talk over me, and take the role of the victim instead of trying to be reasonable. Please tell me that it's just something that comes along with the age??? :O

Is it really too much to ask that I require all the kids to show respect for our home? I love the girl to pieces, but these little emotional explosions and "poor me" attitude are getting to the point of being unbearable! I realize that there's only so much I can do and can't undo what's already been done, but today's issue is just the tip of the iceberg. Ugh!