if one more person tells me my dad is my dad and to not forget it im going to scream
Seriously I know that he raised me I know he loves me and he is my dad. But what happened to SUPPORT? Everyone seems to think I cut dad out. Jeez I just want to know my Bio father and the rest of my family. I just want add.
So why does everyone seem to think they need to keep telling me that dad lobes me and raised me and that is all that counts. No its not sorry bit its not that simple to just pretend!gggrrr
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Thanks at least my Dh gets
Thanks at least my Dh gets it, he's adopted but the difference is he's always known.
Well, for some people,
Well, for some people, knowing that your dad is your dad and that he loves you and that's all that matters IS enough. For others, it's not.
If your entire family is giving you this speech, are you maybe making a really big deal about finding your "real" dad? Are you hurting your father? He stepped up and took care of another man's business and he really loves you. It sounds like your family is trying to protect him.
Is it possible that you could conduct your "find bio father" mission a little more quietly? Do the research on your own and contact him quietly?
It sounds like your reaction is just what your family feared.
I'm not trying to replace
I'm not trying to replace only know what the rest of my family I'd and mom says I look like him. So do I look like my other siblings? And if he had known about me how would it have gone? O have too many unanswered questions not to look.
I haven't said a word to them
I haven't said a word to them about the progress or what I'm going b/c I don't want to hurt my dad. So I don't think that is it. Besides my dad told me if it were him I'd want to find his dad too.
What is prompting your family
What is prompting your family to say this, then?
I still think you should slow down and let this sink in. It's causing havoc in your family and it is likely to cause *major* havoc in this life of this man and his family. Take some time to think about it and consider the consequences of your actions before you make your next move.
And it shouldn't matter
And it shouldn't matter Wharton reaction is b/c ir is the truth about me and should be accepted. Plus what kind of reaction did they expect? I mean keeping it for this long away from they should expect emotions to flare
Purple, I totally get that.
Purple, I totally get that. All I'm saying is that you're going balls out and I get the impression that you really aren't worried about how others feel. Yes, I know they kept a HUGE secret from you. In their way, they probably thought it was best. Times were very, very different then, and your mother was very, very young. Your father would have probably felt shamed by others for marrying a woman who was carrying another man's child.
He gave you a good life and lots of love. I think you should be at least a little concerned about his feelings.
And I believe that your reaction does "matter." Them having kept a huge secret from you doesn't give you a "pass" as to your reaction.
I was in a similar circumstance as your mother. Years ago, I swore I would keep it a secret, and never let my child know that his father wasn't his father. I was embarrassed, ashamed, and very, very fearful that the truth would destroy my child. Now, I ultimately chose a different path, and decided to be honest with my child over the years. There was no big secret and no big reveal. However, I can understand how others could make that choice (although I'm very glad I didn't.)
Just keep in mind that your actions and reactions have the power to destroy TWO families. I really wish you the best in your search for him, and I hope that you find what you're looking for.
Thank you. It should be an
Thank you. It should be an unspoken thing after all these years. Besides how at this point could I replace him anyway?
Also I understand I should precession this a little but its been lingering in form all my life so I feel its time.
Oh and flipchip I don't
Oh and flipchip I don't really think he stepped up to take care of another mans business b/c bio dad didnt know so he was never given the opportunity to 'take care of business'. But yes dad stepped up to raise me and he loves me. But to say he took care of another mans business is not really fair to a person who didn't know and not given the opportunity.
Stepdown I'm ok thanks for
Stepdown I'm ok thanks for your concern. I am agitated I will give your that but more so for the fact that mom would have taken this to her grave if I hadn't put her on the spot. Plus my brothers seemed to keep it to themselves along with 2 of my moms sisters and a friend. No one seemed to want to 'man up' and just tell me. I don't quite get it. I guess that is the part I can't wrap my brain around.
I will be ok I'm dealing with this pretty well despite that. thanks