Ex can't let go
Is it truly possible for a woman to still be in love with a man who left her almost 3 years ago, is remarried and has made it evidently clear that he is happy in his life without her?
I can answer that without help. BM is still blatantly in love with DH. Although she has raked him over the coals emotionally, financially and publicly accused him of molesting their child, she is still in love with this man. I've always had a twinge in my gut, but I've never had it confirmed, until now.
Just prior to Christmas, BM moved into a new house. Let me step back a few steps. When DH left BM almost 3 years ago, he took nothing but his clothes and his vehicle. He wanted out of the marriage so bad that he left behind extremely valuable collectibles, family antiques and personal items that he never thought he would see again. However, when BM cleaned out her house upon the move, she told DH he could come get his things. Of course, she would only allow him to do this during SD5's Christmas visitation with us so that she could see her. However, the truck that DH used to move everything only had lap belts and SD5's car seat could not be put in the truck, so I took SD5, BS10 and BS8 with me in my car to her house. I told DH that I refused to sit in the car when I could get out and help pack it all up. BM was not expecting me, obviously. She seriously wanted it to be just the three of them, BM, DH and SD5. Sick woman. Anyway, after all was packed up, I headed out with the kids and watched as BM approached DH and the truck. Over 45 minutes later, DH left her house. BM began the conversation with tears and saying "I never thought you and I would be here today." Seriously? So, belittling the man every day of his life, refusing to trust him with his own daughter, accusing him of infidelity every time he left the house and screaming and yelling in front of their 1 year old daughter every night to the point where the police were called wouldn't give her a doubt that their marriage wouldn't survive? Then she proceeded to tell him that if he hadn't moved on so quickly, that she truly believes they could have worked it all out. Seriously? Are there truly women in this world that live in their own distorted reality? To top it off, BM sends letters to DH with verbeage clearly directed at me to suggest that there may be more to their relationship than ex-spouses. If nothing else, I am confident in my marriage and in DH's love and devotion to me and our family. It just gets frustrating to deal with a woman who is clearly off her rocker.
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That's exactly how I feel
That's exactly how I feel about our BM. DH dropped her 10 years ago, and I suppose that it's possible that she still has feelings for him (despite the fact that she was cheating the whole time she was with him). But I think she was more upset that he moved on. She had moved on (new husband, more kids) but I think she always assumed that DH would be there as her little assistant. She's gotten much more controlling lately and I think it's because DH and I got married. Even though they weren't together and were never married, until I came along BM was the woman with the most power and influence over his life. I think having that power taken away from her has stung her a bit. Like you said, she didn't really want him but she didn't want him to be with anyone else either.
Hi, FYI just been through
Hi, FYI just been through the same crap. I had enough after the last email claiming she couldnt sign the agreement because she received an anonymous letter stating I was a defendant in a child abuse case so she couldnt settle due to that "Bull Shit" I finally got up the courage and met with the District Procescutors office and showed them all the false accusations she has made towards me and my BF and now I have been able to obtain a restraining order against her and I am not going to let her ruin our lives or her kids lives. Ive got 3 of my own and he has two who we have full custody of. THESE CRAZY WOMAN JUST NEED TO LET GO AND MOVE ON. *******
Rodeo - you just described
Rodeo - you just described Wingnut!!! It has been nearly 4 years since dh left her with just some clothes and his car. He left everything else behind. She also claimed he was a violent abuser and beat his daughter (20 months at the time he left). Before he left she was awful to him. He actually proposed marriage counseling and she insisted she was PERFECT, the marriage was fine and he was the one who had any problems. She constantly browbeat him into not having an opinion, threatened to call 911 every time she disagreed with him. Beat him with fireplace implements, tried to stab him, told everyone they knew that he was bi-polar and "raged" at her constantly and then told him that everyone hated him and she was the only one he could count on so he better not cross her. She actually pushed him into a nervous breakdown and hospitalization. SOOO he leaves and then she continues starts the cyclical process of I love you please come home, I hate you and I will make your life hell, how can you do this to me after all I've done for you, and round and round we go. She put him (us) through hell throughout the divorce calling Children Services on us, costing us tens of thousands of dollars in fees and insisting on all kinds of counseling. She of course used all of these counseling sessions, which were supposed to be "co-parent" or custody evaluation counseling to try to play the victim and try to guilt / threaten him into coming home. In fact one of the counselors who was deposed in the custody hearing told the judge that all of her accusations and anger stem from the fact that she is still in love with my dh. We've been married for nearly a year and she still thinks there is hope for them to get back together. She truly believes he will wake up one day and miss her. He has told her to her face more than once that he hates her and the only reason he speaks to her at all is for SD. She is truly a sad, sad person. She's doing nothing to prepare herself for when alimony ends because she thinks that by then she will have won him back. It is disturbing, but I am not in the least bit worried.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
Soverysad, I think Wingnut
Soverysad, I think Wingnut and BM are related!!! This woman was so emotionally abusive to DH and she told the rest of the world that he was physically abusive to her and was unable to control his temper. And they attended marriage counseling as well. After about 2 months, the counselor looked at DH and said, "I see a lot of improvement over here. You've made changes for the sake of your marriage and I am very proud of the work you have done." Then he looked at BM and said "But I have yet to see you change one thing to save your marriage. You've spent the entire time pointing out DH's issues and have yet to take responsibility for your own." Two days later, DH left. He knew that if a complete stranger could see what he already knew, that she would never change.
