I'd leave the relationship in all honesty. It just isn't worth it. Child abuse accusations are a HUGE deal, especially if you have children and/or a professional career.

Your DH needs to do something and quick. The daughters video "confession" is huge. You've got a BM here who will escalate the situation while causing mental harm to her daughter. If it goes to court one would hope they would see through it but this is going to be a nightmare to you, your partner, and your joint family.

Get this child in therapy asap. If possible your partner needs to get primary custody siting BM's clear attempts at alienation and manipulation. He needs to express his concern. This isn't just about you and what's being said. It's about the kid whose basically being brain washed.

Sadly I don't think this will end well either way. You need to make a plan with your partner now. NEVER be alone with this child. If possible place nanny cams in common areas of the home. Possibly face them towards bedroom doors though not in to protect privacy. You're going to need your own evidence if this ever goes to court.

I really hope you are not planning on babysitting this girl on Sunday while your BF works! :O

You need to leave or ban the child from your home until this gets sorted out and you and DH come up with a plan. He can go see her outside of the house with out you or your kids around. Harsh, but you have your kids to worry about.

To be honest, I don't think you have anything to worry about other than a nightmare life with this brat. I mean, let's say that BM takes this to CPS or family court. YOUR children will undoubtedly be interviewed and will undoubtedly say that you have never hit them and that they have never seen you hit SD, your DH will say the same, so it will be 5 people's word against a 4 year olds.

I guess in my experience CPS is a joke. I mean BM1's youngest daughter got bit in the face by their dog, BM1 and her 4 kids (not DH's) were living in a 2 bedroom apartment with 3 other adults so they didn't have a room or beds etc., BM1 has her baby daddy #2 in and out living with them even though he has been arrested multiple times for assaulting her and her brother that also lives with them, BM1 has been hotlined numerous times for neglect, has been a suspected drug user for years now and every freaking time, CPS does n.o.t.h.i.n.g.

sure, would it be a hot mess having to deal with CPS, court etc? Absolutely, but I don't think you are in danger of losing your kids.

I had a friend who's DH was removed from the home due to false allegations for a YEAR while CPS investigated. Even though he was able to prove he was at work at the time of the incident (daughter broke leg) and his boss provided a letter as well, it still took a year to "investigate". He stayed with his parents for the year.

The accusations can ruin your life. This is not a knee jerk idea of mine. It is not a slice of sarcasm either.

Assuming what is being said are falsehoods, you must understand that CPS will take this seriously and within a day or two after reported they will come to your door.

Since you have two bio children of your own---your obligation is to them. the next few years may be spent in court trying to defend yourself in front of cps, a family court Judge AND your ex husband who may have been awarded custody because of all this.

I have seen first hand abused infants and primary school aged kids. It's awful. BUT I have not seen anyone falsely accused get time in the clinker. What DOES happen is they are financially ruined, careers lost and respect within the community gone.

Your options are:1. do not be present during the child's time with bio dad.
2. Never be alone with bio child
THE above are necessary to protect yourself from false charges.
3. find out whether or not BM has ruined pervious relationships that your boyfriend had.
It is unlikely you are the first AND only target. I would bet my last penny she has done this before in one capacity or another.

4. Ask yourself "is this how I want to spend the rest of my life"?

Do not day dream about how thing may or MIGHT be. Answer that question based on the current reality.

Please be careful. Google child psychologist in your town OR a larger town near by. SD needs to be checked by someone with specific credentials. THIS NEEDS to be dealt with now not later.

I've dealt with this. SDs9 told their mother that my girls were hitting them in the face "daily and repeatedly." Never happened. BM send DH a text and he got all testy with me. So when the SDs arrived back, we sat everyone on the couch and I told them what we received from their mom, in fact DH brought up the text from BM and showed it to them, which they denied ever saying. So he then called BM, put her on speaker phone and said, "we have everyone here, what happened" She said what they said and here come the tears from SDs, totally busted.

We asked them why they would make up lies like this to their mom and how harmful this was and their reply was, "I thought they hit us"

So, my point is, bust them out with all parties and It won't happen again, guaranteed.

I would engage an attorney and go after BM for defamation of character with a vengeance. Own her lying ass and put her living under the local overpass for the rest of her miserable life.

I have zero tolerance for this kind of crap and would go after it with total destruction of BM in mind.

When DH talked to SD about it and showed her the video asking her why is she saying this, you should've recorded her answer as proof that you are not doing anything... maybe try something like this again and get proof..

but yes posters are correct, either your husband goes to the police with the video and give a declaration of the truth, with SD..., get SD in therapy or you simply leave, SD is only 4... are you prepared to loose your own children or sanity in the next 14-20 years because of this??

I had a similar situation with my batty BM as well. At the time SS was three and nonverbal. He threw a tantrum when we put sunscreen on him so we were a little bit too careful and he ended up with a very small sunburn under his eye. BM took the child to the doctor, who told her it was a sunburn. She insisted that it was a bruise. And insisted and insisted. In the medical records it says she repeatedly stated it must be a bruise or a black eye.

She then called CPS, and said I punched him in the face and gave him a black eye, and she submitted the medical records from the doctor as proof that it was a black eye. (Even though it only said that she repeatedly stated it was a black eye.) She crossed out the line where the doctor said it was a sunburn. Yes she was so crazy she submitted "evidence" of my abuse to CPS.

Luckily we already knew she was insane, so we had previously created a bunch of "body check" forms. Every time SS is picked up, he is undressed and inspected. Any marks bug bites sunburn or dirt are marked down on the form which we then both sign. Anything suspect is photographed and kept as evidence. When we sent SS home, we fill out another body check form, documenting his physical condition at the time he leaves.

The weekend that CPS suddenly showed up, SS had arrived with his entire torso covered in suspicious bruises. We filled out a body check form, drew the marks, and photographed them with the date and time.

When CPS arrived, the first thing the case worker wanted to do was check him for more signs of abuse. (And he was covered head to toe in suspicious bruises courtesy of BM) All body check forms and photographs were promptly handed over to her, together with a text message from the BM threatening to call CPS if DH continued to fight her for custody.
The caseworker left without even inspecting the house and promptly closed the investigation.

Pity they didn't bother to investigate BM.