The conversation
(After two failed attempts to get my son and SS to stop arguing and waiting for about 5 more minutes, I finally knocked on my SS's door and...)
Me: You two boys give each others Bakugan back now, so Caleb(my son) can get ready for bed.
SS: (Throws Caleb's Bakugan on the floor, and looks at me)There are you happy!!(snotty)
Me: Don't start.
SS: Why what are you going to do about it?
Me: Just sh...never mind.(was going to say shut up but don't like to tell the kids that).
SS: Don't even go there with me!!!
Me: Oh, and what are you going to do about it?!!(I admit a little childish)
SS: You know, I'm not scared of you!
Me: OK, that's good, and I'm not scared of you!
SS: Why would you be stupid?
Me: That's enough right now!!
SS: What are you gonna do...hit me?!!!
Me: No, I have never hit you!
SS: That's what I thought dummy!!
Caleb: Stop talking to my Dad like that!
SS: (hit Caleb) Shut up stupid!!!
Me: Don't hit him!
SS: One of these days I'm going to beat the crap out of that kid(Caleb) and there is NOTHING you can do about it!!
Me: Caleb, go brush your teeth(shut SS's door)
SS: (behind door) That's right walk away you little girl Steve(me)! Just like I knew you would.
There's the conversation as it happened. Any advice would be appreciated. By the way, my wife says that he's just being a kid, and everybody says things in anger. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
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Comments
oh my god!
that little snot! and your wife! i cant beleive her! how would she feel if your son talked to her that way? or to her son? i am so angry for you right now. and i feel bad for you and your son.
going through same thing with sd11. have no answers at all.
NoFear74 - That kid needs a reality check!
And your wife needs to step up!! I have to warn you - I am in a VERY LOW TOLERANCE mood for any kind of bullsh*t, so in my current frame of mind...
My response to that kid would be... "I may not HIT you, but don't think it's because I CAN'T. It's because I WON'T. And just because I WON'T HIT you... DOES NOT MEAN I WON'T MAKE YOUR LIFE MISERABLE for the next week! You wanna keep it up? Let's see how you do without your (fill in the blank or make up some punishment that you feel is fitting.) "
Get mom on your side, now. And as you do... I'd ask HER to give that little snotty brat a good SWAT on the backside. Maybe you can't hit him (due to issues I understand) but she can swat his backside!! And he deserves it. I'm not talking about beating this kid. I'm talking about SHOCKING this kid into reality. Sometimes words won't do it. Only you and your wife really know a good way to shock him into obeying. What do you think that could be?
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
Whoa!
You have more self control than most people would have had in that situation, so kudos to you!
Sounds like mom needs to stand up and take care of business. I haven't read any of your past blogs, does he treat teachers, etc. in the same manner??
Unbelievable. I have to say, if my spouse allowed their child to speak to me that way, it would be a deal breaker for me. There would be no way I would allow a little stinker like that to dictate my life.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." ~Robert Frost
Send him to Denver. I have
Send him to Denver. I have some hard labor he can do.
I echo stressed's comment. Your ss is threatening your son. Remind your wife how she felt about the door punching episode and her concern for her son. Tell her you have the same concern for your son where her's is concerned. Ask her point blank how she would feel if Caleb called her dumb or said those other things. Ask her what she would expect the two of you to do about it TOGETHER. I think my concern for your situation is that it sounds like in your house that your wife is supposed to parent hers and you're supposed to parent yours, but that leaves too much room for favoritism and excuses instead of responsibility and consequences. Plus, if your wife and you are not a united front to ALL children, it opens the door for that much more disrespect.
To every thing there is a season.
Thank you all!
I guess that i just needed to hear that I'm not being evil here because this conversation happened about 2 weeks ago, and for a week after my wife was mad at me because I told her that I couldn't deal with her son anymore, and that she needed to do something. She told me that I was giving up on him and that no parent should ever give up on their child. My problem is that I know myself, and right now I know that one of these days the kid is going to threaten either my son or another of my kids, and I'm going to say enough is enough and I'm going to beat his ass so he doesn't EVER forget it!! Then I'll be evil, divorced, and in jail, but I've never had a child make me as angry as he does. As a matter of fact before I met him I thought that I was actually a good father, and now with the way he makes me feel...I wonder. Such as the punching the hole in his bedroom door(a couple of blogs ago). That is not the kind of person that I am, but it was better that punching him like I felt like doing. Anyway, thanks again, and God bless you all!!
