I have an adult step daughter who is out of control and interfering in my marriage. My husband and I have 4 adult children from previous marriages (3 are his, 1 is mine). We also have 2 boys living with us (my teenage son and 5 year-old grandson). Both my husband and I were dismissed from our first marriages by spouses who got a better offer and moved on. We had no role in each other's failed marriages. Since I became a step mother, I have made my best effort to be inclusive to all of our kids. My husband and I promised each other in the beginning to do our best to love each other's kids as we love our own. Our grandson came to us as an infant and we've unofficially adopted him, agreeing to raise him as our own. We have another grandson by my eldest step daughter, who is married. I happily take on the role of wedding planner, shower host, birthday gofer, Santa, Easter Bunny, and overall mommy/grandma duties for all of them. I'm sure I'm not the best, but I try very hard to make things nice.

My husband's daughters live downstate , about 3 hours from us. Recently, we took the younger boys for a visit over a holiday. We checked into a nice hotel so the boys could "vacation" a little with room service and an indoor pool. It didn't work out the way I had planned... at all. On the drive down, my husband became ill. By the following morning, it had gotten worse, so I suggested he run to an immediate care facility to get checked out. The next thing I know, I'm on my way to an ER in a cab in a strange city. The doctor says she's afraid he's contracted meningitis. For the next 5 hours, I find myself making deals with God, calling doctors at home to advise me, while imagining all the horrible scenarios that could play out if the diagnosis is correct. Finally, the tests are conclusive. No meningitis. My husband is on heavy pain meds and is released. We still don't know what's wrong with him. I'm given a stack of prescriptions to fill and am told to go home and ask our own doctor.

We had planned to all go to church that evening for the holiday. Obviously, Dad wasn't going to go in the condition he was in. We went back to the hotel and had 4 hours to get it together and get ourselves to my step daughter's. First my husband needed to eat. I went and got him lunch and put him to bed. I hadn't showered, all of our clothes were ridiculously wrinkled and needed to be ironed and I was flooded with returned phone calls from doctors and family members who were trying to help. I got it all done and scooped my husband into the car and got there just in time. Unfortunately, I still hadn't gotten the prescriptions filled. We agreed they'd all go without me and I'd meet them there after I got the meds. I went to 4 pharmacies to find one that was open and it was 40 minutes away. By the time I got back, I was over an hour late. My husband asked me to stay with him and his other daughter (the official babysitter) to help with the baby, who was crying and feverish. I did my best. I took over with the babysitting duties until everyone got home. It took every trick in my mommy handbook to finally get the little guy to sleep. It seems he was teething for the first time.

The next morning, we met the kids for breakfast. My usually loving and passive husband was still all gooped up on narcotics and decided to call me out on being bossy while we were walking to the restaurant. I'm sure I was, but I was running on fumes. When we got to the restaurant, we were both out of sorts and it was awkward. I tried to apologize for our tough morning and got no response. So I dropped it. They gave me the bill for 8 people and I paid it. On the way home, my husband and I apologized to the boys again and it was over. Or so I thought. The next night (before a school day), we get a call from my eldest step daughter who decided it was time to unload. She screamed at us for over an hour on speakerphone (her idea, because she didn't want to have to say it twice). She brazenly nitpicked everything that went wrong and verbally undressed both of us about how we ruined her weekend. I actually walked out in the middle of the rant, got myself a glass of wine and came back and she never knew I left. When she finally started berating me personally for not attending Mass with the family, I jumped in. I pointed out that her dad and her sister had asked me to stay and help with the baby, so I did. Not good enough. She wouldn't let me finish a sentence and pummeled me about not budgeting my time better... how dare I... ruined her plans... blah, blah, blah. It wasn't going anywhere, so I told her when she's ready to talk to me like an adult and treat me like a human being, she should call me back. I gave the phone to my husband and left the room. She's now taken the position that my husband has a choice to make... me or her. I'm banned from their lives (she is the self-appointed spokesman for her child and siblings). I heard my husband try to point out that she was overreacting and beg her to calm down. It didn't work. I also saw text messages between them since the big blow out. She's unyielding. It's clear she's decided it's time to end my marriage and she doesn't care who gets hurt. My husband even tried to point out that what she's proposing would seriously hurt the two boys still living here. Not her problem. She actually points the finger at me and says I should have thought of that before I showed up late.

For what it's worth, we still don't know what is medically going on with my husband.... more tests and specialists this week.

A little help here, folks? I'm not sure what to do. I'm afraid if I try to talk to her, it will only make things worse. She's always believed she's judge and jury for the world. I've just never been on this end of it. I've watched her throw other people away like an old newspaper and never look back. I'm also afraid that my husband might believe it's the right thing to do to stick by his child, in some warped sense of parental guilt and absolve himself of how unreasonable it would be to participate in her emotional extortion. How do I help him stay on the team? I'm open to suggestions, but right now I think we have a better chance of getting everyone back together if we're a team than we will if we're not. I'm not ready to lose my family over one child's temper tantrum.