SD17 alienating family
SO's family, which isn't shocking. Her personality is what it is, and although she's a beautiful young woman, she doesn't have the little kid cuteness to excuse it anymore. She craves attention, whether positive or negative, she's loud, rude, and has gotten into verbal fights with all her aunts and uncles. (Possibly minor physical incidents, as she's mentioned giving people small slaps. She's done it to my hand, and to her grandfathers arm in front of me). SO's parents and brothers have cancelled the last few planned visits when the SD's are involved, only to invite SO and I up alone later on.
I don't see her much, and SD17 will be rude to everyone else in my presence, but then say "I didn't mean Merrigan!" and she does seem genuine. We can sometimes connect over cooking and tv shows we both like. As she's gotten older, she's stopped constantly following me around. It's due to my disengagement, which was sad but necessary. If I hadn't, she'd still be calling me stupid and boring, or telling me to shut up. Which she just continues to do to everyone else.
I just write this stuff down to continue helping my disengagement. It's just a reminder why, and to help me not feel guilty about it.
- Merrigan's blog
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I re-read
posts and the last text Feral Forger SD22 sent me, as a reminder to not feel guilty.
I've read a lot of your posts
I've read a lot of your posts and blogs, and I feel for you. Your SD22 is a piece of work. SD17 would probably be more like her, but she hasn't gotten into drugs, alcohol, or sex yet. Lord have mercy if she does.
What does your DH say?
How does your DH feel about her behavior?
He admits to it when he's
He admits to it when he's feeling low, and when she used to insult me directly, but he still thinks of her as a little girl. He says he sees her as the cute toddler she used to be. His family doesn't. She has a minor physical disability that he's used to treat her as a frail child all her life. I've recently seen her trying to somewhat rebel against him trying to do everything for her. She's now involved in a week long workshop for independent living to prepare her for college and living on her own next year, but he's not helping her by waiting on her all the time. She's smart and capable of being independent, but he's so attached to needing her to need him.
It still sucks that I can't like her. He pushed her so hard on me in the beginning to be her best friend, which of course backfired. He wanted someone to like her so badly.
Everyone she slaps needs to slap her silly in return.
Make that a family agreement.
Self defense is perfectly accepable. I do not mean a minor retaliatory slap. I mean a raised hand print shaped RED welt on the side of her face slap that she needs to climb up from the floor after regaining consciousness.
Bet it only takes once to end that slapping crap from her. The tiptoeing around her crap is why she pulls it and it gives her power. Take her power away by inflicting intollerable pain when she gets slappy.
I appreciate your advice Rags
I appreciate your advice Rags. This is what my family would have done (and did!) when I was growing up. It's not in my nature however to do the same, and if I did, my relationship would be over and BM would have assault charges pressed asap. And then I'd lose my job. Best just to remove my presence (and money, electronics, and time) instead.