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Improvements and lessons learned

PrincessFiona's picture

Submitted by PrincessFiona on Thu, 07/01/2010 - 8:08am

I have learned so much from this site and it's wise members. I came here when I was complete at my wits end, ready to walk away from my marriage. Just being able to openly vent and talk about my issues has been a life changing thing. To know that other people feel the same is an awesome feeling. I have taken from here some very good advise.

* I will step back and decide if the behavior that is bothering me is typical kid behavior before reacting

* I will take a deep breath and let it all go and not worry about how SD is being raised.

* I will let DH raise SD in any way he sees fit until it interferes with my parenting of my children

* I will fake it until it feels real.

* I will act with confidence and normal when interacting with BM. This has been so big. When Sd sees BM and I acting friendly towards each other she has let her guard down.

* I will try to initiate simple interact with SD each time she is at my home. Simple and sincere.

* I will stop trying to point out to DH any of the things I think are wrong with the way Sd is being parented - not my concern.

Recently I have been feeling much more at ease with my situation. DH is less defensive and much more open to my opinions when I do offer them. And SD has been a bit more relaxed around me.

SD friended me on Facebook which all along is a step in the right direction. I hope it means there is trust building.

I hope everyone here finds some little piece of advise that makes their life easier. Life is too short to spend it unhappy !

Comments

StepX2's picture

Submitted by StepX2 on Thu, 07/01/2010 - 9:17am

Happy that there is some light for you in the sometimes dark tunnel we call stepparenting Smile Definately a lot of great advice here. Remember to always stay true to yourself though.

SecondBest09's picture

Submitted by SecondBest09 on Thu, 07/01/2010 - 9:48am

Thank you for posting. It sounds so simple, but it's actually very hard to do, but I'm glad to hear that there have been positive results in your situation. That last one is ESPECIALLY hard for me, but it's the one I need to work on the most. I am printing this and will refer to it regularly I'm sure. How old is your SD?

Hmmm's picture

Submitted by Hmmm on Thu, 07/01/2010 - 1:02pm

"When Sd sees BM and I acting friendly towards each other she has let her guard down." Huge, huge, huge.

Congrats on that list.

PrincessFiona's picture

Submitted by PrincessFiona on Thu, 07/01/2010 - 1:45pm

THis has been an unexpected result to me. SD is very perceptive and intune to people's moods. She is also very enmeshed with BM. I believe there are huge loyalty issues for SD when it comes to me.

I think when she sees her mom able to be friendly then she knows it's safe for her.