This blog follows up on my previous bully post. I had a lot of great feedback on my last one and I really appreciate it.

SO and I have been discussing some solutions, and trying to address concerns about these boys. BS13 and SS8...haven't seem each other for nearly 2months. SS8 has asked every visitation wknd, what bs13 and I are doing, and clearly stated to SO that he didn't want SO and I living together because he didn't want to be bullied. I still think that there are Ither underlying issues, and ss8 behavior is out of control. SO tries to justify his behavior by saying ss8 is always needy, and clinging etc. I say to SO in a sense, that either way, he has to be disciplined and know that this is not his house, and bs13 is not here to entertain ss8. SO says yeah, but of bs13 doesn't come out nun, and doesnt involve ss8, then ss8 will be in OUR faces, and driving you nuts. Right, well, that's life. If ss8 comes over, and snaps his fingers in my face , then I expect you to put a stop to it. If he complains over and over a about a movie I am watching on my tv, and or I ask him what he wants to watch, then I expect him to say thank you, and watch the Damn movie. And if I don't change it, I expect him to accept my no as an answer and not throw himself on the floor. And I expect YOU to discipline him and teach him how to act in someone elses home.

He says that ss8 has visited other male friends home, and been fine, and they even babysat for him, and didn't have any problems. I was a little 'hmphed' with this statement because then it sorta aims the problem at me personally. We then discussed the issues that have occurred over the last 2 years, at my home, one of my friends homes( we attended a pool party, and ss8 (7 at the time) went on about how bad the food was, to the host face) and was just being a little brat, smarting off etc. And then on a visit to my grandmothers, he actually smarter off to me 80 yr old grandmother when she was colouring sub him, and she will not have anything else to do with the kid because she was shocked.
So, the conversation became, so its just me, my family and my friends that he thinks its ok to act like this? SO didn't really have a response, but it was sort of an, ah ha moment for us.

We were discussing ways to improve his behavior, and I thought it was a good idea to make it clear that he is a guess here, because maybe he is confused, that daddy is a guest here. SO thinks the problem is he acts because he wants to be a part of it, and wants to be a part of the 'family' here. I said I could see that, but he made it clear he DOESN'T want daddy living here and it being his home too, but yet walks around like he owns the place. He can't have his cake and eat it too. And his behavior doesn't help. I told SO other as long as he only has visitation, this will never really be like home to him, because its 4 nights a month. The conversation went into my sons visitation with his dad, and how he still calls it Dads, not home. And when he is there, he is on his best behavior, even though he is a 'part' of their family, and has a half sister there. His father would never let him act the way ss8 has. Bs13 SM even told me (when bs13 was giving me attitude, and we were discussing it) that she always thought he was so well behaved, and could not imagine him acting like he has with me. And she has been his SM since he was 5.

And ss8 behavior has seem to of gotten worse since I moved from my 3 bedroom house, into a 2 bedroom. But I just can't keep paying for a 3rd room for a kid he is basically keeping his dad from living with me. Not that I'm eager to move again, or pay for and maintain a 3 bedroom, but if SO was ALLOWED to live with me, I could see a 3 bedroom.

I'm just trying to make sense of it all, since SO and I neither one are in a position to get ss8 into counseling, and meth head BM and drunk BM mother are useless.

Would love to hear some feedback, or suggestions on how to make this kid at ease, while still moving forward with my relationship.