I am recently engaged. Been dating for almost 3 yrs. My fiance has been a single dad for a very long time and is used to it being just him and 2 kids. We like to do lots of things together as one family. I have 1 BS (in middle school) and a future SS and future SD. They are a bit older.
My FSD is a young adult in college. I love her and she is a very good, responsible and kind young lady. My issue is that when she comes back home for breaks, he is making all of the decisions with her; just the two of them. I am excluded and find things out later as I am not even included in the planning process. I am talking about plans and decisions that should be made between spouses/parents. I want him to spend time with her, and have never said anything negative about it, but it is really bothering me because it is very often. He has even made plans with me (one on one things), and then suddenly just gone with her instead (tennis, shopping, etc).
Things are fine when she isnt home, but it's as though he transfers a "partner" title from me to her once she steps in the door. I understand that it has sort of been her role in the past, But she is not the partner, she is the daughter. It isnt her fault, although I do sense some jealousy there. I understand this too, and am very patient and careful not to step on toes. I think he feels that he needs to make people happy individually and has to choose one over the other. It doesnt need to be that way; we can make decisions together and compromise. Some reasearch I have done on line shows that this is not an uncommon situation in step family transition.
I am very frustrated though and it hurts my feelings. So this is a very sensitive situation, because I do not know how, what or if I can say anything, because I am sure he will only hear that I have a problem with his daughter, and that is not the case.