Can anyone explain this to me?
So the newest BM phenomenon is that BM now calls F to discipline SD when SD is at her house, all the while badmouthing him to anyone who is stupid enough to listen, calling him a deadbeat dad.
Two nights ago BM called our house at about 6:00 saying "you need to talk to your daughter." Well, apparently, SD was "backtalking" and not scrubbing the kitchen floor appropriately (don't even get me started, the poor kid is cinderella) and her mother decided to call F and make him discipline her. WTF? He has her only on weekends, yet now he's supposed to discipline her at her mother's house too?!? Can anyone explain this to me????
Anyway, so F talks to her, and hangs up a few minutes later. 5 minutes go by, and his phone ring again, it's BM (of course)"come get your daughter". (she's done this before). We are leaving for vacation tonight, and the plan was that F was going to pick up SD after work today, and bring her here. But because she wasn't listening to BM, she decided to send her away. The catch however is that BM thought that F would say "I have to work, so I can't take her" which has also happened in the past, so then BM can turn to SD and trumphantly say "SEE, your dad doesn't want you" or something equally evil. Well, this time, I had taken time off from work, and am lazing about for a pre-vacation down time, so instead of saying no, F said "I'll be over in 10 minutes" and hung up. NOW what's a BM to do? he called her bluff!
He's putting his shoes on, and of course, the phone rings again. BM says "I've decided to give her another chance." Like SD REALLY is begging her "PLEASE let me try to scrub the floor again to make you happy!" (NOT LIKELY) and she'll call back if he needs to come and get her. So he hangs up and I'm standing there, mouth agape. It takes SO much self control for me not to scream at him and say "WTF??? We're about to start making dinner, now I don't know if I'm cooking for 2 or 3 people, or if you're going to go running out the door any time in the near future. WHY didn't you ask to speak to your daughter to find out what the hell is going on, why did you just accept what BM told you!?!" Nope, didn't say any of that, just calmly said "Well, we'll make dinner for 3, and if she doesn't end up coming over, you can take the left overs for lunch tomorrow."
phone rings AGAIN, and it's BM with really NOTHING to say, just "well, I don't know if she's going to be coming over or not." This time, I guess my vibe conveyed my feelings b/c F said "look, I'm about to sit down for dinner, tell me right now, one way or the other, if I am coming to get my daughter this evening." " FINE FORGET IT", she snaps, and hangs up, apparently there was still enough chores that needed doing before she'd release her maid for the week we're taking her on vacation with us.
So now F is worried sick that BM is going to pull something and not let SD go with us on vacation tonight. He's been worried about this for months, that at the 11th hour, she'd say no. He was ELATED for that brief moment he thought he was getting her, b/c he wouldn't have to worry about her mother saying no after he actually had her with him. Now he's more worried then ever, after this most recent chain jerk. I am fuming mad, I hate this woman so much, and I have no control over any of this. He never even got anything official saying he can take her for the vacation week, so it's completely within the realm of possibility that she could say "nope, forget it" and he couldn't do a damned thing.
I HATE how much power this woman has over him, and thereby our life. I deliberately rented a house for our vacation, to accommodate 2 bedrooms for us and SD. Otherwise, we could have done it cheaper, with a hotel room, or gone with another couple and split the cost. If she ends up not being allowed to go, F will be miserable through the entire vacation. I have been looking forward to this trip for a YEAR! So help me, if BM ruins this, she will regret it. I think very little of her now, but there's pity there, b/c she's an ignorant, trashy, spiteful troll, who doesn't know any better. But if she ruins this, not only will she hurt SD, who will be CRUSHED, F who will be depressed and sullen for the entire week, but she'll also ANGER me beyond words, and she will regret it, so help me!
Thanks for reading, sorry to be so angry, but man, I'll feel better at 5:00 when F shows up with SD en tow and we can put all this on the backburner and go enjoy ourselves!
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Comments
aww
thats not right id go mad if my mum had me doing all the chores but i have a friend that does all this both her parents are alcoholics and she is well accepting of this now (she is also 20 like me ) it has been going on since she was very small . if my friend is anything to go by you need to get her out fast. my friend will nw not leave home scared of what mess her parents and brother will end up in its like she feels she HAS to be there to look after mum fair enough maybe your BM is not an alcoholic and not as likely to do something daft i say get her out
northern.. So sorry to hear
northern.. So sorry to hear that your sd is treated like cinderella. I would make sure that your dh has something in writing saying its ok to take sd where you are going, in case she changes her mind. I make sure that my dh gets that paper when we have taken the skids to Disney.
