*VENTING POST*

Hey everyone, it's been awhile since I posted anything. It's been crazy over here since my last post. I am happy to say that DH and I have continued couples therapy and we are so so so much better at listening to and validating each others feelings. We are also a much more unified front as far as the skids go. My skids still drive me insane. They (SD14 & SD12) are exactly like their BM in so many ways and even my DH has had enough of it. THE ROSE COLORED GLASSES HAVE FINALLY COME OFF. He even said once that he thinks that having them come and live with us ever isn't a good idea and that BM should have to continue to deal with the bad behaviors she enabled. They are dirty, lazy, rude and very self centered. They open their mouths and BM's words come out. They have no respect for our home, our things, each other or US.

The only thing that has changed for the better is that they are now very good with their lil bro (BS4). No more hitting or being mean to him. Mainly because I finally went mama bear on them and told that anything they do to him, I will do to them and I NEVER leave him alone with them so I see everything they do together. 

Our current issue (aside from SD14's continuing mental health issues, which we are still managing with therapy and meds) is overall personal hygiene and cleanliness. I have lost count of how many times they have come over and I ask when is the last time you showered (because they STINK) and they shrug their shoulders. Like yall need to shower daily!!! They won't brush their hair or teeth without constant reminders. And they live in filth in their rooms. My DH and I worked so hard to buy a house that had enough space for every kid to have their own room and they trash them. I don't just mean like clothes and things everywhere(because that's part of it too), but like I've found food smushed into the carpet, candy wrappers hidden inside pillow cases, cups full of I don't even know cuz it's so spoiled. Now food and drinks other than water arent even allowed in their rooms because...well obviously you can see how clean they are with it. I like a clean house. Im not a neat freak by any means, but I believe everything does have a place and when not in use, it should be there??? I've tried to help them by cleaning their rooms with them, showing how to fold clothes or put on hangers, setup a place for books, arts n crafts, given them baskets for dirty clothes and where to keep shoes etc. Basic life skills IMO and they....just dont care. I've seen their shared room at BM's house. It's seriously disgusting and I could barely walk in there. YES that's right they live there FT and share a room so you'd think they'd be more grateful about their own rooms over here, right? NOPE.

Anyways, we don't give them tons of chores, but I also don't like to be treated like there's a magical fairy that lives at our house and will clean up all the things they throw around like LITERAL TRASH. I was straightening up my kitchen the other night from some apparent lunch disaster earlier that day and DH called them both in there and said "why is Post cleaning up yalls messes right now???" "Oh we don't know, we forgot, we're sorry."  Their responsibility is to clean up after themselves. Honestly, when they leave to go back to BM, it should look like they were never here and I can just close their bedroom doors. Out of sight, out of mind.

 My DH and I decided new year, new "rooms" and so we both went in there and deep cleaned both girls rooms top to bottom and purge their clothes of things we know didn't fit. They were not very appreciative and they were here for ONE NIGHT this past week and already they are back to looking lilke crap.

DH told them that if they didn't start keeping themselves and their rooms cleaner that they would lose their rooms. I think he meant they'll be moved into a single room? Im all here for that! I work from home FT and I would love to move my desk and everything into a room other than my own bedroom. Fingers crossed my DH wasn't bluffing. Otherwise I'm moving onto plan B....waiting until they turn 18 and MOVE OUT FOR GOOD.

I just feel so drained. I try and try to instill some good habits in them for their physical and mental and emotional wellbeing and it just isn't taken seriously at all. DH says all we can do is teach them the right way to try and counteract all the bad habits BM has taught them (DH says she has always been a gross person) and hope that some of the good things stick. More importantly, I making sure my BS doesn't pick up THEIR bad habits.

Alright I'm done venting. Thanks yall.