So why am I still not happy?
SO and I had the conversation Thursday night over dinner. My mom watched our son so we could hash things out and decide if moving forward together was something we both wanted. He agreed to work on the things I brought up and he had a few points about myself that I should work on. He has even been considerate and is doing the things he said he would.
So why am I still not able to "get it up" in the happiness department?
His kid is here this weekend, and she picks up my son like he's her personal doll... It makes me so angry I have to leave the room. He doesn't think this is a problem, and it's a sketchy area because it's our kid vs his kid and he doesn't think she'll drop him. This girl can't even keep herself on two feel all the time, but sure let her swing around our 1yr old because he laughs and thinks it's fun. Newsflash - he trusts absolutely everyone to hold him and swing him and not drop him. HE'S ONE! He doesn't know better! I had to go shower and go to bed early last night before I punched him in the face. That could be hormones possibly - because there have been times in the past month where I've wanted to punch him for not doing the dishes.
Maybe it's me, maybe it doesn't really matter what he does because I'm not ever going to be secure enough to deal with his past and our past. He did the damage to our relationship three years ago when he thought the grass was greener elsewhere... and I've been fooling myself into thinking I could get over it. I'm starting to think it wouldn't matter if he was truly faithful and wanted to marry me "for real" because I wouldn't believe him anyway. What's going to be enough for me? Maybe the answer is nothing. With him, maybe nothing will ever be enough to make up for the past.
I'm in a low place right now.
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Comments
Once you lose someone's
Once you lose someone's trust, it's pretty hard to get it back. It's impossible for some people to get over infidelity.
MissE two things here. 1. My
MissE two things here. 1. My bio daughter is not allowed to carry around our DD. She's strong enough but I am not happy about it. SS is not allowed to do anything with DD for a number of reasons. I understand being over protective. You're not alone in this. 2. Infidelity is almost impossible to forgive. Have you considered couples counseling if you really want to go on with this man?
Sending you big hugs.
SO isn't the type to go to
SO isn't the type to go to counseling, he thinks he's said he sorry and that should be enough. He's also said he's gotten past the point where he's going to tolerate my lack of trust because he's "done his time" for the indiscretion.
I just don't think a 10 year old should be handling my son like he's her personal play toy, because if she should ever drop him - sorry will never cut it, and her father will never see that it was a mistake to trust her with that.
I guess I did think that at some point I would've lived this "life" long enough to get over my issues with SO from our past, but I think sueu2 is right - I keep waiting for enough and what's going to end up happening to me is that my hand will be forced because something terrible will happen.
I'd take Sues advice about
I'd take Sues advice about becoming secure in your own standards of what you will and won't accept.
Do you love this man? Does he make you happy? Weigh the negatives and the positives. Did he cheat three years ago but since then you have built a good relationship and he has worked to be a faithful, loving, honoring husband and good father to your child? ( sorry, I've been away from the boards so have many posters stories to catch up with )
you CAN'T forgive him because
you CAN'T forgive him because he has never asked you to. "doing his time" doesn't cut it. he has to be remorseful and willing to do WHATEVER it takes to allow trust to grow again. he has not and will not. you will not be happy with this man. I would be worried about what another poster said, however about you not being around when he receives visitation. i'd begin living my own life, doing what makes you and your baby happy.