It was also a big fear that bm would change her mind at the last minute and not allow us to take them. She has gotten sneekier, last time we took them.. she was telling the skids that they would have a bad time, it wouldnt be fun and they could change their minds if they wanted to .. this was during the week leading up to the vaca.. I was FUMING when I found that out.. I mean.. really.. the cost of all that air, the hotel and park tickets.. I would have hauled her fat @ss into Small Claims court to get that $$ back. Luckily the skids said they would go.
My dh wants to plan another trip w/the skids. I am reluctant, because I know we almost lost money on the last major trip.
Have a great vacation either way.
We go through this every year at vacation time!
BM used to threaten SS with I am going to call your dad cause ss would never mind her. Well that was working to her favor and making H the bad guy as H does not care how BM acts ss knows how to behave. Well a big fight came about that and BM has refrained from threatening ss with dad and calling H to discipline him. BM does not want us to know how she has no control over ss when he is with her so she does not call about that anymore. However the first vacation we took with SS was to the beach. The day we were to pick him up BM called furious(why we do not know) but said that ss was not going on vacation with us and that he hated us etc. It was not until 1hr before we were to get him that she called and said to come get him he could go. They feel out of control of things if the kids are not with them and do not want them to enjoy being with the other parent...in short they are JEALOUS! I know what a drag it would be if she did not let your sd go. Even though it would not be your fault you would feel like bad parents being there without her. I will say quick prayer that your H arrives home today with SD in tow!
Darlin', you need to stop
Darlin', you need to stop reacting and start responding -- or the ex-wife will continue to control your actions.
Start documenting what's happening. Note that on this day at this time, the ex-wife called, and write down her concern. Also use a tape recorder; this will record any agitation in her voice, etc. Repeat this with each cycle of calls. Then note that you are concerned about the ex-wife's ability to parent a child. Call her mental stability into question. Have your husband ask the ex-wife if she feels unable to handle parenting by herself. This will probably anger the ex-wife. Be sure that your spouse asks to speak to his daughter to make sure she's okay. Instruct the child to call him immediately if she is not. With enough ammunition, your ex-husband may be able to gain custody of the child.
What a troll.....
She sounds like a real "piece of work". Make sure you document that phone call and the end result....you may need it later! I used to keep a journal of every phone call, no show for visitation, etc. It helped when we went to court, b/c the judge said he doubted that anyone would just sit down and make stuff up, plus we had other evidence to support my journal.
I hope she gets to go with you! Poor girl, how many chores does she have to do??? I'm all for kids doing chores, but not being treated like cinderella!
I will be thinking about ya today and sending good vibes your way!
Thanks guys!
Thanks everybody for tolerating my venting. I started out with a logit question and ended up venting, LOL.
Frustrated if it were my child, we'd have a court doc entitling us to take her, but F doesn't want to rock the boat. It's amazing to me time and time again to see this man who NEVER EVER backs down cave in this ONE instance and let this ignorant LOSER run over him. This is actually why we waited to serve papers until after we get back, for fear she'd say "sure take the kid" then call the cops and claim we kidnapped her. How's THAT for ruining vacation!?
At her mothers, she has to:
do all the dishes (no dishwasher) regardless of whether she's there when they're made or not (I don't know what they'll do for the next week).
so all the family's laundry, which, with a 2 yr old, is a lot.
scrub the floors
pick up the dog poop from the lawn
babysit her sister upon demand
drag a huge trash bin up their steep driveway to the curb on trash day (she's a skinny little thing, and her step "father" is about 6 ft tall, 250 pounds)
and these are just the things we know about. I'm not saying children shouldn't have responsibility and contribute to the home, but that's EXCESSIVE, especially when BM just sits around on her ass all day long, and makes these messes.
StepG and Sia thank you for the good vibes, I'll feel a lot better 2 hours from now when we're all here at our house and celebrating! And thank you all for the well wishes on vacation, where I hope to turn off ALL possible step issues and just relax as a family
That is why I always demand
That is why I always demand that DH get the letter saying he can take them. In case she changes her mind and claims we kidnapped them. DH doesnt think she would ever do it.. but he also doesnt think that she intentionally got pregnant when they had only been dating 6 mths either.
I think that would be her ultimate high.. me being arrested on my vacation. We will never take them anywhere unless she sends a note w/them.
Have a great time on your vacation!!!!