I have mentioned The Mermaid in the past.  She attended my Military School though after me and I never knew her.  She invests heavily in her persona as a Mermaid.  Countless $$$, endless time, etc... I get that it is an escape from her very painful history.

The situations that sent her to  Military School were apparently that she was a problem child raised mostly by her GPs due to her toxicity to her parents and sibs.  When her GPs had enough, off to Military School. She joined the service after HS which was not a particularly positive experience for her.

A very troubled person who had a very troubled marriage to an apparently toxic controlling narc.  That is her side of the story.  No doubt it has some merit. No doubt there is another side.  Her instabiity makes me consider that she is a significant source of the entire picture.

Her daughter came to live with her a year ago once she aged out from under the CO. All FB posts of sunshine, roses, rainbows, and glittery mermaid scales.  Reality has landed.  DD has departed under dramatic circumstances, society, her X, and all things other than the Mermaid are to blame.  Even a delusional therapist is apparently involved.  Here is some light reading that may be the most comprehensive picture of what comprehensively  many SParents deal with parts of in our in our StepMarriages.  Even in our community, I have never seen it all in one person's life. Though the mermaid is not a SParent. At least that she has shared on SM and the alumni boards.

Apparently she lost custody of her kids to her X and nearly was prosecuted for whatever transpired during the marriage.  This is from hints of history she has dropped upon occassion on the alumni boards for our school.

She calls her marriage/divorce the "shipwreck".  I guess this is where her Mermaid life evolved from.

I really feel for her.  The angst, pain, and never ending drama perpsective just guts me.  But, she is the cause of her pain. IMHO.  Repeat the usual, blame others, engage in fantasy. Lather, rinse, repeat.

The first 3 days  of a trip were all positive.  It starts heading south below.

Adventure #3 Day3 part 2 after the Caverns we went on the tour of the museum it felt really great to reconnect with family at times we finished each other's sentences like we had never left. It was great and I was able to get some pictures of the family that I had lost. I had no pictures of my grand parents because of the shipwreck so I was finally able to get those back digitally at least and my brother gave me a the painting of me that hung in my parents old house.

Adventure #4 Day 4 part two. They have unlimited slushies at  the park, roller coasters and rides we all had a great time my sister had to leave early we stayed a bit over and we went to build a bear and we got stuffies and got some fudge for the ride back. It was really great reconnecting with family super great I thought we all were having a fantastic time the only hiccup was my daughter misplaced her phone but we all managed to get it back it was a great day it really was

Day#5 Adventure #5 We were all exhausted from the day before so we got a late start and the real reason we had gone down to Virginia was a wedding for my brother's daughter, however the guy was not the right fit and they had canceled the wedding, but since it's been over twenty years since we last saw eachother we decided to turn it into a Unwedding/reunion party. It was better than a wedding because we could actually spend some quality time with each other and share old memories with out the formalities and time schedules of a wedding. And we all went out for Italian ice that night. We all had a blast and it was great until..

Night# 5 Anti-adventure #6 the visit I thought was a successful reconnection with family because I managed to reconnect with both my Brother and Sister who I had not seen it twenty years turned into a nightmarish reminder of the whole shipwreck situation and my nice loving sweet daughter morphed into a mini unpleasant girl version of my ex. Like the night of the shipwreck there was no sleeping through the drama that unfolded. I was there listening to her go back and forth on her phone badgering a boy she knew in middle school then harassing her new found man of 27 years old the things she said to him if I was him I would have dumped her on the spot. Then there was the packing issue.

All I said was we need to pack before we go to bed so we can be ready to leave tomorrow seemed reasonable to me she said no I want to talk to my boyfriend. Ok well why don't you talk to your boyfriend after you pack it won't take that long. I'm going downstairs so I can talk to my boyfriend. She texted her foster dad at 8:30pm apparently this is something she planned. Then an hour passes I go downstairs ask her you know we need to pack because it's late and we need to get up in the morning. The lady across the hall gets upset and comes out so we continue the conversation outside. She didn't get any shoes to go outside. And I had to get the other key card because I had to turn it back in the morning and I had to fight her on that just knock on the door when your done talking. Well I go up and down the elevator  more than five times trying to get her to do one thing by then it's 3:00am she still isn't packed she's still on the phone talking. 

