I think your fine as long as they are somewhere in the room. Put some pictures of them on another wall, as long as they get equal exposure in the living room I don't see the problem. I bypass this by just not putting out pictures in the living room, the hallway has one of me and my daughter and then on either side of that one of SS, DH, and I. Then on the other side one of DH, Our Daughter, and myself. BUt my room is full of pictures of our daughter, us and our daughter, or our wedding pics, SS isn't allowed in our bedroom so he can't be insulted and I get all the pics I want, DH has never said anything about it.

As long as they are prominent elsewhere in the house, I have no problem with it. DH mentioned the other day that our guest room only had pictures of my past and none of his kids, so I have to make a point to find some pics of SS to put in there..

I think it's wrong. It sends the message that there are only 4 people in the family. The SSs are just extras.

If I were going to put pics up in the living room I'd do a big pic of EVERYONE together on that wall with smaller pics surrounding it. Hell, I'd put pics of our puppy dogs and the bird up there too!
I do not have photos in the living room though, SD remarked on it and I said that the frame she gave me with her picture in it is on my bedroom dresser so I can see her smiling face every morning when I wake up.

Since GG "accidentally" ripped a childhood photo of Awesomeson, when he was having a hissy fit over me emailing another SM about the horrendousness of his "beeeeaaaauuuuuuuutttiffffull wife" (the Behemoth, aka the BM) there are no photos of my bios around the house period.

I have them safe in a photo album here at work. On the other hand he has his brats' photos in our bedroom as sort of a "shrine" to them. There has been talk of him hanging up photos of their beastly faces in the living room once all the rennos are finished. Um no. He has his shrine and I have been relegated to moving my photos out of his destructive path.

I don't even look up my email on the "home computer" anymore b/c I've accidentally left it open twice and this last time, he got on me for telling his own niece that "I'm trying to get GG to come out of his shell" BLASPHEMY!!!

He then went on to tell me that he considers his ex-family (The Wookie, Ex MIL, and all that clan) to be MORE FAMILY to him than his actual own family that didn't side with the Behemoth!!!

I'm sure if I'd let him, he'd hang photos up of the Behemoth and the Wookie as well in MY living room!! As he said he'd rather invite the Behemoth and Wookie over to MY house than his own family that DIDN'T side with the Behemoth!! UNREAL!!

Sorry, phew, that felt good to vent!!

Since it does not sound like these are bad SS's, the issue is not about removing a reminder of pain and abuse and all that. OP hurts because she misses having had "firsts" with her kids. Ripley said it best in my opinion: you want to be "with" your husband, not against him. Reality is that these kids are part of his family and if being united and together is the goal, then the right thing to do is to include them on the wall, even if it is difficult to do so.
A lot of the advice here has come from those that have horrible skids and have given up, and that is fine for them, and legitimate. OP is not there, and she has a chance to have a good thing with her husband; Ripley's advice will help in that direction. Should her whole family fall to pieces and skids turn into nightmares and all that, then the advice of those that are already there would be more appropriate.

Everyone's picture should be on the wall.....but I DO get where you're coming from. I have baby #2 and #3 is on the way soon....and I too feel like you!! SS born first gets everything!! Not only does his mother get all of my hubby's money, he gets two birthdays, Christmases, and so on! It takes everything in me to be fair but I suck it up 80% of the time.

Here is some perspective, my sister has 3 bio children some walls have pictures of 1 or 2 of the kids another wall another kid. All of her kids are not all on one wall but no one cares or makes a fuss because they are all bios so why does it matter as long as they are all somewhere just because they are steps. As long as you are hanging them somewhere screw it, people hang pictures all over they aren't always on the same wall even when there is no steps or mutible families involved.

I find that we have to even ask these questions so f**king ridiculous - it is your house newmom01 and believe me when your BM puts up pictures in her house she does not give a freaking thought to how anyone will feel not even how her kids will feel about it I am sure she does what she wants - and quite frankly most kids don't even notice the pictures on the wall - I have a whole wall of pictures in our family room and not one of my friends kids or friends of my DD even glance at the wall only the adults do - so OP it is your wall, your house do what your want to do - you live there full time and you are the boss remember that!!! Good Luck and great on finding the "hot" sofa!!

Maybe if there were just photos of the kids it wouldn't be an issue. When you add the adults with one set of photos and not the other, things change. One wall becomes the family wall, the other isn't.

I just asked DH about this, and he said he would not think it was strange, or be hurt, or that I was "sending a message" with my photo placement. If all the kids have a photo in the room, for him it would be fine and dandy. I hope you don't feel too bad over this.

I wonder why, if the dh does not approve of her photo arrangment, then he doesnt go out and get some frames and then hang pics of his kids where he likes. This is always one of the things that irks me. That alot of these men sit back and are worried about their kids feelings-but as I said they are "sitting back". They are not involved in doing these sorts of things for their own children when they should be. they are not the ones pondering a nice photo arrangment for their children-face it-they probably couldnt care less-UNTIL the stepmom puts up something of the children she gave birth to. I feel like it fine for her to want to have a photo arrangment that SHE enjoys-and likewise I also feel like it is fine for the dh to have a photo arrangement HE enjoys-but isnt it up to him to create one he likes? I'm all for being thoughtful to the person you married-but there is also a time to take some personal responsbility. Why had he not previously arranged some photos of all his children? Why now is this an issue for him? If it is an issue-then he needs to do something-not go to his wife and tell her to change the setting that she chose.

Also as far as the "creating a division"-yes there already is one. I personally made the mistake when my ss was younger of NOT creating a division-but absolutely treating him exactly like I did my own bios. He got just as much space for photos-just as many walls as the other kids-and it did not create any peace or harmony. Heck he's not been to our home in months and he lives 10 minutes away. He has spent years rejecting this piece of his family-and I did put his photos up. I realized later that ss WANTED to be treated differently-he did not WANT to feel like one of MY kids, because he had his own mom. It's easy to sit around and think what these kids might want or what they might care about, but in reality we dont even know so why waste so much effort?

I think things like pictures, gatherings, holidays, birthdsys, vacations, finances, time, rooms, houses, schedules...etc.... i think all these things we have trouble with (that we vent about) and other family members too (dh, bk, sk, mil etcc)

These things are just physical reminders of the fact that we are NOT one family.
We just arent. We are not the intact family, we are not the first family. We are multiple families co existing under the same roof. Sometimes full time, sometimes part time, sometimes for visits!