I had one and he had three when we got married. Then he adopted my one and we had a bio together. My skids have always been totally accepting of my two kids, love them to death, call them brother and sister as opposed to step or half siblings. There's never been any problem between the children, no jealousy or anything like that. They just have the usual kid stuff that you'd have whether they were step, half, bio or whatever.

The only problems we've ever had has been due to interference by the BM and her jealousy issues. She'd gotten her tubes tied, so she couldn't have more children with her new husband, while my husband and I did get to have a child together. She was also jealous that he adopted my son. She did a lot to try to sabotage our relationship with the kids and even tried to come between us. (She tried to tell me that he would NEVER adopt my son, because he would NEVER do that to HIS children with her and that he told her that to her face and was only stringing me along. Big lie. He was with me when they supposedly had that conversation! She doesn't plan her lies very well, she just tells them.) She has managed to alienate him from his kids, so we are always dealing with his anger issues about that and he carries a lot of guilt. However, it hasn't made him love our children any less, do any less for them, be any less of a dad to them or anything like that. He's still a devoted father, although he does have a huge problem with anger over the situation with his other kids and that does spill over into our family from time to time. But we're working on that.

I don't think you can let outside forces make or influence that decision. It's got to come from within each of you. If you want to have a baby together, then do it. If anyone else has a problem with it, including your other children, then you address it certainly, but you don't base your decision on the wants of a child and her mother, neither of whom has (or should have) any say in your relationship.

I will say this, I felt more bonded to my stepchildren after I got pregnant with their little baby half-sister. They share blood and blood is thicker than water.

I'm glad things are going better for you guys!

~ Anne ~

Nothing can come of nothing.
(Shakespeare, King Lear)

When we got married he had a 2 year old son and I was childless. We waited a few years to have a baby together. As far as the kids relationship together, its great! My son who is 20 months old adores his big brother and my ss (6 yrs) is very good with him too. They love to play. As far as I am concerned it has made things a little harder on me. I have to work VERY hard at being fair with both kids. MY hubby has also had his own difficulties. He feels much closer to our son and also has to be very careful not to show favoritism himself. But for the most part it has been a great thing for our marriage and pulling together our family.

Babies and blenders mix. just a health and safety tip there.

for the most part. In my situation it has it's downfalls though. It's brought us closer together on a lot of levels... but brought many problems along with it. I know my bf loves our daughter and just adores her. But he has admitted to me on a few occasions that he feels like he can't 'give her all his love' because he doesn't get to see his son as often as he wants to so he thinks its somehow unfair to his son. It really breaks my heart but what can you do? Our daughter is the one missing out. She's only a baby right now, so I'm hoping as she gets older he'll change his thinking and realize how absurd he's being. I think (I hope) my situation isn't the norm though, and I'm all for adding children to blended families.
Oh, and ss doesn't really have much to do with the baby. I think because he was an only child for so long he probably resents having to share his dad now. My kids love her to death though and don't resent her at all. But, they're used to 'sharing' mom.

but my stepsons (5) were older, oldest 36, youngest 13 & 14. So they accepted her with no problems. It wasn't until later that they told us that they were kind of jealous of her, because she got to grow up with their dad around and they didn't. I still think a couple of them hold a grudge against her. The youngest boys lived in Texas when our bio daughter was born so visits were only during the summer, so they didn't see her too much and to this day they really aren't too close. Although we all live in the same town (except ex husband) Not as close as I think siblings should be, but they are all grown and have their own lives so it is Holidays, a summer camping trip, and lots of e-mails and phone calls. My daughter(27) babysits for her oldest brothers kids now and she sees them and she is very close to her nieces and nephews. I definitely had a whole new appreciation of what it was like to be a parent. I really don't think until you've had a child of your own, can you realize what parents go through for their children..just my view! As I said my ex lives in Buffalo and I live in same town as the 5 SS's and their families. I see all my step grandkids (9 now) and I even have step great grand kids (5), and I'm only 58. My daughter still hasn't had any kids, so they are all steps. We all get along fine! I love all my steps, their dad was just a pain in the a**!

Good luck, I think you should go for it too!

V

I have a ss and my daughter. I am expecting another one. So far both kids are very excited about their new sister or brother. We see ss 8 times a month. I don't think he ever feels like we spend more time with our daughter over him. Both kids will have their disagreements or just their normal brother/sister fights here and there but nothing serious. I think it's normal for siblings to fight. Just make sure that the older kids get involve in caring for baby and family time is important for all the kids.

-happy mom

but its worth it. I have one BD and BF has two kids. We have one kid together. Its has not been easy because BF does not treat my BD fairly, mainly due to the fact that he does not see his kids often due to BM interference, so he takes out his frustrations on my BD. He also gives all the attention to our bio child and when his BD visits, she is the 'queen.' I have talked to him about treating all kids equally. he still has a long way to go, but I have seen him making a few efforts. Sometimes its not easy but its worth it. It warms my heart to see SD showering her baby step sis with a lot of attention.

My ex and his current now have 3 children together. All of our kids...my 7 and their three don't see eachother as often as if they lived together and they usually see eachother anywhere from once in 3 months to every weekend plus.
BUT they all love eachother and are proud of who they have for brothers and sisters...whenever they are asked how many sisters and brothers they have they don't hesitate to count all 9 kids and sometimes even add in my son in law and SS.
When they miss eachother they call eachother or My kids go there or I even have had their kids here a few times.
We all encourage the fact that they are siblings and an important part of eachothers lives and they all benefit for it.
If you want a baby go for it. The decision is between you and your husband ...not his ex and your step....your child will benefit from two parents who love them and hopefully have the added love of a sibling.
Good luck and God Bless
Lisa Dawn

What happens when you add a baby to the blender? For us, we got a very tasty strawberry smoothie. (Inside joke - before we knew the sex of our unborn baby, we wondered whether it was strawberry flavored or blueberry flavored because the first ultrasound pic looked like a little berry.)

So, I had a strawberry 20 months ago and we're expecting another strawberry in July, which are added to our ripest strawberry who will be 12 in July. It's been so far, so good for us. Despite the bitter sour rotten fruit BM trying to poison our smoothie, there must be some kind of natural antibodies in our mixture because we've been pretty immune to it. SD loves loves loves loves loves her baby sister and oh boy, does the little one just idolize her big sis. It amazes me how close they are, considering they only see each other 6 days out of the month. I wonder how the dynamic will change when SD has two little sisters here, who will live together, who are close in age, who have both bio parents here - when she is just visiting every other weekend. Who knows, she may be coming to live with us very soon, so we'll just have to wait and see how things pan out. I'll keep you posted!