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Momneedshelp48's picture

Submitted by Momneedshelp48 on Fri, 01/08/2016 - 1:43pm

Hi, I am am mom of 4 and a stepson. I from the beginning had a grand delusion of everyone melding together so that when we were all together we would be a family. My stepson attitude changed as soon as me and his father for married. The tantrums started, I feel like he tries to manipulate his dad through his grandparents who spoil him and in turn it causes stress in our household before he even gets there. It is sad because the house runs like a family until he is in the mix. I have tried everything I can think of, but he doesn't talk to me...barely talks to his dad, only comes over when he wants or needs something from his dad.I need advice.

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i am a stepmother's picture

Submitted by i am a stepmother on Fri, 01/08/2016 - 2:00pm

How old is your Stepson & how long have you been married? Boys are extremely sensitive & emotional, and particularly in response to divorce or new partners/families. I know this goes against your feminine, maternal instincts but my advice would be to step away and don't do anything.

You will end up exhausted if you keep trying to 'fix' things because the truth is nothing you do will work OR be rewarded because he simply doesn't want your help. Don't take it personal. It can take years for boys to adjust and he's clearly struggling to figure out this new situation. Try not to make him feel like he's expected to be part of this big happy family. If possible, the best thing you can do is allow the boy to be alone with Dad when he visits. It would be great if your husband got on board and initiated regular one on one time, boys love the attention & really need lots of alone time with Dad. Smile

i am a stepmother's picture

Submitted by i am a stepmother on Fri, 01/08/2016 - 2:01pm

How old is your Stepson & how long have you been married? Boys are extremely sensitive & emotional, and particularly in response to divorce or new partners/families. I know this goes against your feminine, maternal instincts but my advice would be to step away and don't do anything.

You will end up exhausted if you keep trying to 'fix' things because the truth is nothing you do will work OR be rewarded because he simply doesn't want your help. Don't take it personal. It can take years for boys to adjust and he's clearly struggling to figure out this new situation. Try not to make him feel like he's expected to be part of this big happy family. If possible, the best thing you can do is allow the boy to be alone with Dad when he visits. It would be great if your husband got on board and initiated regular one on one time, boys love the attention & really need lots of alone time with Dad. Smile

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Fri, 01/08/2016 - 8:04pm

" The tantrums started, I feel like he tries to manipulate his dad through his grandparents who spoil him and in turn it causes stress in our household before he even gets there."

Why are the grandparents involved in what goes on between father and son?

"only comes over when he wants or needs something from his dad."

How old is SS and why is he allowed to set his own visitation?