Back to school, CS, Clothing.........enough is enough!
Oh where to do I begin....
First let me tell you I love back to school (j/k) because this is usually when BM starts acting like a freak, with attending all school functions the first part of the year trying to make it look like she is such a loving and concerned parent, key phrase "look like" because as most of you know as the year goes on the Bio parents care less and less.
Clothing issue:
Like many of you we have a clothing issue with our BM, we have tried everything, send nice clothing it will not get returned, send 2nd hand not so nice clothing it will not get returned or it will get returned with severe damage to it so SS can not wear it again. So BM started sending him back to us in outfits she has provided, and it worked for a while, because SS would bag up the clothing and wear it when he went back for visitation, but recently we are running in to problems again.
SS has very nice clothing over here, name brand stuff, very clean looks nice and recently over the summer I have noticed that more and more of his clothes seem to be missing. When I ask him he tells me he doesn't know what happened to them, now the other day when he was dressed to go over to BM's for a visit I noticed he was wearing all his clothing from here so I made him change, and I noticed a lot of his underwear is missing. now I am assuming it is going over there, because everytime he comes home from her house he has told me that she sends him back in no underwear.
I guess my rant here is that BM has not paid CS for over a year and 1/2 and just recently DH has been making a decent amount of money but over the many years I was the bread winner, and I am just so sick of having to dish out money every time for my SS because his mom does not want to help out. I am not going to pay for 2 wardrobes one at BM and one here, and for some reason DH thinks it is ok. Finally last night I put my foot down I said if this is the case than with my next paycheck I will go on my own personal shopping spree, I sacrafice a lot for my children's happiness to the point where I haven't even bought my self clothes for quite some time, and I will be damned now if I am suppling 2 wardrobes because BM does not want to work. SS and DH need to figure it out before I lose my mind.
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Comments
I don't understand the need
I don't understand the need for two wardrobes. How much time does he spend with BM and DH? My BF's daughter just comes to visit on weekends, she packs up a bag to bring with her, and then she takes it all home with her. She does keep PJ's and underwear at her dads, but not much in the way of clothing.
Here's our problem
Ss is here 2/3 time. We have an entire wardrobe for him. He goes to his mom's house Thur. and 1st and 3rd weekends. She has basic clothes for him over there. No coats, jackets, shoes, boots, etc. Our problem comes up because ss goes to Bm's house right after school so whatever he wears to school that day goes to Bm's house where it usually sits in a pile of dirty clothes for weeks. We would send him in clothes and wouldn't see them again until they didn't fit anymore.
I wised up on that one and now I make sure (as much as possible) that ss wears clothes back to Bm's that belong at Bm's house. I also put Dh's initials on the tag of any clothes that ss wears to Bm's house that belong here. You know, like if it suddenly gets cold and ss came from Bm's in shorts. Then I have to have him wear long pants from here but Bm can tell right away that they belong here because of the initials. I think she depends on those initials to help her. She doesn't have much organization and doesn't know what belongs here or what stays at her house.
Dawn
We used to
The kids would come friday night and they would have a change of clothes with them that is what they wore back on Sunday- If for some reason they did not bring an extra set just what they wore- I would try to wash it if I did not have time to wash it we would send them back with the clothes they came in- I guess I would try to just get few things that weren't very good and whatever he came home in I would try to send him for the visit in that- it seems like your bm doesn't care or respect the things you buy for him- I guess if she had to buy it - it would be a different thing.
The Problem is this...
We have SS 2/3 of the time as well but unlike Dawn's BM our's is a BM from hell, she is uncooperative and I believe she keeps clothing just to be a pain and she has no money. I believe SS is sneaking the clothing over there so he has clothes to wear when he is over there, because if you read my post earlier she can not even afford to buy him underwear. It is truly pathetic. But as the situation stands now, I am so PO'd about the spending money on clothes for SS I am just beside myself. BM has no respect for anyone not even her own child it is just truly awful.
But to all of you thank you for your words of advice and comfort.
Same problem here ...
We'd pick up the kids and find they were sent to school in ripped and stained clothing so often that in desperation we finally just started throwing the items away rather than have the children look like ragamuffins. We'd always bought them underwear and socks, but now we're also stuck supplementing items such as shirts, pants and even shoes. It's annoying because we pay full CS and have the children most of the time as well. You are not alone in your frustration, but unfortunately I don't think there are any easy answers. I'd definitely check the boy's things before he leaves to ensure he's not smuggling any clothes over. They do it to protect the parent from criticism from other parent, of course. You have every right to be angry over the situation. But try to de-stress. Have an alcoholic beverage, if that's your thing. Then play one of your SS's violent video games and pretend it's BM you're targeting. That may be just the thing.
When the BM had custody we
When the BM had custody we mmediately came home so SD could change(i don't let anyone in my family look like a hobo) and we always had clothing and personal care/ hygene stuff here just for her it was our responsibility as we saw it.since we've had custody SD has had mostly brand name and not near cheap stuff- since BM can not afford it anymore(for herself) she has actually stolen clothes from SD when she was there and it annoyed me. I solved the problem, SD is 14 and old enough to keep track of her stuff, I sent her with a locking duffle to put her stuff in when it was done being worn- BM never laundered it anyways and I keep a list of what is sent, since apparently it is our responsibility to now supply both houses- BM doesn't even have a toothbrush for SD!
There is no reaon where logic does not exist