Do you look forward to your weekends?
Isn't the norm to look forward to weekends? How can you do that when it's visitation weekend EVERY OTHER DAMN WEEKEND? I know it could be more frequent....but I dunno.
With the birth of our daughter and another one on the way, money's been kinda tight. All I see/think of when I think of the kid are negative dollar signs. I'd love to just pay the support and be done with it. None of this visitation crap. When she's here, that's MORE money out of pocket. We try to not do much when she's here anymore. Before we had kids of our own, we'd take her to the movies, take her to different places to eat...not anymore.
Sigh, it doesn't bother me as much knowing that he had sex with that scantless gutterwhore many years ago...it used to REALLY bug me when she would inject herself into our lives. When we'd actually have to physically see her. Well, I see her everytime the kid is here, but I just ignore her sometimes and pay attention to my own daughter.
It still bugs me when they say that they're "sisters." They're F$@QCKING HALF-SISTERS damn it. But whatever. My daughter gets the sister acknowledgement and I get the "dad's wife" acknowledgment (not stepmom). Whatever, I'm glad she just doesn't do anything bad to my daughter.
Okay, end vent now.
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This post makes me sad on so
This post makes me sad on so many levels. Is your SD a bad kid?
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
Yes, I do enjoy my weekends.
Yes, I do enjoy my weekends. I was aware my dh had kids prior to marrying him and that being a parent comes with financial obligations and no kids are perfect.
If Iwasn't up for that without it letting me turn bitter I wouldn't have opted to marry him let alone bring additional kids into the world. When money gets tight we make the choice to do other fun family activities that do not cost such as go to the library or park, sledding, whatever.
I remain aware that my attitude and conduct toward my dh's other kids is an example to my kids too so that keeps me in check if there are frustrations.
*standing up and
*standing up and clapping*.....
A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....
Not me, I hate everyother
Not me, I hate everyother weekend. to the point if I felt the baby was safe with the SD here, I would get a second job just to stay away from SD. I despise that little manipulative, trouble maker, and she has hurt our baby 3 times that we are aware of (baby is 9 mo old).. I am stuck here to monitor her behavior for baby sake, so I just take baby and leave as long as possible.. I sat in the grocery store parking lot listening to radio for 3 hours one weekend while baby slept in car seat, just so I didnt have to come home and deal with SD..
MrsKatch - Would you
MrsKatch - Would you consider imagining how you would feel if your Bio child(ren) had a SM who felt this same way about them? How old is your SD?
I know how much you would like to erase your DH's past completely, but it's there and will always be there. We have to redirect our negative feelings into something else, otherwise, they will consume us, much like what seems to be going on with you.
There are many times where I look forward to a nice quiet peaceful evening, we have four children between me and BF and it gets hectic alot. But, having Bio children of my own doesn't give me the right to treat the skids as second class citizens.
___________________________________________________________________________
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
That MM, was my point
That MM, was my point EXACTLY. This post makes me sad. I would hate knowing that my ex's new girl felt this way about my girls. I know she doesn't... but if I had any indication that she did, it would break my heart.
I look forward to weekends WITH the kids, and weekends WITHOUT them. I take advantage of the fact that DH and I have every other weekend ALL to ourselves, we can get outta town and not worry about a babysitter, we can have a few drinks without feeling like horrible parents. But by the time Monday rolls around, I miss the kids like crazy... ALL of them. And the following weekend I look forward to snuggling on the couch and watching movies with my babies.
I don't know that I would stay in a marriage if this post is how I felt about his kids.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
I thoroughly enjoy the
I thoroughly enjoy the weekends with SDs. We stay up late and watch tv, eat popcorn, play the Wii. It's actually loads of fun when they're at our house. Sure they get on my nerves from time to time, but all kids do that, even my perfectson. When they do, I tune them out for a bit and regroup, then I'm ready to play some more!
all I can say to this post
all I can say to this post is...."wow"
A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....
oh man you guys are lucky,
oh man you guys are lucky, we have the kids EVERY WEEKED. i count down the days until the little bratz get there and tear up my house. i cant take it anymore. im ready to move on with my life and find something better for me and BS. ic ould care less if i ever saw the skids again, i wouldnt bat an eye lash. I work all week to come home to chaos.
I'm sorry my post makes some
I'm sorry my post makes some of you sad, but it's how I feel. We used to be able to do a lot of family things together (I used to help her with homework, play instruments, etc.), but once you have a kid of your own, there's seldom even time for yourself! We don't really have family around to help that much; so it's basically just us. And, with the stress/hormonal changes of baby#2 on the way, I'm running on empty, I feel like a zombie. Anyways, I'm digressing.