So I pack her bags and say here your bags are packed when you get done and maybe get some sense to get some sleep knock on my door, but I'm done with this. So I go back to my room to sleep. Well who could sleep through that drama so I go down stairs she's gone I asked the desk what happened to the girl she just got into a strangers car in a strange place the day we are supposed to leave to go home. I thought she went missing it turned out she went to the airport early got credit for the ticket and took an earlier flight so she could take off to her boyfriends place. So I gained two siblings but lost a daughter. She made unnecessary drama where there didn't need to be any, but the worst part is knowing after we did everything she planned to leave all along. If I knew her plan I would have never invited her , but I wanted her to see her cousin she's never seen. Only it turned into a nightmare I can't get out of my mind.

FB comment:  I'm sorry to hear that happened. 

How old is your daughter (Mom)? I ask because my field of expertise is human development. And you should know that the human brain is not finished developing until age 25/26... She will take some more time to get her head on straight and learn to be mature. She also is still working through her young childhood trauma, as well as learning to assert her independence. She needs, time, therapy, and support. Is she being a bitchy little brat right now? Absolutely! But some of that is her age, and some of that is because she doesn't have the mental health tools she needs to deal with the situation in a better, more mature, way. And it's your job to be firm, but loving and supportive, until such time that she is mature and DOES have the tools.The laws we have in place now, allowing 16 yr olds to drive and 18 yr olds to join the military, are for societal convenience. Not what is best for the developing generations behind us. But now that they are in place, the rich take advantage of them so that young people can drive themselves to the jobs that benefit the rich, and the poor kids die in war. And kill themselves with alcohol and cigarettes, while the rich make money off the contraband... This is a societal scenario where neither the parents or the young people win... Keep that in mind and be gentle with yourself and with her... Maybe you could also make arrangements for you to talk to someone, to help deal with your frustration about the situation... Love and light sent...

Rags FB comment:  At some point they have to finish growing up on their own time and their own dime living the outcomes of their choices.

That is not easy on their parents. Let her live the misery she is creating for herself. That is the most effective lesson a parent can facilitate for kidults who insist on the hard way. Let her learn.

IMHO of course.

Deep breaths mom.

What immediately floated for me was... mom should have not packed for the kidult.  That facilitated the kidult being able to make the run for it.  I would have not packed her and then left her when I went to the airport.  Though the kidult had the precience to put togehter the escape plan so ... likely the outcome would have not changed much but it would have been far more painfulf or the kid to execute.

I purposely avoided replying to the clearly delusional pseudo science Human Development expert.  I am more of a personal accountability pramatist than a blame anything and everything, and everyone other than the one perpetrating the problem behaviors.  I could not have avoided a shit storm of fee fees and delusional responses if I had gone down my usual Rags path.

I hope that the Mermaid can stay the course she verbalizes. 

And the tragedy continues.... 

So the journey back I was trying to reconcile in my head what had happened. The seat next to me should have been my daughter, but there was a stranger in her place. The commander had warned me not to take her back after the shipwreck, because it wasn't just my ex that threw me under the bus my daughter was figuratively driving the bus that hit me. He lied and got her to lie and I could have lost my freedom permanently for what they made up. I should have known better she talked to him on the phone everyday even after she came here.

I loved my daughter I did the best I could under the constant emergency we were put under all the time and I wanted to think the best of her but the bottom line is no matter what I do for her it won't matter because she still has her father in her head and being with her felt exactly like being with him the night of the shipwreck.The same narcissistic merry go round all night long. Even my counselor said don't take her back. So she can visit if she wants she can pick up her belongings if she needs to but she can't stay here. I can't have that level of toxicity in my space. I built my bubble of peace and I have a good life I never want to sacrifice that ever again for anyone.

Besides I've got worse things in my life going on for every good thing there are things that are horrible and painful. My nephew that I helped raise when he was three has to go in for surgery for pancreatic cancer. So not very pleasant thoughts. So any of my prayer warrior friends just pray for all these things that are completely messed up.