So I've been married to my DH for almost 2 years now. He has two daughters 15 and 11, I have 4 kids. 1 girl and 3 boys all under 8 y/o. My children adore my DH and consider him their bonus dad as their father is no longer in the picture. My DH has been accepted since day one and he has never had to deal with angry and disrespectful attitudes. My DH treats them as his own and when it's just us we feel like a natural family. I on the other hand have not been so lucky. 

I understand I came into my SDs lives at an age where their emotions are more mature and have a huge feeling of resentment towards me. I try not to let them get to me, and to their faces they "dont" but deep down they make my blood boil. I could honestly never see them again and I wouldn't loose a wink of sleep. I feel like a monster sometimes for feeling this way. I've always hoped that one day if I ever became a SP that i would love my DH children as my own, but unfortunately that is not the case. It's not that I cant it's that they make it hard to do so. I've read blogs and have done research on how to blend families, what to do when SKids dont want to accept you and I've tried EVERYTHING. I give them their space and try not to force myself on them, I try to include them in all family aspects, I've tried to do one on one time. I've tried letting my DH spend alone time with them, I've gotten babysitters and tried spending time with just them and my DH. No matter what nothing works and I'm to the point where I want to hide and never see them again. But I'm a realist and understand that is not a healthy solution. 

Some back story. Sorry it will be long but I need to vent as everyone I have talked to gives me the Same bullshit story. "They are kids, dont let them get to you." But how do you not let them get to you. 

Let's go back a few years.... when my DH and I first started dating and his Ex found out I was in the picture, she made it very clear that I was not to be around her children. She was their mother and I would not come in and try to replace her and they would NEVER CALL ME MOM. I wasnt allowed to see them but somehow During our dating years I recieved nasty letters from the oldest daughter and snap chats calling me a WHORE. When my DH called to discipline SD she refused to answer his call. He then called EX and she laughed and said well what would you like me to do. This behavior continued until the EX wife met her boyfriend. Randomly one day she tells DH that he needed to start doing over nights at our house instead of picking up SDs for the day because she wanted her alone time with her new boyfriend. We started having them over and trying to break down the damage she had caused. They viewed me as a homewrecker and the evil Stepmom. But I told my SD i would not hold all the nasty things she said and did to me over her head and we would start fresh. I told her I just wanted to be her friend and not her new mommy and I will be here in anyway she needed me to be. Things went ok at first, but then the competition began. He couldn't show me or my children any attention. They would go home and say I was mean and yelled at them, glared at them and treated them horrible and my kids got the royal treatment. I've always left discipline up to my DH so if there was an issue I would address him so he could address it. I then became the nagging SM who was "picking" on his children. But non the less I still kept my emotions inside in front of them. On Christmas my children had an extra present while wrapping and I told my DH we needed to buy them one more to be even. He said it was ok because they get 4 Christmas and one present wouldnt hurt. I still didn't think that was fair, so I went out and bought them each one extra present with my own money. Come Christmas day they hated every present and stopped talking to my DH for a month, refusing to come over because my kids got better gifts and they were left out. But let me tell you. My kids got black Friday gifts and his kids got 80 dollar shoes, nail kits, movies, giftcards. You name it. Finally my DH got his kids to come around again. But during that time they came and hid in their room and refused to join in. Which is fine because they are becoming teenagers. But then they would complain that my DH wouldnt spend time with them. One time they came over for his birthday and didnt say a word to him. They hid in their room and then called their mom to leave early and then said we ignored them the whole time. On fathersday they text the day before saying they didnt want to come over and then the day after they send mean text saying who doesnt spend fathers day with their own children. And that he needs to pick me or them now. These little brats are manipulative and think they are entitled and can control their father. My DH has said he is not picking me and he is not picking them. He is picking US. I have not done anything justifiable to warrant a break up and they need to just accept that we are together. 

 I could rant on and on. But who has time to read my whole life. Lol. So I guess here come the real part. ADVICE from anyone and anyone. Am I wrong to hate my step kids. Am I wrong to never want to see them. They are back on a, I hate you kick and have refused to come over for a month again and my DH is ready to say enough is enough and make them come back over. As a parent I understand. He loves his kids. But for me I dont love them and life has been so calm and enjoyable with out them in it. Help.