disappointed by DH once AGAIN!
So yesterday I had to sit for my state licensing exam. I have been studying for months for this exam and DH knows how important this is for my career. He hasn't taken much interest in the past in my career but in the past few days, he has been showing his support by asking how my prep is going (after I basically told him I need him to seem a little interested). He tells me 2 days ago that he'll make his own breakfast and get SD ready for school. And he'll make me something to eat in my break during the exam. I said thanks but it's not necessary but I appreciated the offer.
Morning of exam, I get up 6am (DH is semi awake in bed. I should preface this by saying he's a morning person, an early riser and always out of bed before me). AND that he went to bed at 9pm the night before because he was really tired.
So I get ready in the dark because didn't want to disturb him while he's sleeping. I still keeping thinking he's going to get up any minute now and wish me good luck or something. I spent 10 minutes in the kitchen preparing my breakfast and lunch, thinking he'll get up any minute now. He knows i'm leaving at 7! He keeps on sleeping. I decided not to wake him before I left because if he's still sleeping and can't get up for 2 seconds to give his wife some emotional support on her big day, then screw him. 5 minutes into my drive to the testing center, he calls. I didn't pick up. Then he texts me, wishing me good luck. F that! I shouldn't of bothered texting him back but I was SO hurt. DH let me down once again when I needed him most. I was so nervous about this test that I almost threw up my breakfast. I text him and told him that I don't want any texts with "words of support" from him anymore. I told him that he disappointed me yet again and couldn't even give me a hug or give me a boost of confidence on my big day. This day will never return and he totally let me down! He proceeds to say, i'll come to your test center, give me the address. TOO DAMN LATE BUDDY! You missed your chance when you were sleeping. My exam and career must not be important enough for you I guess. Okay now i'm ranting but i'm just so done being let down time after time.
My question is, should I keep giving him the silent treatment? He's apologized but it means nothing to me. That time has gone and will never return. I can't depend on him emotionally anymore. He is such a sensitive person when it comes to his kid. Why can't he be there for his wife, who he claims to love? When SD is sick or gets hurt, he can't sleep all night and is tossing and turning in case she needs him in the middle of the night!
I just want to tell him off in front of all his co workers who all think he's the best husband ever because he can't talking about me to them. I've told him before that what good is all that "talk" when you aren't emotionally available for me at home? When you consistently show me with your actions that everything is more important than your wife!
How many 2nd chances should these pathetic, sorry ass excuse for husbands get? I'm so over him!
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Ok...First off..I hope your
Ok...First off..I hope your test went great!!
Second..IMHO...I think you may be being a tad hard on the guy. He was asleep. You should have woken him, not tried your best to NOT wake him and then get mad because he did not wake up. KWIM?
It feels like you set him up to fail.
And sorry..but it is a totally different thing between a sick kid and a spouse taking a test.
Should he have made the effort to set an alarm to get up and see you off for your test? Yes...but you probably could have helped by just waking him up not insuring that he stayed asleep.
Just breath and hope the best for your test.
I have my masters and my so
I have my masters and my so has his welding cert. He told me that when he is talking to friends and coworkers about me....which he does all the time...they will ask how he "landed" such a smart girl...He jokingly and lovingly tells them that he is actually the smarter one because he got me to fall for him.
I am agreeing with Echo. You
I am agreeing with Echo.
You stated that you asked him to show more interest and support and he has. Then you set him up for failure and are now mad because he failed a test you created in your head.
You know he is overtired.
He went to bed early and is sleeping past his regular get up time. Perhaps he is sick - whatever the reason he is off his routine, and you stay quiet so as not to wake him up. Then get mad because he isn't waking up.
Then to please you, once he realizes you are pissed off he is going to drive to you, to make things right and you turn him down and now aren't talking to him.
You are stressed and making a federal case out of something that is not even a misdemeanor. Please, calm yourself down before your self induced stress causes you to fail your test that means so much to you.
Good luck on your boards.
I agree completely with Echo.
I agree completely with Echo.
You are the passive aggressive one. If you wanted him awake, you should have woken him up and said "Hey! It's my big day! Wake up and wish me luck!"
Echo said it best.
