IM STARTING TO DRINK ALOT!!!!!
OMG... me and my bf have been living together for 8 months now. I have a 4year old girl and a 2year old boy and my bf has an 11year daughter from Hell. please help me i pray everyday that things get better but they have gotten to the point where i cant stand to look or be in the same room as his daughter. i have tried so hard to over come some the spitful things she has done, since my bf fail to think that putting our toothbrushes in the toilet and eatting an entire pack of cookies in one day, etc.(The list goes on) isnt a big deal, i didnt want to seem like a petty B%tch!!!! I have just recently told her about her behavior and try to talk to my bf about things that we both could do to make things better for the sake of our relationship; i even had the ideal of moving out but not breaking up. nothing seems like a big deal to my bf and sometimes i think that maybe im being unreasonable to call it quits after investing 8months and allowing my children to be closer to him by moving in together. i'm so sick of hear she just needs time to adjust; my bf and his ex have been split up since she was 2 years old C'MON, my children have already adjusted to him and they happen to see there father every weekend and doesn't seem to have a problem with the woman in his life. i even try to have alone time with her by taking her to school and shopping but when we get home its always thet same thing....The Whinning, The Cry, The Tandrums she's 11 YEARS OLD!!! W T F?!!!im exhausted with trying to get along with the monster offspring my bf has created. she will be a teenager soon and doesn't seem like we are going to have any break-thru's since the sympathy i express for her is not being appreciated.i cannot and will not have a child run our household. i love my bf so much he's everything a woman could ever want in a man My Gosh he still open the door and surprise me with flowers at least twice a month,and he has a great relationship with my kids. What do i do????? I need another drink....
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You are heading into the
You are heading into the worst years of teenagedom :O Never any fund. Between DH and I we have 5 girls aged 20, 18, 17, 16, 14. Anyone want to talk about hormone hell.
At around 10 - 12 years old they turn into pustering bags of putrid hormones pulling outrageous crap that will blow your mind. Picture a big ass todler who is taller, bigger and much smarter and you have a tween! Nice eh!
They start to smooth out and mature between 16 and 18 years of age and you can start reasoning and providing guidance again.
Their little brains are going through a final rewiring which leaves them with massive gaps in their ability to fully understand the consequences of their actions. Henceforth, all the risk taking behaviour seen in teens and young adults.
By 24, their brains are fully rewired, their reasoning and thought processes are fully developed. At this time, you get to discover if you raised a dysfunctional adult or a fully functioning member of society.
Personally, I think all teens should be put on an island together and those that survive until adulthood can rejoin society. Ugh!
Here's the problems as I see
Here's the problems as I see them. Your SD is exhibiting some pretty aggressive behaviors (And putting your toothbrushes in a toilet? That's just DANGEROUS! Can anyone say Hepatitis B?)
Anyway, these types of problems WILL only get worse because your BF is not doing anything to discourage them. He clearly is one of those "Guilt Daddies" who has his head up his butt when it comes to his precious princess and because of this, SHE rules your home. And she knows it!
If you have talked to your BF in a mature, thoughtful, and honest manner regarding your concerns, and he is not listening to you about the problems with his daughter, and you then feel your ONLY solution to it is to DRINK, then this is is a big red flag. You have to be an effective mother to YOUR children, and this method of coping is not healthy for THEM.
Your BF may bring you flowers from time-to-time, but flowers die. What he really needs to do in order to be a TRULY amazing BF and FATHER is step up and PARENT HIS CHILD EFFECTIVELY. And listen to your concerns about it as well!
I bet if he came home and put his child in place with rules and consequences every day and helped your life and home become a more peaceful place to live, this would make your heart soar much more than a handful of flowers!
Just something to think about.
Personally, I think its God's
Personally, I think its God's cruel joke to make women perimenapausl (Ack, spelling, can't help it) or menapausal at the same time that our kids are becoming so hormal. It's my husband I feel sorry for. It's a living estrogen hell around here. He's outnumber 5 to 1.
thank you all for your
thank you all for your comments and advice! THANK GOD TOMORROW IS FRIDAY AND SHE GOES HOME!!!! now our house can return to its peace place it was before she came, until next friday.
Maybe I'm missing something
Maybe I'm missing something but what is the difference between drinking or taking drugs? They both work on your mind and liver.
You should be seeing a
You should be seeing a therapist, as well as trying other forms of relaxation, before taking a drug like Xanax. It is actually more addictive than alcohol- both physically and psychologically. Too many MDs prescribe it without individuals also addressing anxiety through means like therapy. The do not monitor it in the way that they should, for the most part, either.
The medical community would have you believe that Xanax, Atavan, even Ambien are relatively harmless- but they are actually potentially quite dangerous.
(my parents are physicians and my sister is a therapist, in case that adds any weight to my opinion)
I know exactly what you are
I know exactly what you are going through because I deal with the very same deal. It is because a child is given adult status in the home and is put before you in her father's life. In her mind, her place in the home is that of a wife/gf. You in her eyes are just the person around that her daddy sleeps with and that is around to cater to her and clean up after her.
Heyy im in a similar
Heyy im in a similar situation...my bf cannot discipline sd5 effectively...happily lets her eat way too much chocolate, have her own bottle of coke instead of sharing, starts a tantrum everytime she gets her own way, swearing a bit etc etc. I've told him he's not helping her by allowing her to get her own way all of the time but his argument is he only sees her every other weekend so doesnt want her to be upset everytime she's here. Whilst I understand what he's saying i cant carry on putting up with this!!She's turning into a spoilt bratt! Sorry I cant offer you much advice but you're not alone! Take Care x
BF needs to reel her in
BF needs to reel her in now!!.. those teenage years are coming fast, like a frieght train. Believe me she can run you over.
You really need to talk to BF and make him understand, no-one should be living with the enemy.
Maybe she needs counseling. Maybe she is looking for his attention.
It seems like you have a happy family live, minus SD, try and work it out with DH. things can change she is still young.