Yep. I feel the same way about ALL of this. Especially #4 and #5. I don't think it gets any better. It sucks. I've read all the books and still have no answers. Seriously hate my life somedays and wish I was still single or a first wife. Despite the love I have for my dh, it's just too much somedays.

I feel the same way! I hate that I have to be reminded of my BF's past because he knocked up then married some gold digging whore. As if it werent bad enough that BF gets raped in CS and we are financially strapped because of his past fuck up but having to even have any kind of contact and reminder of them sucks ass! I hate that BM and skid even exist...my life and our life together would be sooo much better if they werent in it! My BF and I and my BS9 have so much fun together and we are such a happy family when he is skidless.
Even my BF knows/sees this. His kid is a practically a BM clone and they are pretty much nothing but drama/bs when they are in the picture so my BF's attitude towards them and all their crap is WHATEVER!!!! I am so glad that he doesnt put up with their shit or give in to them. They can go fuck themselves IMHO!!!

It sounds to me like neither you nor you DH have really cut ties to the previous life.

When you think about your ex in that way in the back of your mind you are projecting that your DH is doing the same thing. And maybe he is. It happens all the time.

I think it's really weird for him to keep the suit he was married in. That's just strange. That thing has got to be 25-30 years old. It's not even like a wedding dress where maybe it could be remade. I've never heard of a man keeping what he got married in.

My DH was married to his second wife for 15 years - she left him to go back and remarry her first husband. The husband who had left her for another woman and both had made each others' lives miserable with lawsuits, custody battles, etc. Anyone would have said they hated each other. He's a disgusting pig but she went back to him.

DH had a second child (while single before 2nd marriage) with BM years after their divorce because of a ONS with no BC.

So I have some of the same feelings that you do but with cause I think. I can deal with DH having had two wives but I CANNOT ACCEPT his having ANY interaction with either.

I'm fairly certain the 2nd wife and her DH will split - they fight like cats and dogs. She will come back sniffing around DH. Or put it this way - she will try.

BM - well she's not really a threat. She's old and fat and looks like a man. BTW I am a decade older than she is and 15 years older than the second but I think I look better. But as I told DH he slept with her once after swearing he never wanted her after their divorce. I don't care if it was more than 25 years ago. In my book he can never be near her.

Actually I told DH he can do what he wants to do. But that I would never stay in his life if he ever has anything to do with his ex wives. And he knows this is not an idle threat. I have the ability to cut people off and NEVER acknowledge their existence again. I would never be like one of his exes and up for a rematch.

I was single for years and had a great life. Men like me. Especially men in my age bracket. I'm much more attractive than a lot of women my age. I love DH and want to be with him but I will NEVER share him.

I feel the same way you do.

#1: "I am JEALOUS of the life my SO had with his ex!" I used to be really bad about this. It is getting better with time. Totally cutting BM out of my life completely helped. It is irrational jealousy, they had a less than a yr long sham of a marriage only entered into because he got her pregnant and she is a closeted lesbian desperate for a "normal" life cover up. He had NO life with her and never loved her and cannot stand the sight of her now, but, just the idea of my husband being with her makes my territorial craziness come out.

#2: "Having my skids around reminds me constantly of his life with his ex and that exasperates my jealousy. They are constant reminders of HER My SS looks JUST like her" BIG AMEN on this one. skid is a constant reminder of this woman and all the hell she has caused me. Skid also is a total replica of her but in boy form (not a far stretch still tho because she is so butch now), but he looks just like her, acts just like her, walks just like her and it just makes my stomach churn.

#3: My situation is different than yours on this. DH has 50/50, skid is here Thurs-Sun, although now I do not allow him to be here unless DH is here, so he is here only one overnight and every morning, the rest of the time he is at MILS. I LOVE to see him go and LOVE Sundays when I know he is back with BM.

#4: I don't even know what to say about this one other than OH HELL NO. I would demand that shit disappear pronto. I would NEVER disrespect my DH by having mementos from my past life around and would expect the same in return. That is just emotionally cruel. There is no reason for that stuff to still be around.
You wrote, "I understand that this is important to him and I would never ask him to get rid of this stuff" Why is this stuff important? It should not be. The only thing he should hang on to from this part of his life is a copy of the divorce decree. THAT IS IT.

#5 "Sometimes, I fantasize about going back to MY ex partner" Same here on this one even though he had an adult daughter that was a nightmare and even though he would not marry me or have kids with me because of her. He loved me and I loved him DESPERATELY, but his idea of the rest of our lives was that I live with him just like a wife, perform the wifely duties, but never BE his wife on paper. That, in the end, was not good enough for me, esp. when I knew the only reason for that ws he didn't have the balls to stand up to his daughter. I still miss him and think of him just about every single day, but it is not actually him I miss. I think it is more this idealized image I have created in my mind since my reality is so shitty. I look back and only remember the good times and forget how hopeless I felt there too. In all honesty though, if I had crystal ball and would have known this was what my life would be like, I would have stayed there and put up with his adult daughter over living this hell all the time.

You've got to let go of your "happy family fantasies." Your jealousy about the life your DH had with BM, as well as your fantasy about life with your ex husband are causing problems for you. Life was not great for your DH when he was with BM. Maybe he loved her, maybe he had some happy times, but as you know divorce is horrible and awful and it hurts... people generally don't make such decisions on a whim. Likewise, remind yourself what it was like with your ex. You left him and went through all that for a reason.

Time to accept reality. Marriage is hard, marriage with kids from past relationships and biomoms to deal with is SUPER hard. But that's the beauty of it (so I'm told) you get through the hard parts and you have something strong and wonderful. All this fantasy is weakening something great. When you're feeling jealous or insecure or just having a hard time with all of the adjustments and messy parts of step/ blended family life-- lean on your hubby! NOT on your ex-hubby. Help each other through it. Life is not going to be like you imagined it would be-- but that doesn't mean it will be awful. It will just be different.

But yes, I think all of your feelings are normal and part of the process. In time you'll start to feel better about all of it. In the beginning I felt jealous that BM had the experience of having DH's first baby... It wasn't all romantic and roses for him, quite the opposite. You'll get over those feelings. Going forward, you have to decide do you want your feelings to control you and lead you to damaging your relationship or do you want to deal with them in a more constructive way, a way that makes your current marriage closer and stronger?

Good luck girl!!! Sending support!