First off....CONGRATS on the upcoming birth of your BABY! I am looking at this from so many different angles that it is hard to put a finger on it….I guess my first thought is why did he agree to sign the kids over…I know that dealing with the biomom can get VERY tough and I do understand that there comes a point where a man may feel that hes taken all he can and would rather just “explain” it to the kids when they turn 18, if a parent feels the need to take that position it cannot be taken lightly b/c that is a HARD position to take as a parent…so the fact that he did it and now is reconsidering….i’m wondering why is that? How many years have passed since he signed his rights away? How old are the boys? Has the biomom changed/grown from the person she was when he felt compelled to sign his rights away instead of trying to deal with her? All of these things are factors to consider b/c 1. the boys will likely be resentful of you, your husband and their new sibling if they are old enough to understand what is going on and 2. If she (biomom) is the same person, you have a tough road to hoe and is he (your husband) certain that he has what it takes to stick it out this time? Also, they are your child’s siblings and when it is possible, the adults have a responsibility to foster a relationship b/w them…one day we will be dead and gone and all they (the sibs) will have is each other….so there are two boys (one is biologically your husbands and the other he raised for 10 years and then found out that he was not biologically his?) I think that you are going to have to pray about it and ask that your heart be changed b/c to leave based on the fact that your husband wants to try to be a good father to ALL of his children (who we cannot forget are INNOCENT in all of this ADULT DRAMA), even though he may have made some bad choices in the past sounds like a risky choice. You are going to be a new mother and to CHOOSE to become a single parent…that is setting yourself and your child up for a long hard rode….especially since it is possible that your husband could bail on the situation if co-parenting gets too rough…but it sounds like he’s had a change of heart and wants to be a Good Dad….it is our responsibility as WIVES to support our husbands in this as best as we can….sorry so long…but I have stepkids, stepsiblings and a step mom….I see many facets to this issue….I wish you well in making a very hard decision

I think that this is probably a bad time for you to be stressing out. You need to stay calm and collected because your life is about to be turned upside down and I mean that in a good way. My son is turning one on friday But my point is this is not the right time to upturn your lives. I'm sure someone out their is gonna burn me for this one. Let the dust settle a little and then slowly blend your family..if thats what you and you husband decide to do.

You mentioned that your husband was asked to terminate his rights, but I didn't catch whether or not he did. From my understanding ( I had my daughter's bio father's rights terminated a few years ago) if he did, she could decide to stop allowing him to see the kids when she and the new BF get settled and there's nothing he could do about it. That would be awful for the kids.
This is a messy situation. I feel for you- the birth of a baby is such a beautiful experience and not one that you want overshadowed by something like this. Would your husband consider postponing the reunion until you have had a few months to settle in with the baby? During that time, you two may be able to come to a compromise.

Relax and don't stress out because of your condition. If one of the child is your husband's, I think it is important for any parent to develop a relationship with his/her child no matter what the circumstances are. That's just my opinion. Until you can understand that and accept that part of it, it won't bother you much. With his intention to start seeing his child, communication with the ex will be with you til the end. This is the hardest part of it, ex being in your lives. If she's nice no problem but if she not, problem will exist if you let it. But for most of the exs are mean and full of jealousy so I don't really know what to say to you. There's the advantages and disadvantages you'll need to deal with. For your new child, focus all your energy on him/her, don't let the other stuffs worry you. Good luck and keep the communication open between you and your husband. Keep us posted.

Let your husband keep in contact with the kids. If he has already signed away his rights, there is no schedule to stick to and no support to pay. If the kids are old enough to have opinions on the matter they can decide if they want to come and visit once in awhile just to keep in touch. The ex can't make you or your husband do anything at this point since he signed away his rights.

Enjoy your new baby when he comes. I don't see the ex being a big problem in this scenerio.

Dawn

Let the father work out his situation with EW and SK's. You need to de-stress and enjoy becoming a mother yourself.

Just keep smiling......................

And that's the plain, unvarnished truth. He doesn't HAVE to see them and he is no longer obligated to do anything for them. No court will ever order him to take them for visitation or pay CS for them. They are no longer his children. I have no idea how old these kids are, but I'm assuming they are old enough to have been told, "Daddy A is not your Daddy, anymore. Daddy B is now your Daddy." There had to have been some kind of transition from one father to the other. So now they are supposed to go back to Daddy A and forget about Daddy B? What does this do to a child?

Their father (meaning the one who adopted them) is the one with the rights to visitation and the obligation to pay CS. How does HE feel about ex-father coming back into the picture? He has rights now that ex-father no longer has, whether he divorced the mother or not. If he doesn't want ex-father to have contact, then he can most certainly prevent it. He does own that right.

The part about "he claims to love him" bothers me, because if you love your children, do you willingly terminate your rights and let someone else claim them? This is a travesty, as far as the children are concerned. You can't give your children away to someone else, then decide later you want them back without creating some confusion for them. What kind of psychological issues could this cause for these children?

My ex-husband voluntarily gave up his rights and my son was later adopted by my current husband. In the paperwork, he is prevented from EVER having any contact with my son, either directly or through a third person. In fact, if he happens to walk into Wal-Mart or something and sees us there, he cannot acknowledge the child whatsoever. (It has happened, he saw us somewhere and quietly left.) What kind of paperwork did your fiance sign? I would read very carefully how it is worded, because it COULD be a violation of the law if he has contact with the children. (And don't believe the mother wouldn't ever have him charged with contempt, because pissing her off one time is all it would take.)

I understand that there is a biological relationship between him and these children, but I totally get your POV, because technically, they are no longer his children. They are the children of his ex-wife and her ex-husband. They are not, nor will they ever be, your stepchildren. They are not, nor will they ever be, his children... the new father would have to terminate HIS rights, then the ex-father would have to adopt them for them to ever be his children again. To prevent emotional and psychological damage to the children, I would strongly suggest he remove himself from the children's lives. Or, at the very least, have the whole relationship evaluated by a child psychologist who can guide him and the children through the reunion process.

As for you, congratulations on your pregnancy and DON'T FORGET TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND YOUR BABY FIRST AND FOREMOST.

~ Anne ~

"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)