family court to skids on weekends
How do I adjust from a man with no kids to a man with skids on weekends? He wants me involved in a mother role but I don't know how to ease in to this new expectation of his. He seems to want to push me on his kids so that they like me. How do I do this? Ugghh...
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Theres two ways to go about
Theres two ways to go about being a stepmom- envolved and disengaged. I've found it usually comes down to what your H is actually ready for you to be in his kids lives, as the children's mother could have a different approach than you.
Honestly, just aim for a friend and take it from there.
I agree with the friend
I agree with the friend angle. SD9 threw the wii remote through the plasma. I immediately left the room and walked away. BD was mad at me but I disengaged so that he could parent the situation. I wanted to cry and felt that it was best to just walk away. Skids will be back in 2 wks with a new plasma in place. BD feels my thinking on not playing the wii for awhile is mean. I see it as a consequence to a lesson learned. SD9 knew that she was to strap on remote but didn't follow the rule... hence cracked/broken tv.
Doesn't it just chap your
Doesn't it just chap your butt when the biodad is too soft with the kids, of course it is all out of guilt, hmph, alot of good that guilt will do them lads in the future eh?
Doesn't it just chap your
Doesn't it just chap your butt when the biodad is too soft with the kids, of course it is all out of guilt, hmph, alot of good that guilt will domthem lads in the fututr eh?
Hmm does he want you to take
Hmm does he want you to take on the "mother role?"
1. because he himself does not want to parent and wants to be the "good parent" whilst you are the "ogre parent"
2. because he will be a united front with you and will maturely talk to you about how to raise the children and get on the same page.
If it's ONE, RUN!!!
Most men are just looking for a woman to do all the WORK of parenting yet also keep the option open for the "real" parent (aka the BM or biodad) to walk in at any moment and take away or undermine any authority she may try to exercise.
BEWARE and BE AFRAID, be VERY VERY afraid!! I'm getting red flag vibes!!
He wants the united front...
He wants the united front... acutualy used those words : ). He feels he can provide a better home life giving the children two parents. Children live with a single dating mother. He feels we can offer the children a stable family life that they are not getting at home.
Don't be so sure. . .Most men
Don't be so sure. . .Most men (about 98%) want a woman to take on the parenting role without the authority to back it up.
They want someone to do the laundry, cooking, housecleaning, sexual benefits, financial aid to THEIR children, yet have ZERO say so when it comes to any decision making.
Be VERY careful with this!!
Most, although angry at the BM, are scared shitless of her and will placate her at every turn to YOUR detriment.
Actions speak louder than words. GG told me in the early days that he "knew I had already raised my children" blah blah; yet I was EXPECTED to do the motherly role, yet go along with his disneydad lifestyle and not have any say so in the non existent visitation schedule he had (it was ALWAYS on a moment's notice and turned into EVERY weekend when the Behemoth discovered internet dating)
Do you know the warning signs?
What is "Behemoth"?
What is "Behemoth"?
The oversized BM in my case.
The oversized BM in my case. She's six foot tall and about 250+ pounds. She also works for CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES and puts on a stupdendous "mother of the year" (MOTY) act; which nothing could be further from the truth.
I posted some warning signs you should be on the lookout for.
I take a bit of a different
I take a bit of a different tack on Sparenting. My wife and I are partners. Equity partners in everything in life so I am damned sure an equity parent to children in my home whether they reside in my home or visit are bio or step.
In our case we are the CP household and my SS-18 is an only child in our home and has been since he was 1yo. I am his dad. I chose to be his dad when I married his mom and I am an equity parent to both my wife and his SpermIdiot. I am the only full time dad he has ever had and he knows unequivically that I am his dad and have his back. He also knows that I have expectations of his behavior and that I have set the example and expectation for him to be a young man of character and a viable adult.
My stance is that if either BP does not like me being an equity parent .... tough shit.
Don't get me wrong. When my wife and I can not agree on a compromise if we disagree on a parenting issue she has ultimate veto rights and I will back her with any consequences of her decision with the Skid or with the SpermClan. However, she also knows that I have lifetime "I told you so" rights if she chooses something different than what I recommend and it does not go well.
One thing we both absolutely agree on is that our marriage is the core of our family and no one, including the Skid or the SpermClan, ever takes precident over our relationship. Our son (my SS) benefits from our relationship but is not a party to the relationship.
Just how it works in our world of course.
I imagine that I will have to
I imagine that I will have to do a lot of swallowing as BD gets to know his children. The other day I had to fish reluctantly. I hate to injure crtitters that are just going to be tossed back to live with an injury/scar I inflicted. So I go fishing, catch a fish by hooking it's stomach only to puncture the wind pipe. Now the fish is not able to submerge and swims back to me only to be knocked out and tossed over a bank to die. Next time I fish with no worms. I am learning to just go through the motions. I hate fishing!!