BM also put SD5 in counseling this last summer because she claimed that SD5 told BM that she walked into our bedroom while DH and I were having an intimate moment and BM wanted to make certain that it didn't "harm her emotional well-being." Never happened. Like most sane adults, we have a lock on our bedroom door and yes, we use it. Funny enough, the counselor was a friend of BM's family so she thought that would give her the "in" with her. After 6 sessions of play therapy with SD5 and 2 sessions with DH and BM, the counselor told BM that the only thing wrong with SD5 was BM's inability to properly discipline her. She looked at her and said. "You're a Christian woman, right? You believe in the Bible, right? Then what about the scripture 'Spare the rod, spoil the child'?" BM was speechless. The counselor also said that although SD5 has witnessed something that has caused her anxiety, she never verbalized that she witnessed anything relating to DH and I during an intimate moment and that SD5 could easily be feeling anxiety that derives from the hatred that BM shows toward DH and his family. At one point during the last session, BM took SD5 to the bathroom and left DH alone with the counselor. The counselor leaned in toward DH and whispered. "I have to tell you, that woman has serious issues. She has unresolved anger that is going to ruin her and her relationship with her daughter, and anyone else for that matter, if she doesn't get help."
After speaking with my attorney tonight, I've decided your quote at the bottom is my new life motto. He told me (for the 50th time) that it doesn't matter how "nice" or "fair" we are to BM, it will never change the fact that she is insane. These are words to live by!!!
Related? Maybe they're the
Related? Maybe they're the same damn person!!! The counselors told WIngnut the same thing. The only thing wrong with this "family unit" is your desire to make SD5 hate dh.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
Honey, I could tell you some
Honey, I could tell you some stories!!! LOL. I've been w/ DH for 3 years almost 4 & BM is so loony it's gotten amusing. DH & BM were together 11 years & in those 11 years they were split up & separated 9 out of the 11... I've heard so many stories from DH, mutual friends & his family its just unbelievable...
I still try & understand how a woman can seriously say they love their ex when all they ever did was make them miserable, controlled them, cheated on them numerous timest, always uses the children as leverage, belittles him in front of the children, family & friends continues to tell him how worthless, what a dead beat father he is, how terrible he was in bed, how he could never do anything right, he was never a father, Physically attacks him, i mean there are Police reports out the waaazoooo, & she still to this day says their marriage was great & i'm just wondering what does she think marriage means???
This man is a truly amazing man.. I see the husband he is, I see the father that he is, I see how much love & devotion he has for our family, he's a patient man, a giving man... & here this loony is trying to tell me that b/c he's angry/frustrated/disgusted with her & her actions as a mother that he still loves her & he will be coming back to her.?. WTF???????????
Ok. DH always says something about me (example Heather wants to be apart of the children's life, Heather got this or that for the children. He plain as day tells her how happy he is with me and how he's thankful that he had to experience such a horrible first marriage b/c it has shed light on the kind of marriage he wants to have & the kind of person he wants to spend the rest of his life with & that person is Heather). Now, by him saying this stuff... she comes back with how insecure I am and how insecure our marriage is???? yes, ME... that blew my mind... I am so confused... but find it so hilarious!!!!!!!!!
