Ex-H and I have an entirely amicable divorce. Not to say there weren't some rough times at first. I think we both have sadness about our divorce and have grieved it as a death. But we have remained what we were originally- friends. We were never compatible as lovers or as husband and wife- we were lucky to have our two children and as we see it, they were why we were together when we were.

Because our divorce was/is amicable, there was no pressure for people to take sides or pick which one of us they wanted to remain friends with. Unfortunately, we both "lost" people in the process of divorcing. Three years later, I am grieving the death of one of the final friendships that I thought had withstood the process. I think that the birth of DS4mo. was the trigger. They spoke to me throughout the pregnancy, I saw them frequently, and then one day they were gone- in the manner of a rude phone call, they took their friendship and our history away. They now pretend that I do not exist. They are my former in-laws, and they have not said one word about me or the baby to DS8 or DD6. There is a huge part of my children's lives that these people will not talk to them about. Whatever their reasons are, it's sad. [To be clear, since I think I've written about them on here before, I realize it's not a huge loss- I'm pretty sure that ex-h's dad has some type of personality disorder, he has been verbally abusive to ex-h's mom for as long as I've known them and she has LET HIM.....ex-h was raised around this dysfunction and is finally learning what a healthy adult relationship should look/feel like (he and his gf are great together and I love seeing him in love). All I've been concerned about since the births of my older two kids is that they grow up understanding that that is NOT how they should treat people and that they should NOT let anyone treat them that way; they identify when the guy is rude or abusive to their Nonnie and for that I am content.] Additionally, these people stay in touch with my parents, and my parents never come visit us without also stopping in to see ex-h; they have remained close and they value him as the father of their oldest grandchildren.

So knowing that I cannot control this, and that I must therefore let it go, I got to thinking about why people would feel they had to "choose" in a situation like this. Does one's self-imposed choice to remain friends with one person and not the other have to do with their upbringing? With society's discomfort around divorce? With religion? With the individual's comfort regarding their own relationship? Is it inverse to how much they like themselves?

I'd love to know others' thoughts on this. Obviously in my situation, ex-in-laws choosing to end the relationship can almost even be rationalized- but I wonder if anyone else out there has lost relationships for no good reason?