Hi All,

Is there anyone out there that is a SM to a widower??? I have so many problems I dont know where to begin.... I knew my DH when I was around 8 yrs old, I came to Australia for a year then returned to England, we met again on FB 3 yrs ago, his wife who was 10yrs older was dying of cancer & only had months to live and I helped him and his 2 twin BD thru their grief,via skype etc after a yr we met up again in person and fell in love, my relationship with the skids was great! Fast forward 2 yeras and life is a waking nightmare.. I have already spoken about this and the over indulged twins now 17 and had their father wrapped around their fingers... I deleted that post due to it being my first and got over paranoid that the twins would find it....
My question is this now... How many of you are married to a widow and do they use their deceased mother as an excuse to do whatever they like, also are you given the grace to move on with your new life together???
Its has been three years since their mother passed away and still everything remains the same... The walk in robe has all hr clothes there, she was a complusive buyer and hoarder and the house by anyones standards is overly,overly,overly cluttered, but nothing is to be thrown away,but this is a thing that desperatley needs to be done, this is not just in my eyes but in my DH & eldest SD22 eyes too. The house is full of pictures of DH and deceased wife including our bedroom, where there are 14 pictures of them together and one of us which is hidden away. I just wonder when is it exceptable for my DH and myself to say that we need to empty the house as it is bulging to the rafters and take some (NOT ALL) of the pictures down? My DH wants to start our new life but we are constantly being pack hunted by the twins 17 and SS25... ( You know the drill... wicked SM, Dad is a a-hole for marrying this woman etc, we have thrown all their mothers stuff, which as you can see couldnt be further from the truth) SS25 is also BTW DH SS as his wife had children from a previous marriage! This goes without all the trouble we have with the twins never having any rules,discipline,values which DH is now trying to install as they were raised by their BM will day was was the bread winner and worked from 3am to 6pm, came home done the house chores, made dinner whilst BM a stay at home mum, played computer games and spent til she had put them into debt! The Twins also especially, use their mother as a scape got to get out of doing anything they like IE going to school as they are still sad.... I can totaly understand that they still miss their mum, but the sad part is that when she was ill they used it as an excuse to get away with stuff then... IE if on the rare occasion she did say NO to them as she was highly medicated on cancer drugs, they would then tell her and DH that she had said YES and she wouldnt realise she had said NO... I think their deceased mums best friend summed it up in one sentence, she said " Even when the girls are 40, their excuse will be that their mum has just died" So my question I guess is, is it all about time, and when is the right time to say, we need to move & start to change the house and that you need to stop using your mum as an excuse not to do things and start doing things you should be doing. Is 3 years and everything staying the same not long enough?