Does anyone else wonder how their SK are gonna react to a baby?
So i have been dating my SO for 10 months and he has a 4 year old. My bf and I arent planning any anytime soon but if we do have one he would like to keep them. (weve had an abortion 6 months into the relationship.
Well he gets his kid EOW for the week. Her mom is pregnant and she happily says shes gonna be a big sister. They dont know the gender of it yet. Went to the park ( i reluctantly because I dont care to do it but im compromising) i joined later and was coming up and she grabbed my hand and showed me her new friends. One of the friends said thats your second mom, I already met her. Then once they walk and started playing away the SD whispered to her thats not my mom. Now I dont really care but words are still words and we cant help that we get hurt by them. Still I dont care but that made me not want to do "mom" things if i am gonna be not even a SP.
Okay but since im not her mom and you know how girls are super close with their mom usually unless the Dad was the only single parent. Either way its a special connection and because of that, its different when Dad is with another girl and not their mommy or showing another girl attention and not them.
So im just worrying how itll be in the future when I do have a baby and our kid would be mixed so their most definitely not gonna look alike. So that would make the step sibling really kick in her mind or "S's baby". And this would be about when their 6-7 and I dont know I just dont want that hostillity because then therell be more problems in the future.
Sorry im just overthinking
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There are only 2 people who’s feelings and decisions matter when
Choosing to have kids and thats the mum and dad of this future child, skids are not privy to any such discussion and neither are their opinions!! These are basic rules my husband lives by and at times is a guilty disney dad but he will not allow skids getting involved in our sex life!!
any pregancies we had were between me and hubby, whether skids were grossed out or didn't want us having more kids, they can eff off!! I am not having my childbearing years dictated by inexperienced skids lacking any lifeskills or authority to dictate anything regarding my or my husbands body
Don't worry about it. Her mom
Don't worry about it. Her mom is already having a new baby and if she refers to the new baby as her sister/brother then you can use that for your bio kid. BM in my life makes the skids call her husband's kids from his prior marriage be referred to as brother/sister so when our bio came along we just went with it.
My husband went with the same thought process. In our case
Bio mum had the guy she had an affair with whilst married to hubby and married days after divorce was finalised, she had skids call stepdad daddy because bio mum married him whilst they were in school (they didn't know bio mum was even dating), my ss always never acknowledged my name, would call me aunty which is disrespectful in asian culture especially considering our age gap is 14 yrs and in laws would tell him off.
so hubby referred to me as mummy because skids are asian and call bio mum another name for mum in their language. So if skids are made to call stepdad "daddy", then i get the same respect considering my and hubbys marriage produced 2 kids already (+1 miscarriage) whilst bio mum has no extra kids.
ss22 still refers to me and our 2 kids as stranger
My SDs were 4 and 7 when my
My SDs were 4 and 7 when my DD was born. We have 50/50 custody. They were excited and they consider DD to be their sister. The older one even asked if DD would go back and forth with them, lol. FWIW, they don't physically resemble DD, and it doesn't matter. I doubt they'll be as close to DD as they are to each other, because they are closer in age to each other and are only with DD half the time, but that's to be expected.
I get what you all are saying
I get what you all are saying.
Its just she does say my name excitedly but during the quiet chill times i still sense the awkwardness. Like when she comes in the room she'll hover by the door. Or she'll see us in bed against the wall but stay on the edge. Like theres still that tension and it may be a mom daughter thing
We are expecting in April and
We are expecting in April and I did a post about SD10. She cried when we told her, is acting jealous, and has no interest in helping out with her sibling. After hearing from others, I say let them be as uninvolved or involved as they want. Especially with an age gap. Don't force a relationship that isn't there. This goes for you too! I have also not felt like doing "mom" things for SD after she had said the same things to me. I merely support DH, but that is as far as I take my role as a SM now personally. Didn't always use to be that way though. And it's okay if your relationship with her changes...
Yeah like here i was coming
Yeah like here i was coming out to the park because my bf made me feel bad about not going with them and that we cant be a family if thats how its always gonna be whether i like it or not but anyway.
I told him that I would try then he later apologized and said he was sorry because me coming out with them didnt ( i forgot how exactly he said it) but he basically realized that it wasnt a cool thing to be upset about and he cant force it.
But yeah no after me trying to come out and create a bond. It was plain as day that no matter what you do you will sometimes not even be treated like the mom.
You will likely never be
You will likely never be treated like mom, and that's ok. It's also ok for you to be kind and respectful but not feel or act just like mom. I have given up on forcing that kind of relationship with my SO's kids. I have it with one and for the others, i will do what's right but not try to force it.
You won't be treated like her
You won't be treated like her mom because you are not her mom. You are either her dad's partner or her step mom (whichever role/term you feel more comfortable with). Both of them are different from being her mom. Neither of them are bad, they are just different types of relationships.
Bonds are not forged with one trip to the park. They are forged over the years. Even after being in my sd's life for 9 years now there are times when I feel close to her and times when I don't. Our bond is most definately different than that of mother-daughter because I am her step-mother not her mother, she had a mother already before I came along.
Don't worry about the park. If you don't want to go, don't go. There are other ways to bond with a child if that is what you are looking for. If you do have a child with your fiance then you may find more enjoyment going to the park with your own kid, or your fiance can take both children and you can take a break. There will be many other ways to bond as a family with sd if that is still your aim at that time.
to be honest i dont even care
to be honest i dont even care about bonding with her. is that bad?
its just i have no kids and so i dont HAVE to entertain anyone but myself. im still young so my phone occupies me alot and work so my free time is me time. besides its not like i was there when she was 2 or a newborn so really i dont see any bond happening that could be close. and as bad as it sounds calling me not even a mom makes me feel like not trying because shes right im not her mom. she has one and a dad so she can go to them for whatever