Does your husband treat his child with you different to his step children?????

How long has he been in their life? Is their bio dad in their life?

First, having the same love for children that aren't yours as that of children who are is *very* difficult and rare. Not that it doesn't happen but it could take years and years, and sometimes it doesn't happen at all. It's not something anyone can control, you can't force someone to feel something they don't, and you definitely can't blame them for it either.

Second, as far as liking/loving them one minute and then extremely irritated by them the next....don't you get like this with them yourself? I know I do with my own children, and I can't imagine how often that will happen once they become teenagers.

Third, as far as being harsh and without feeling when communicating...that could be how he is wired. He A) may not be comfortable/vulnerable enough with them to communicate to them with feeling or Alot of men have difficulty in this area with anyone

I think the best thing you can do is accept where he is at right now with his connection/feelings towards your children. Don't force it or get angry if what he feels or doesn't feel doesn't meet your expectations, because no matter how angry/disappointed you get, it's still not going to change it. It's not an on/off switch. Also, because you feel this way, you analyze everything he does, and you might be making something he is or isn't doing about his feelings for your children, or lack thereof, when it has nothing to do with it.

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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

Simple...pick a neighbor's kid...not one that is well behaved and not one that is horrible...just one at random that you know nothing about...next, try to love that kid...whether the kid spits in your face or treats you nicely, remind yourself you are told you must love them...and never correct them if they do disrespect you...that's what it's like...let us know how the experiment goes

I am both a bio and step parent. I try to explain stepparenting to other people this way:

Imagine you are dating someone, you fall in love with them. You know they have children but you don't date the kids, you don't fall in love with the kids. Hell in my case, you don't even MEET the kids until you are more than six months in and you've already fallen for the person. Then as your dating the person, you spend a little bit of time with the kids here and there but you are not their parent, they don't expect you to be and you don't expect yourself to be. Then you marry and WHAM!! You are expected to fall in love with those children and feel about them as you would your own. Don't work that way. Imagine if someone dropped off the neighborhood kids at your door and told you to live with them everyday and love them like your own but ultimately they will still think of other people as mother and father and it is other people that will set the rules for discipline and accountability with those kids....uhhh, hello? It's tough.

Here are the things your children and your husband have the right to expect out of their relationship:
1) respect (goes both ways)
2) care and concern for their lives
3) love (BUT and this is the big one, they must give love to expect love in return. And you must accept that the love he gives your daughters is probably different than the love he feels for his bio-children. Not every step parent feels this way but some do and that is there prerogative. I know I do. My bio daughter grew in my belly. I've known every moment of her life and she adores me because I am mommy. I love my stepdaughter because she is a good person, because she brings joy to my life and because she is the child of the man I love. But I can not say that the love I feel for one is in anyway the same as the love I feel for the other.)