What do I do about lazy SD?
So I have had my SD10 all summer (well Sunday night through Friday afternoon) and I can't get her to do anything! She has put on a significant amount of weight in the last year so I thought that when I took her for the summer I would sign her up for Karate and or Swimming lessons. I tried to do the Karate thing with her for a month but I fought her tooth and nail to get her there so I just gave up...especially because I wasn't getting any support from DH. She sits down on the computer for at least 10 hours a day...she won't even go outside and play...sometimes it doesn't bother me because her being on the computer keeps her out of my hair especially because I have two little ones and I babysit a niece of mine.
I just wonder why this upsets me so much when it obviously doesn't bother DH or BM. Thank heavens she is going back to school this week...but it is going to be the same when she comes on the weekends. I just don't want her to have a bad body image...that is hard for kids. I just don't know how to motivate her to be active.
Any suggestions?
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If you are running Windows 7,
If you are running Windows 7, it will allow you to control the times each user can login. I use this with SD16 as she will sit all day at the computer and do nothing.
She gets a couple hours in the morning and a couple in the afternoon during summer. During school will be a few hours in the evening, but not until homework is done.
It's upsetting because you
It's upsetting because you can see the negative impact her weight and laziness is going to have on her later on in life. If you say anything to your DH or the BM, then you're "just picking on her". Oh yeah....I've been down this road. I was told to leave her alone, because I was just picking on his kid and sooner or later she will change. Yeah....sure DH....and I'm a Jet Pilot!
This can be a losing battle without the support of your DH. If you do the grocery shopping, try and keep snacks as healthy as possible. Encourage water over juice or soda (juice is just as bad as soda, it's just not carbonated, so consumption should be limited). And if your taking the little ones on a walk, invite her to tag along but don't be surprised if she says no thanks. That's about all you can do.
And be prepared for your DH to buy her the snacks, soda and crap she may want even if the shopping has been done. I just about hurled the last time DH and I went grocery shopping. His kid has her own special list that included bacon/cheddar squirt cheez. :sick:
i know that no matter what my
i know that no matter what my skids do they irritate the hell out of me because of the mess they leave behind. they obviously aren't doing anything and yet they still cant' clean up after themselves or ss15 will interrupt DH and i or just lurk checking to see if any food is being made/consumed that he wasn't aware of. just their being around irritates me.
take the computer away its
take the computer away its not like she has homework to do in the summer. It won't kill her we survived a long time before computers
ss14 is very overweight. He
ss14 is very overweight. He resents me for cooking healthy meals. I bake every weekend we have him but I won't buy the junk food he's used to. I figure baking is a compromise and I bake things he likes but try to keep it reasonably healthy. He resents me for that too but I cannot bring myself to feed him a lot of junk food.
If DH doesn't support this, I'm not sure how much you can really do about it
wow, sounds like you are
wow, sounds like you are doing all the effort and he does not care. I feel so sad for you. Sometimes you have to just be yourself . If people can't appreciate you, then move on to someone that does !
I get so irritated at the
I get so irritated at the mess and laziness too...BF 10 yr old daughter is very underweight from poor eating habits...she has a plate of food...eats two bites and leaves it there, won't even take her plate to the sink. Last night she won't eat dinner but is allowed to get ice cream...she drips the ice cream on the sofa that I had just finished getting stains off of two days before and leaves the dripping bowl on the table. She is so so lazy...won't do anything...not even feed her pets or clean up after them. Her room, that she spends very little time in, is a complete wolf den and I refuse to clean it again. I have cleaned it several times just to it being completely destroyed in 1 evening. Don't have to worry about her being on the computer all day....no attention span so only a few minutes on the computer and she is bored again whining and crying about there not being anything to do. BF gets irritated too but doesn't do anything. He just says oh one day she'll grow out of it. Me thinks he is dead wrong....I see it getting worse.
My BS is a messy boy too but I have control over that situation...no clean your room, no do your homework, or do your other chores....no play on the computer...works in my house.
Try to only keep healthy food
Try to only keep healthy food in the house. Or, at least, healthier foods. If she will only eat junk food...don't have it in the house. (this may mean taking over all grocery shopping duties). Believe me...kids will eat when they get hungry enough. Also be sure to be a good example. Let her see you eat healthy food, too.
If SD won't take care of "her" pets...they need to find another home to live in. I am a HUGE pet person...have a cat and dog. I would love to have more, but 2 pets and 3 kids are enough for me to take care of right now! I saw a good idea posted somewhere on here about getting the kids to clean their rooms, but it involves allowance. Have a weekly deadline of when the room needs to be cleaned. Anything left uncleaned (ex: things left on floor) will be picked up by parent, put into a bag and can be "bought" back by the child from their allowance. If they don't want it back...in the garbage it goes. Or...just lay down the law..if you don't clean your room...things will be thrown into the trash. But, you really have to back up something that drastic. And it shouldn't be directed to just SD, either...all kids in the house need to go by same rules.
The not having junk food in
The not having junk food in the house doesn't work because her grandma who lives on the same property as we do will give it to her or her father will get it for her after school. I make wholesome meals that everyone else likes so I don't think it is that my food is bad but she won't eat it. She will eat some fruit and I keep fruit in the house but she still eats poorly. She doesn't grow...in the three years I have been in her life she has worn the same size clothing. She has gotten a little taller but at 10 still wears a 6x.
All your ideas are great and I do the same with my children but I honestly have no say in what goes on with this child so I can't enforce any rules with her. She has no boundaries or rules. She gets anything she wants no matter what. She would tell her father that I was mean and she didn't like me and that would be the end. She is his number one priority and what she says goes. It wouldn't matter that he really loves me and wouldn't want it to end the fact that she would want it would override his own needs and desires. I have a very extreme situation and it is very hard. It is terrible living in a home where a ten year controls the house. I have grown to really resent her because (she shows me no respect or courtesy) and that is a terrible feeling. There have been many times that I have thought of leaving but my love for him keeps me around.
My son cleans his room or he gets his phone taken away from him or he gets grounded. He takes out the garbage and helps me bring in groceries without any lip or he gets punished. He must act responsibly(not losing his things or forgetting homework)or he loses his computer. It is enforced and it works for him.