Imagine being a poopsieberry who needs to come home to mommy for your 36th birthday

Am I crazy? My god, my parents were not perfect but they did encourage independence. By 36, I owned a house and a mountain cabin and had a fulfilling life outside of my parents. Although I continued my relationships with them and their partners, I didn't feel the need for them to pamper me during holidays.

SS, the "digital nomad" is overseas (because it's el cheapo to live) has to come home every October because 1) His berffday 2) Fanksgiving and 3) Cwistmas. He acknowledges this! And it's all about Mommy, of course. WTF did you create, BM? This is ridiculous! Although I do think this time he is there to stay for months.

BMs who push enmeshment stifle/ruin their kids' growth. *One of my favorite Thanksgivings was in my 20s in a far-away state with friends of friends at the home of a writer/filmmaker, a home that offered warmth, great conversation, and fun. I valued company vs being coddled.

I just don't get it.

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My guess is its financially advantageous for SS to come to BM on those 3 occasions.

Yes. His "visits," some of

Yes. His "visits," some of which last for months, are both financially and emotionally driven. He has spoken with DH about "needing to be home for the holidays" because he misses "fam" holidays so much. "Fam" = primarily mommy and SD and sometimes mommy's family. But then the mooching always commences (that's when I believe BM probably suggests to SS that he "visit" us. . . that's a big NO).

Funny you mentioned this

I just had a showing of my vacancy to this literally batshit crazy single BM who brought her BM along to the tour. Crazy BM was 36 yrs old with two sons approximately six and five years old wearing winter boots when it was in the mid 80s outside.

Mommykins had to scope out the place for her while she stood in the middle of the living room acting dazed and confused telling me about her migraines that she gets from practically everything.

I wonder if she's one of

I wonder if she's one of those whose mommy accompanied her on job interviews, too.

Not this one

She's completely subsidized AKA government pet. Lucky for me she never bothered putting in the application which I bombarded her with paperwork when I suspect something is amiss.

Mom looked like a ugly, waddling, shorter version of the mom on "Everyone Loves Raymond."

He has no life. Neither does

He has no life. Neither does his BM.

We have made the holidays all over the world often with new friends, new communities, and had amazing experiences.

We also do try to get home to my family for the holidays periodically as well as to my ILs for the holidays though less frequently. The gatherings with my family are drama free and everyone gets along great. The gatherings with my ILs invariably include drama, hurt fee fees for someone, and heartbreak for my wife when her huge efforts get gutted by whoever is playing the "look at meeeeeee!" then hurt fee fee cards when they get crammed in a corner to pout. Though even with them pouting in the corner instead of crying and blabbering for attention everyone else is tense about that crap.

He has no life. Neither does

He has no life. Neither does his BM.

Spot on, particularly with regard to BM. Re: SS, you would think he had an exciting, vibrant life because of his constant travels, but he does not sustain relationships with others; therefore, there is this huge chunk missing from his life.

We have made the holidays all over the world often with new friends, new communities, and had amazing experiences.

I love that! SS can be funny and charming, so I always thought it would be easy for him to meet people and make friends, but he also has that very disappointing sense of entitlement, arrogance and rudeness which apparently turns people off throughout the country and world. These skids are glued to mommy in an unhealthy way for life. Oh well, as long as they leave us alone . . . .

We also do try to get home to my family for the holidays periodically as well as to my ILs for the holidays though less frequently. The gatherings with my family are drama free and everyone gets along great. The gatherings with my ILs invariably include drama, hurt fee fees for someone, and heartbreak for my wife when her huge efforts get gutted by whoever is playing the "look at meeeeeee!" then hurt fee fee cards when they get crammed in a corner to pout. Though even with them pouting in the corner instead of crying and blabbering for attention everyone else is tense about that crap.

Family gatherings can be a lot of fun (and, yea, a lot of drama)!
SS puts birthday-Thanksgiving-Christmas-New Years all in one box. I"m thinking that his mother told him or indicated to him as a child that starting in October and through New Year's Day was HIS SEASON. SS would have done well to be the true Christian his mother pretends to be and volunteered at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen one holiday.

Oh, well, just random ponderings of a SM.

Ponderings of a SParent. The

Ponderings of a SParent. The only fully clear view anyone truly has in so many blended relationships is the ponderings of a SParent.

SParents are not polluted by the genetic rose colored glasses, don't have the genetic mutation that thinks shit spawn all smell like roses, that toxic little bullshit is cute, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc........................

We win the marriage lottery and the SKid lottery when we happen upon a mate of true quality who can keep the rose colored glasses, mistaken rose scented nose, and adoration of toxic behaviors mutation under control.

Don't discourt your random ponderings of a (SParent). Unlike so many on the breeder side of a blended relationship, we tend to see reality with absolute clarity while they splash around in their shallow and polluted failed family genetic cess pools polluted with brain eating stanky pond scum microbes like they are pure spring water with water fairies backstroking around in them playing happily and nicely.

Trust reality. Adjust as events unfold.

The filtration system of boundaries and standards of behavior and performance can filter the effluent into at least potable water when we can get a partner to see reality and enforce those standards.

Hey. It could happen.

SParents are not polluted by

SParents are not polluted by the genetic rose colored glasses, don't have the genetic mutation that thinks shit spawn all smell like roses, that toxic little bullshit is cute, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc........................

We win the marriage lottery and the SKid lottery when we happen upon a mate of true quality who can keep the rose colored glasses, mistaken rose scented nose, and adoration of toxic behaviors mutation under control.

THIS!

I have way less tolerance for other people who have kids with no home training and expect you to sit back and say nothing while their kid attempt to t3rrorize you and everyone else around

Um NO!

Get ya spawn under control so I don't have to step in and do your job for you....and I don't do gentle parenting

my parents were not perfect

my parents were not perfect but they did encourage independence. By 36, I owned a house and a mountain cabin and had a fulfilling life outside of my parents

todays generation of skids is very coddled raised by their irrational guilt riddled bio parents who prefer gentle parenting, helicopter parenting, bulldozer parenting, lackadaisical parenting, permissive parenting, and Disneyland parenting

These kids are not built like our generation and prior

They're overly entitled, can't figure out how to manage their own lives to save their life, and highly dependent of parents and whoever else they can financially dominate