Echo said it best.
I confess, it was NOT easy
I confess, it was NOT easy reading all these responses, especially the ones that were brutally honest and not sugar coated (ECHO) LOL.
BUT I do appreciate all your input and you guys are right. I did overreact. Thanks for setting me straight! I was overly dramatic but that's after being patient for 4 years and always being LAST on his list of priorities. He just started stepping up his game and being my husband again after I disengaged from SD. He is slowly starting to realize how much I made his life and his daughter's life easier. He realized he can't take me for granted anymore and decided he needs to be nicer to me if he wants my help raising SD.
But for 4 years, i've been ignored, neglected and living with an, dare I say, emotionally absent husband. I'm trying to get over the anger and resentment that's built up inside.
I guess I did want to see if he'd pass the stupid test in my head and rise to the occasion. I didn't want him to fail. I know you guys think I set him up to fail but I didn't mean to. I just wanted to see if he'd show me that the important moments in my life matter to him as well. Why do I need to wake up a grown ass man and remind him to be there for his wife? I mean shouldn't we at least expect them to have some clue about what his wife needs after 4 years of marriage? Am I being that unreasonable? LOL
He says he isn't the romantic type and doesn't say I love you but rather he shows his love by being there for me. So that's why I expected him to show me that morning.
I want to get over this because it's a bigger deal in my head than it has to be. It's also hard to take his apology seriously when he says sorry while smiling! I guess I stopped really communicating with him that much because when I used to tell him what I needed, he would easily get distracted by SD and walk away to tend to her "needs." When he continued to walk away or not really be listening, even after I told him how much that hurt, I just closed up and don't let him in anymore.
I used to be very forgiving and so was he. I have forgiven him for MUCH worse in the past but I guess now all this built up anger stops me from being as loving and forgiving. I have become so sensitive that the most trivial things upset me. I admit this.
I want to be more compassionate and loving towards him instead of just snarky and sarcastic.
Get (and read and have him
Get (and read and have him read) the book "The Five Languages of Love".
As Echo says - being in a relationship is about meeting the other persons needs - just because his language is having stuff done for him (or whatever) that doesn't meet YOUR needs - he needs to figure out YOUR language and start speaking it.
it's a GREAT book for learning to understand how to do this.
I feel your pain, I know what
I feel your pain, I know what it's like to feel 'less important'.
But, I think this may be a case of 'mind reading'. You know what you expected of him, but unless you actually tell him this, you may not get it.
You should have accepted his offer of breakfast...you deserve it!
I don't agree that a kid being sick is more important. Kids get sick all the time and they get better. This was a once in a lifetime deal, and she deserved support and encouragement.
Maybe since you said it wasn't necessary for him to make you breakfast, he felt that you didn't need him to get up for you either?
I don't think I'd stay mad at him, just express how you felt when you didn't get a hug in the morning.
Good luck!
A similar situation happened
A similar situation happened to me last Friday. I got test results back from an ultrasound, and FDH never asked about them. Later, he could tell something was wrong and asked what it was, so I told him. He said he was sorry, he forgot and was busy. I told him I never would've forgotten something like that if it would've been him. I left it go at that and he was pretty affectionate the rest of the evening. I could tell he felt bad.
Men really are just clueless sometimes. They can be a bit self-centered.
After a ton of marriage
After a ton of marriage counseling with my personal knuckle dragger of a husband, I learned one little gem. Men aren't mind readers and we have to tell them what we want and need. It isn't their nature to know what the support you seek looks like. I had very similar expectations with my lug. And I handled it similarly as well...the silent treatment. It was really counterproductive. The guy is deer in headlights. He recognized he effed up, and tried to make it right. Let him! Outline what you need to feel loved and supported. Let him try again.
Although we know this to be
Although we know this to be true, it can be really hard to accept.
It seems like such a simple concept:
For us, we love them and we think of them, therefore we wonder how they are and would never forget to ask about something important in their lives.
It's hard to believe, in my mind, that it wouldn't be the same on his end.
This is what makes you question the amount of love that he really has for you...and causes insecurity. Especially when, in a thousand years, he would never forget to ask about his kid's______(whatever it may be).