Steve Shafer
Thank you all!
I guess that i just needed to hear that I'm not being evil here because this conversation happened about 2 weeks ago, and for a week after my wife was mad at me because I told her that I couldn't deal with her son anymore, and that she needed to do something. She told me that I was giving up on him and that no parent should ever give up on their child. My problem is that I know myself, and right now I know that one of these days the kid is going to threaten either my son or another of my kids, and I'm going to say enough is enough and I'm going to beat his ass so he doesn't EVER forget it!! Then I'll be evil, divorced, and in jail, but I've never had a child make me as angry as he does. As a matter of fact before I met him I thought that I was actually a good father, and now with the way he makes me feel...I wonder. Such as the punching the hole in his bedroom door(a couple of blogs ago). That is not the kind of person that I am, but it was better that punching him like I felt like doing. Anyway, thanks again, and God bless you all!!
Steve Shafer
Steve, you must tell your
Steve, you must tell your wife to punish this kid. and if she doesn't , and its obvious she wont, then its time to punish him and you know what....??..you dont have to hit to punish.
1.Since he threatened your son, move your ss out and make him sleep somewhere else. And tell your wife these sleeping arrangements are permanent because of her sons threats.
2. No games, no tv, no friends until he apologises to the ENTER FAMILY and MEANS IT.
3. REPEAT THE PUNISHMENT . and keep repeating it.
4. CLEARLY tell this kid in his face, you dont have to hit him but you can make his life MISERABLE for a looong time. Until he shows soem respect, he wotn get any. YOU are the boss of the house...which means, he gets no tv, no games, no fun time until he stops speaking in this manner.
ANd if you wife doesnt' like it...then i'm sorry, she can leave with her son. Tell your wife youare not giving up on him but this is the punishment and she must back u up.
My dh wanted to put my sonand his together...i said no way.....
oh yah,,,forgot.. lol...i
oh yah,,,forgot..
lol...i wouldnt have walked out of the room. I would have walked in and basically grabbed the bed and sheets from under this kid, dragged it out into another room or space for him to sleep....basically throw him out of the living area that he was sitting on.
you see, you dont have to hit him. You have to show him you are boss. You have to show him you are in control and that until he speaks nicely , you will treat him nicely. I would have done that to physically shown him who was boss. And i wouldnt' have taken on his toys and put it in the garbage bag to keep until he was nice.
i meant i would have take
i meant i would have take all the toys away from him
how old is this kid?? how old is your son???
My son is 9, almost 10 and
My son is 9, almost 10 and my ss is 13. He is just such a bully and my wife has let him get away with it his whole life even with my sd who is 11. She lives with her Dad, and has since my wife and I started dating. At first I felt bad that she had left her Mom, but I get a feeling that I know why she chose to live where she did. Actually, lately I'd like to move in with her Dad rather than to live with the spawn of Satan LOL. Anyway, thanks for the advice. I appreciate it. The really sad thing is that my wife and I have a terrific relationship, and I really feel that this is going to the the one thing that she won't ever change her opinion on. I love her...I just can't stand her son. It was so peaceful back when she did have her son move in with his Dad for a "short" time, but then she decided to bring him back. I told her "No. I don't feel that he is ready yet...it is too soon.", but she got mad and told him he could come back anyway. I guess that right there should have told me who's more important to her. Anway, thanks again.
Steve
At 13 a boy wants his father
At 13 a boy wants his father alot....i find it odd that his own father let him come back unless he has issues with him as well.
Either way, the wife will not change from what you are telling me but at least you can make living arrangments better in one sense for your son. Tell your wife, that since her son threatened yours , he is to move out of the room and he can sleep in another part of the house. My ss is 11 and my own son is 4....i've seen my ss bully mine, and i separated them immediately and there was nothing my dh could do about it. I love my dh too but i gave him the ultimatum.
