It is about what is best for the kid... not what BM will think about it in the end. I would do it.... if you have the means. Id there any way you could pay for it without them knowing it was you? If the important thing is that SD goes... than can't it be a "scholarship" of sorts????

Daddys Gurl

It's Better To Have Loved And Lost, Than To Have Spent The Rest Of My Life With THAT PSYCHO!!!!

Would lean towards the no. It is THEIR responsibility. I would vote yes into chipping in towards the half that your husband owes but that is as far as I would take it. Don't you dare feel an obligation towards this. You would be opening up the door for all kinds of conflict I think - a few you have already stated.

On another note, I am a biomom as well and would never have promised my child something that I could not follow through on and would NEVER allow someone else (whoever) to pay for something I promised. Its a tough lesson SD is going to have to learn. But she's obviously going have to learn this disappointment sooner or later and you can't bail these people out every time they make a promise they can't keep.

"To the ass, or the sow, their own offspring appears the fairest in creation."

Your SD will either remember the trip she never got to go on, or she'll remember the fabulous and life-impacting trip she got to go on...and because of her Stepmother. sounds like a win-win to me.
The BM will get over it. She shouldn't have a problem with it to begin with.

I have done this for ss's and it has just turned around and kicked me in the butt! If hubby would say, sorry, I can't afford to pay for that, BM would say, tell SM to pull out her cash....and she would say it in front of the kids. If I said no, then the skids would be mad at me and BM would say, oh ya, if it was for BM's kids, she wouldn't hesitate to pay, but since its for you boys, she doesn't give a shit.

I think the BM should start to pay for her consequences by saying yes and now no, she can't afford it. When I am not sure if I can afford something or not, I always say, we'll see. That way it gets the kids off my back for a bit and it also bids me some time to put $ away for it.

Corie

Can you or DH talk to BM about it...and say you are going to loan her the money. That DH will take so much out of CS until you are paid back. She doesn't have to know the money is coming from you, she can think it is from DH. Of course, you will also be covering DH's portion. I too would feel badly for SKID who didn't get to go. But yes, again it would be a big lesson for her. This can go either way. if BM truly feels saddened that her daughter can't go, maybe you can loan it to her, but if BM doesn't care...why should you?

I would pay for it, under conditions. I would sit down and have dad and yourself explain that this is not just a free trip. Have her pick up a few chores, do some things to show she wants to go. You can not punish the child for BM mistakes. She can offer to babysit a couple times without being paid for a family member, do more chores, or mow lawns, or even if it is not that, you can make up a written agreement that if grades go down, this will be the last trip. In the end, you do not want her to look back and be the only child who did not get to go, but that is just my opinion!

I voted YES until I read how much $$$ we're talking about. I wouldn't pay that for my own kid.

~ Anne ~

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