We don't bond (that much). We really haven't seen her that much (weekends get skipped) because her mother had a baby, events, etc. DH doesn't mind, we just get her the next visitation weekend. It's superficial when she's here. How's school? "fine" etc. You have to really ask questions to get answers. DH doesn't do that. We've gotten bitten in the butt before. Anything we asked would get back to BM and she's make some sort of issue about it, so we just left it alone.
What do your SK's call you? Are they affectionate? We started getting visitation a few years ago (after DH and I started dating)....so we began dating without visitation. I knew he had a kid, but there was no official obligation, BM refused it but she went psycho when she found out he moved on (this was already 5+ years later).
So, going back to the "a mother is not defined by the B or the S in front of her name..." I care for her well being when she's here. I've been reminded many times by BM and SD that I'm just "DH's wife" so after all this time (years), I gave up; whatever. How funny, if you add B and S = BS
I agree with you, but it just didn't work out for us that way.
Here's something to consider
Here's something to consider though. If your dh really doesn't care much about missing weekends with his child and is superficial with this one it is just what you can expect from him if you two split up as far as his parenting. That is what makes me nervous when people talk about their dh's not being great parents to the other kids (our skids) and tossing them out the door because they have problems or can take or leave them. Uggh if that is the parent of my kid I'd be scared to die or be able to divorce if needed. It is something to think about anyways.
My kids call me by my first name and on occasion mom, more when they were younger. I am their Dad's wife so I am not offended if they think of me as that. I do not have a huge part in their life as we have an eow setup for the most part so I don't have any need for them to consider me a VERY important person. More along the lines of an aunt or something like that is fine with me. I care for them and wish them well but they are not forefront in my mind/life daily either. I get the 'you are an important person' needs met by my dh, my kids, extended family/friends, etc..,
hey...everyone has their own
hey...everyone has their own sitch...I am the one who bonded with my SDs and forged the relationship that they have with their father today...I did that...because I knew that my husband adored HIS girls, but had no idea how to bond with them when he saw them every other weekend and their mother was PASing to death at her house.... I adore my husband and I adore every thing in this world he helped create...his children are a part of him...I had many bad years where skids wouldn't even speak to me due to PAS....I had many years where SS wouldn't come for visitation due to PAS...but I hung in there...I stepped up and became their mother-figure because their biomother would rather do drugs, drink and screw in her locked bedroom than feed her kids...and I can tell u this...I could gain 100 lbs...become a total screw up and my DH would still adore me...why?...because I treated his children well...hey I didn't love them at first..LOL....I didn't even like them at first.... u sounded in yur original post that you have such contempt for this girl...I don't know what she could have possible done to you personally..why on earth would you not want your husband to have visitation with his child?...wouldn't that hurt him?....but as I stated "wow"....I guess if u ignore her when she is in your home and only speak to your bio daughter, she will eventually stop coming around and then u won't have to worry about her anymore...
A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....
"It still bugs me when they
"It still bugs me when they say that they're "sisters." They're F$@QCKING HALF-SISTERS damn it"----my brother is my HALF-BROTHER and I can tell you I would have been permanently traumatized if his father would have made it clear that my brother wasn't really MY brother but only a "half"
They are children...if they feel they are sisters, why take that bond away from them? I can understand if you don't have enough inside of yourself right now to give to a child who isn't yours but why be resentful of the bond your daughter is building with her?
No matter how much I disengage from SD, ignoring her and just paying attention to my son is NEVER an acceptable option. You have to find a way to swallow your bitterness and your resentment...so many people stand to lose so much if you can't make peace with your feelings.
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland
SD5 was not thrilled with my
SD5 was not thrilled with my pregnancy (though she put on a good face for dh). I still feel like she and her sick mother are happy that my beautiful boy died. SD doesn't even have that ability that most people have to be sad for other people who are sad or to understand that people are sad for that matter. her only concern when I came home from the hospital is that she was being IGNORED because dh and I were crying.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
awww...very sorry about yur
awww...very sorry about yur boy, so....and I'm sure my BM has wished death on me on many occasions...anyway....nothing can take away that loss, and I am very sorry for u and yur DH
A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....
oooooo look at u
oooooo look at u BBB..LOL.....a year ago, u wouldn't have said that...my, my....u are on the right path, young sparrow......LOL
A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....
lol, you're funny It's
lol, you're funny
It's only because I'm being a stubborn arse about disengaging without causing emotional strife for anyone...it's a very delicate tightrope walk that i'm on with the potential to get ugly if I don't watch my step.
I'm disengaged,but if SD's "ubermom" ever takes a walk...you bet your buttons I'd be right there to take over for her without thinking twice about it bc I love my DH.
And at the risk of sounding all preachy and superior, I'd NEVER tell my son "uh no honey, that's not your sister...she's your stepsister." They don't have the same parents and they refer to each other as, "that's my brother." "That's my sister" Why would you discourage that bond or feel resentment at that bond?
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland