Yes. You were wrong for screaming at him, but you were also wrong for telling him he was being ridiculous. Why didn't you just leave after you told him not to yell at you??
He was wrong for yelling at you but YOU are the adult. Or are at least supposed to be.

Do you see the irony here...you told him not to yell at you, but then you yelled at him!

Wow. And I mean that on several levels.

Did he come to you and ask you for help? He's in high school and he crapped the bed, of course he was mortified. You actually told him to "get changed" like he's a 3rd grader or something. I can see why he got mad.

"But it happens, so to you I would say. Go talk to him. Tell him you don't like the way you responded. You were frustrated about the medicine the doctor gave him when you wish you would have considered how he must be feeling. Don't worry about what happened, its the medicine NOT you. I should not have yelled so I'm sorry for that. Can I help you? Are you ok? Want something to eat?

Parents get frustrated and yell sometimes. The really great ones, own up to the kid how they could have done that better. It demonstrates making a mistake, talking about it, and fixing it. That's a good lesson."

I like this.

Also, although this is of absolutely no consolation and my kids have endured nothing like SS has, just the other night my own DS told me I was the worst mother ever. Just saying it happens in "normal" families. The next night he told me I was the best mother ever.

I think he was probably horrified at the situation and seeing the look on your face probably just intensified it. He is quite old for that to happen and even though there was a reason it probably was an embarresing situation. Having an adult there when he can clean up himself probably just made it worse, also since you said that in a previous post your children were making fun of him when you weren't around he may be thinking that if you are there it will draw attention to it and perhaps ridicule. I can understand your frustrations but this is not an occasion for you to be the injured party. I have endured horriable things at the hand of someone who had no right to call themselves a parent and I left that situation at 11 and I am now 24 and I am still not recovered from it, these things just don't go away, you don't just get better. He will act out yes, and when he feels attacked like when you were yelling he will lash out but that is natural in anyone let alone in someone who has been through what he has been through.

Because of the doctor prescribed soft diet and laxatives, Ss had an accident in his bed
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Poor kid.

You were disgusted by something that happened because of dr prescribed medication. Imagine how he feels. I'm sure your disgust showed in your face and tone. And it just embarrassed him more. It's obviously not something he did intentionally.

As far as the comment about his mother, I'm sure what he really wishes is that he had someone that truly cared about him like a birth mother should. And he was frustrated, and it came out wrong. My ss has a POS for a "mother", but she IS still his mother. And I imagine that no matter what I do for him, he will always wish she was there. It's just a fact of life. As hard as it is, try not to take that personally. It's human nature. Even if they say they hate them, deep down they love them and are crying out for their love.

I have to agree he is a teen that has been through a lot and needed some space. He lashed out at you b/c he is frustrated with everything. I'm sure that he is physically and emotionally upset. I am also sure that he doesn't get the full impact either jsut knows he is feeling all kinds of things right now.

Thanks praying that means a lot. After reading your other posts I think you were trying but all all us are human. We have those moments you both ss and you had on of those moments. I hope that things get better for you both.

Well at least he didn't shit in your bed and all over your house on PURPOSE like Prince Hygiene did at age stb 7.

You are only human and bound to lose your temper with children. It's human nature. Don't beat yourself up!

Yes, please don't beat yourself up for this - it has got to be wearing on you to have to measure every word for this child to not be offended??

Is there any way his dad could handle Ss since every damn thing you do is taken wrong and magnified x 90,000,000??

I believe that what defines things are not the events themselves, but how we respond to them afterwards.

I'm not going to say you overreacted. I wasn't there, feeling your feelings. I know if I had soiled the bed and somebody walked in on me, I would probably tell them to get out and not sound very nice. It would be humiliating. My sister has cancer, and for awhile, she was puking every time we got in the car. I just jumped out, emptied it out and assured her that it's nothing to be embarrassed about, it's the meds. That's not exactly the same as poo, but it's not something anybody is proud of.

What's important is what you do now. Go in and calmly talk to him. Apologize for your behavior. Don't blame it on him by saying he "made" you yell because of what he said. You chose to yell. He was lashing out. We've all said hurtful things to people, sometimes on purpose. Let him know you're human, you're sorry, and you love him no matter what. That's probably what he needs the most right now, unconditional love. You telling him he was ridiculous at that moment sounds like you were discounting his feelings. Of course he was embarrassed. I probably would have yelled too if somebody wasn't leaving.

I'm so sorry your family has had to go through such horrible things. You are human, so forgive yourself. Hopefully he will apologize as well. I pray for healing for all of you.