Umm....i'm sorry that he has to speak toyou that way but as i said, If your wife expects you to decipline, which i think its not your place, then descipline without hitting of course. Take away things but above anythign protect your son and make him sleep in another part of the house.
Do you have kids together?
I'm guessing your son caleb does not get along with your ss?...if not, why torture your son, get him out of his room.
Well, my SS is a momma's
Well, my SS is a momma's boy...as we can all tell...and can also see why because she spoils the kid and lets him do ALMOST anything he wants. I was not clear in my first blog here. My son and SS don't share a bedroom. My son was actually in my SS's room playing. I really think that my SS lets him come in just so he can treat him like crap. Most of the time my SS yells at my son for even looking in his room, so when SS does ask him if he wants to come in he gets excited and thinks that maybe this time things will be different and he won't leave crying again because SS hit him or was mean to him. Another of the problems that now my 13 yo bio son is starting to treat his brother just like his stepbrother, but not to the same extreme. I just pulled my son aside and told him that I may not be able to beat his stepbrother's butt, but I can still beat his(I mean spank, not beat too). It's all one big crazy mess, so I'm not sure what to do or where to begin. I think that it's going to end up ugly though. I just want to tell my SS sometimes that I think he's a little asshole, but I can't bring myself to say such hurtful things because deep down I do love him. I just can't stand him being such a jerk, and having my wife be so blinded to it all. Anyway, thanks again, and God bless!
Steve
Its good for your son to
Its good for your son to have his own room. This will help him keep a distance, but its sad that your son takes the brunt of the action so to speak. It sounds like your SS is just a very angry little boy. His mother doesn't help by giving into him and he's probably angry his father just sent him away.
I think you are doing the best you can by handling your sons and yes, your older bioson should not learn this , its good you put him aside.
I hope things calm down though for all your family to be at peace. Its not nice when one individual spoils the rest of the families peace.
Take it day by day and see what happens.
God bless.
Take care.
Put the little piece of shit over your knee and blister his
bare ass. I know that the dipshit pseudo scientist child behavior morons just published yet another intellectually flawed study that spanking lowers a kids IQ but even if that is true your SS is already a little dumbass and a couple of lost IQ points won't put him in to the drooling idiot range. I am pretty sharp and I guess my parents spanked me down from !180 from my current 142. I would rather be the man of character and standing in the community that I am than Einstein. I am greatful to my parents for teaching me respect and character even if it was occassionally with direct connection between my butt cheeks and my brain.
Grrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!! I would not tolerate that crap at all in my home. Whether the kid was Bio, Step or just visiting.
Blister his ass!!!!!!!!!!! Then stick his nose in a corner every time he steps in to YOUR house and don't let his nose out of the corner until the little piece of shit learns respect and constant contrition. Once he comes begging for you to give him a break hand him a notebook and a pencil and tell him when he is done writing 1000 sentences "I will act like a young man of character and treat all people with respect" all with perfect handwriting that he can quick standing with his nose in a corner and not get his ass blistered with a belt every time he opens his mouth with anything less than absolute respect and deference. Give your wife her wish. Don't give up on your SS. Keep your foot up his ass as long as it takes for him to get the message or he bails crying to Daddy to go live with him. Then stand there and tell your wife "Well, I did not give up on him, he left".
If that little piece of shit was in my house he would be one miserable little delinquent. And if his mother did not step up and put her foot up his snarky little ass along with mine her future in my home would be tenuous at best.
Wait until YOUR kids get old enough to realize that the little asshole has to sleep and take a baseball bat to him while he is sleeping. A good old fashioned Military School blanket party will teach the little shit a lesson he won't soon forget. There is nothing like a bed time full of bruises to adjust an idiots behavior.
Just my thoughts of course.
Sorry for the rant but this kid just pisses me off. And I don't even know him.
Good luck and best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
Hey Rags,
tell us how you really feel.
Just kidding, I know it's a very rocky situation. You remind me alot of my DH. The way you and your wife parent your son, the fact that you call him YOUR son, the fact that his bio fathers side of the family is ridiculous and still acts like a bunch of fools.
My advice would be the same as yours. This kid needs a ass whiping, bottom line. I wouldn't even have time to tell my DH no, if my son ever spoke to him in this way he would blister his ass, and my son is 14 and knows it. Probably why he doesn't talk to him like that to.
