Mother's day and dh's dad!
Dh was the typical EOW kid going to his dads. A lot of times it wasn't even that much as his dad lived in another state. Dh has a step mom who has 2 girls of her own that she didn't raise either.
So anyway every year dh's dad bugs him til he tells sm happy mothers day. Dh doesn't think it is right as he has a mom and he didn't see his step mom much and when he was there she told him she didn;t want to see or hear him.
I have 3 skids myself and I don't think it is right for them to tell me happy mothers day or get me anything b/c I'm not their mom. I have always felt that way. That mothers day is for MOTHERS and THEIR kids. I didn't raise my skids I raised my kids. Sure they are here EOW but dh does more for and with them then I do.
Dh is very annoyed with his dad as he insists on dh tell sm happy mothers day and to get her something. It is really hurting their relationship b/c dh gets so upset with him for forcing him to do this. I agree that if dh doesn;t want to he shouldn't. It's mot like dad had custody and he ever lived there and sm 'raised' him b/c she didn't.
What should dh do??
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Comments
I know that it won't kill him
I know that it won't kill him he is just annoyed that his dad will call him and insist to the point that it pisses dh off. It isn't just one or two times it is as if his dad thinks it is the end of the world if dh doesn't call sm not text that is not enough.
He should do what he is
He should do what he is comfortable doing. No one should force that kind of gesture on another adult.
However I was raised to treat mother's day as a day to honor all mother's not just my own. And an opportunity to wish all those who are mother's a good day. I personally honored my mother, my grandmother and some very special aunts. I extend a 'Happy Mother's Day' to any mother as a common courtesy.
I guess I also think it's probably not much of a concession to a grown man to extend a little courtest to his father's wife especailly if he knows it would make his father happy. Gifts are a whole different thing. No on should feel obligated to gift.
I get what you're saying. I
I get what you're saying. I just don't get offended when my skids don't say happy mothers day to me b/c I'm not their mom and I think it is a day that I should spend with MY kids and not skids. Skids should spend the day with their mom and kids don't think oh I should say something to sm.
I guess that is my point that dh's sm gets so offended if dh doesn't say happy mothers day and she will say something mean to the point that dh's dad will call and guilt dh. I just think it is sooooo wrong.
You are right. I will say
You are right. I will say something to him the next time he complains to me about his dad insisting on it.
I think it has a lot to do with that sm get offended about EVERYTHING we do or don't do. We just live life and it has nothing to do with how can we offend sm? Because the truth is we don't see her much and she doesn't go out of her way to all or contact us but when dh was sending his dad a few jokes she got so freaking mad and wanted him to send them to her too. that is her way of thinking now do you get it???
I would not do it, not
I would not do it, not because she's a step mom but because he does not owe her anything. Me personally, I don't tell everyone happy mothers or fathers day just because they have kids. My own twin brother has a daughter who he does not ever see or speak with, I never tell him happy fathers day because he does not deserve it. Also, I don't tell my dad because he's sorry as hell. When they tell me, I just say thank you and leave it at that. Hell, this lady didn't even raise her own kids.