So my advise... EX's are going to do this... b/c they are JEALOUS... they know they lost someone GREAT... & if they aren't happy they sure as hell will do anything & everything to make DH unhappy.
DH and I laugh about it now... we think its funny to watch this woman waste her life by trying to ruin ours... when she could be spending that time by making precious memories of her & the children.... I believe EX's ONLY GET TO YOU IF YOU LET THEM... they only ruin relationships if YOU LET THEM... Flaunt what you got girl... YOUR HAPPINESS IS MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN the "CANCER" (as we like to call it) stuck in your life...
Thanks mrs!!! Words I know
Thanks mrs!!! Words I know in my heart, but always need to be reminded of when the "Cancer" spreads it's disease. I think that's the most difficult thing in this situation. Without BM, our lives would be almost perfect. But then again, how much fun would life be without a few challenges? And she's a challenge we've beat down - time and time again. And will continue to do so.
Oh yes, we're always the
Oh yes, we're always the insecure ones. Wingnut called me to let me know that her therapist think I have a self-esteem problem Oh yeah, my therapist thinks you're a narcissistic bitch! Um, her therapist has never met / spoken to me so obviously basing his "diagnosis" on her ramblings which could be anything. The other 5 mental health care professionals involved in our custody battle have found me strong, independent, responsible, and engaging and found her to be insecure and still in love with a man she treated like garbage.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
That's the only way you can
That's the only way you can look at it... Your love for one another will prove to conquer anything! But, if the "cancer" see's your weaknesses then it will pounce on you while your down. nothing is impossible... People just make the mistake of giving up & giving in... FIGHT for what/who you love & let no one tell you different... It's exhausting, challenging, difficult & rewarding all at the same time. but, isn't life????
at the end of it all the reward is YOUR husband, stepchildren & the satisfaction in knowing you never gave up... That's definitely something to be proud of in my opinion!!! Your husband & children are worth fighting for & they shouldn't have to suffer b/c some ignorant/crazy woman is miserable w/ her life & the choices she made!!!!
Hope it helps...
For the record.....I was NOT
For the record.....I was NOT molested!
We'd never take an ex's word
We'd never take an ex's word for it...:) My dh isn't bi-polar either.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
I thought Wingnut was crazy.
I thought Wingnut was crazy. Her biggest problem is she thinks that dh and I have the SAME relationship that she told people they had. So she made up their relationship - he rages at me all the time - wanted him to come home and now thinks that I am allowing him to abuse me because of my self esteem issues (that she diagnosed), but that he'll change one day and come back to her. WTF? But you win for crazytown!!!
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
I have to say Ex that I
I have to say Ex that I Don't envy your open communication with BM. I'm completely content with the crazy staying as far away from me as possible. I'm not sure I could hold my tongue if given the opportunity.
My exhusband's xwife used to
My exhusband's xwife used to call our house several times a night and hang up. She did this so that each of us would suspect the other of cheating because she was cheating on him while they were married and her boyfriends would call and if he answered, they would hang up.
Well caller ID is a wonderful thing....lol!
Oh yeah... DH is over 5
Oh yeah... DH is over 5 years out and when BM gets down in the dumps (which is often) she calls crying and telling him that it is HIS fault that she ended up the way she is (unemployed, lazy and a pill popper)... she tells him that he just thought the grass was greener and that they could have been happy too.
I love when she does this actually for two reasons:
1. This gives DH to opportunity to make it VERY CLEAR to her that they are NEVER getting back together... everyone who knows us KNOWS that BM in her own crazy mind still thinks she will get him back. So her going off like this give him the chance to remind her that "HELL NO", it will not happen.
2. It reminds ME of why he is with ME and not her. I do get insecure. They have a long past together. They may have only been married for 4 months, but they were each others FIRST everything... it is nice to hear him tell her every once in a while that he needed MORE out of a wife than someone that knows every thing about him. He needs support and comfort, friendship and love. Let's face it, no matter how GOOD he is to me, he is still a man, and he doesn't just jump out and say these things to me for no reason very often. Sometimes I have to get it from him telling HER.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~