I've gotta say, when you don't parent together this is what happens. If my son knew that I would defend him instead of support my DH he would walk all over us. I mean all over us. We have to stand as a united front, and that goes for any type of parenting, step, bio, or adopted. IMO, anyways.
SMJ, Yes, he is my Son. I
SMJ, Yes, he is my Son. I have raised him since he was 15mos old and I am the full time Dad in his life. So, any character issues he has are in part on me.
Just for perspective sake, I can count of a hand and a half or so how many spankings my SS has received from his Mom and I. But, he has never been a disrespectful or misbehaved kid. His truly a young Gentleman who has issues with procrastination and viability of his academic and priority decision making.
Our Son (my SS) knows that what Mom says goes and what Dad says goes with nearly ZERO exceptions that has been the case his whole life (or at least since he was 15mos old). Not that I have not had to temper my Wife's interface with him occasionally and she has not had to temper mine. But, we make it a point to not disagree in front of him when it comes to how we address any behavioral issues he is having.
"Honey, can I speak with you in the study for moment" are probably the most powerful words in a vocabulary when it comes to presenting a consistent parental face when dealing with child behavior issues. We step in the study, discuss our differing opinions then step our and finish the butt whoopin on the kid ..... together.
Just kidding on the butt whoopin of course. We step out, work out our differences then close with the kid on our guidance and any discipline that may be in order.
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
Thank you so much for the
Thank you so much for the encouragement. I guess that sometimes you just need to hear that you're not crazy and that allowing a child to talk to a parent whether bio or step is not normal. I do agree with you that the kid needs his butt beat, and I am not afraid to do it. i guess that my wife and I will just have to agree to disagree on the whole issue. I've tried to explain to her where I'm coming from, but she always makes up excuses for him. She's say, "Well, all the kids talk back!", and she's not wrong, but the difference is that my kids know where the line is and when is time to give up, where as her kid feels taht he should always get the last word, and one of these days I'm gonna lay hands on the child and I don't mean in a religious way either...and then he'll learn. My wife told me a while ago that if I ever hit her kid, she'll call the cops on me, so I guess we'll find out...SOON! Thanks again, and God bless all who have responded to this blog. I really appreciate it. Maybe someday I'll get my crap straightened out and I'll actually be able to give advice on here too.LOL
Steve
Don't hit him. You will
Don't hit him. You will never hear the end of it. Besides, he is trying to break you. You need to make his life miserable. It will drive him insane. No video games, no tv, no phone, no computer, no activities. Nothing. If she won't back you up, she needs to leave with him. Sorry, but I have two stepkids that disrespect me, but nothing like that. I think you showed great restraint not hitting him.
Something I have used as a threat to my son if he goes a bad way. You may want to try it. Just the threat seemed to work on him. He is a good kid about to Eagle in Scouts and has all A's so apparently I won't have to do it. and is talking about Ivy League Colleges. But the threat is always there.
Here is what I did - I drove up to the gates of a Military Academy and parked the car. This was during a particularly mouthy stage. The image of all those kids in uniform marching around, freaked him out. He still mentions it.
If I were you I would do research and leave the papers around for him to see. Order brochures. Take a drive with him. Sounds incredibly mean, but this kid needs a little shock to his system. I even told my son, that I will mortgage the house and withdraw my savings to pay for it. His father had passed away and I explained that if it ever became apparent that I couldn't control him, I would send him away for his best interest because I loved him.
My parents had always threaten girls school on me - I never went, but I knew they weren't kidding.
It is just a thought, but I know if my Skids talked to me that way, I would be making my DH's life hell until he backed me up.
Good luck!!!!
Exactly Jsmom! NoFear...
Exactly Jsmom! NoFear... This is becoming a "test of wills" and a "battle of wit". You need to figure out how to outsmart, outplay this kid and beat him at his own psychological game!
Sometimes, the emotional spanking is much worse than the physical. If you had option to the physical, I would agree the kid needs a swat on the behind. Since that option is currently unavailable to you, use your mind... I'm sure you know how to get to him!!
Let us know what evil plan you come up with... I'm sure we could all benefit!
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***