Rant rant rant.
Hi everyone. Just some more nonsense from BM this past week. It seems that all is calm then she has to stir it up. BF said she has always been like this she seems to go out of her way to disrupt peace and calm.
Her latest rant is that in the court order it states that "no parent shall interfere with the child's wish to take belongings to either home" so in her mind it translates to SD does what she wants. OR BF must hop to it and run around and do her bidding. As of now school clothes we purchased stay at our house and the stuff BM purchased stays at BM's house. We started this plan this school year for many reasons. First being that BF bought all the clothes and SD had to pack a bag every weekend. Then BF had to go to BM's house and pick it up or BM dropped it off every Monday. Once I moved in she stopped dropping the bag off at our house. So it was a hassle every week. Either BM wasn't home or when he picked it up she had to talk to him for an hour telling him what to do and how to do it or rant and rave at him for something he did wrong. Or try to get him to get back together with her.
So now SD has clothes at both homes and doesnt need to pack a bag every week. But now SD has started calling her dad every day saying I need this shirt,jeans,shoes,socks, etc. etc. and expecting him to take it to her at BM's. Well once in a while I can see it but every week two or three times is too much. He told her "No" last week that she will have to make do with what she has at her moms. This didn't sit well with either of them.
Now for one he has a job, just because he has the luxury of working about two blocks away from home and about 5 mins from BM's house doesn't mean he is the damn gofer for SD. I guess he used to do it all the time so it is what she is used to. But now that he is learning about healthy boundaries he is starting to say no. Which of course translates to SD's and BM that I am controlling him. He is torn because he doesn't want to god forbid upset SD but he is starting to realize that catering to her is doing her no favors.
So BM has been blowing up his phone with texts about what a horrible father he is and how he doesn't co-parent just the usual bullshit. But he stayed strong and when SD comes home today he plans on having a talk with her about everything.
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Yes he turned off the phone
Yes he turned off the phone and we left mine on just in case of an emergency. She wont text me but she could call if needed mine was quiet. }:)
That is the thing he told her that she had to leave her clothes at our house if not then she takes it all to her BM's and we have nothing for her at our house. Then its dad I need xyz which means take her shopping. One we can't afford to buy her a new wardrobe every couple of months and two she should just leave the stuff at either home it makes it easier on everyone.
Bm has instilled in all the SD's that if dad is not buying everything you want ,catering to your every need, rescuing you from every self imposed mess you get yourself into and worshipping the ground you walk on then he doesn't love you. The older two are a mess because he started saying no to them. Now they cry abandonment by daddy. They are 23 and 21 :?
With SD12 he has a chance to be a parent to her and help her become a responsible adult. But BM tries to sabatoge every step of the way.
We deal with this issue
We deal with this issue constantly. Have a 13 yr old SS his lousy BM pays for NOTHING. No clothes, no sports, no fees, no toys, no electronics no child support absolutely ZIP. So as the people who provided everything we would get completely livid when we had to watch things that we paid for leave our house to be eaten at her place. Her house is especially fond of cell phone chargers, expensive headphones, and trendy jackets (all items that she uses...hhhmmmmmm). My hubby is has resigned himself to the fact that this is just how things are and SS is old enough to control his own packing and making sure that he has what he needs. I on the other hand cannot stand it, I hate so much about her, I hate that her house is stocked with things that WE pay for and not only that but it comes back dirty, broken, bleached you name it. She doesn't pay for it why the f*%$ would she take care of it. I swear that she does it on purpose.
I have no quams about buying things for my SS, I like nice things and do not mind providing for my SS. But I do mind a whole hell of a lot when the things that I pay for are not at MY HOUSE. I expressed to my hubby and SS many times that I absolutely will not have things that I pay for end up at her house or I will no longer buy SS ANYTHING EVER period.
SS kept taking whatever he pleased to her house with no regard for my dislike of this. So I got in the habit of asking him out of the blue for certain things that I purchased (knowing full well that it had made its way to her house) well well that learned him his lesson when not only did he have to call his BM and make her bring these things to our house immediately and get in a huge fight with him but being caught being a dunce and having my generosity taken away for months on end was enough to teach him.
Its an uphill battle but we're getting there. Good luck to you.