HELP...Feeling crazy!!
Ok....where do I start? I have been married Since July. I have a seven year old daughter from a previous marriage and two step daughters 11 and 13. We also have a one year old boy together. My husband and I have been together for four years.
Until this past fall I lived about an hour away and had a full time teaching job. It was just my daughter and I for a few years. I was used to doing things a certian way and pretty laid back. My daughter has a great relationship with her dad who is also remarried. I have no major issues with my x and we communicate only about our daughter. We pretty much respect one anothers space.
I moved to a city area to be with my husband and create our family. The main reason I made the move is so that he can be close to his daughters. We have them a week and then his xwife has them a week. Basically I have two kids part of the month and 4 kids the other. His xwife lives down the street from us. I feel like I cannot get myself into a groove and I do not feel like I am home. It has been the hardest 8 months of my life.
The x wife still has a close relationship with many of my husbands family members. It really makes me feel like an outsider. My daughter does not see her father as much as she used to. I spend a good deal of my time driving my step daughters wehrever they want to go bc his x does not have a car. I have so much resentment and feel terribly overwhelmed.
I don't know if I am cut out for this and often want to get out of my situation. I also took another teaching job and I have one of my stepdaughters in class. I really love my step kids, but I resent all the changes I made. My daughter is a fun loving easy kid. I don't feel that my husband treats her as well as I treat his girls. He is constantly on her back about things that I feel are not major. Mostly keeping her room neat and stuff. His tone with her is not loving like it is with his kids.
I have much to bitch about, but just wanted to get the ball rolling with an overview of the situation. Does anyone else find this stepmother/new wife thing to be majorly depressing???
- megan bertholon's blog
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Comments
Yes, many of us feel the same
Yes, many of us feel the same way! Some of us have found our lives were better, more peaceful, less dramatic and frustrating before being a stepmom.
I always feel like my kids have paid a price for my remarriage.
My DH does treat me bios good, but I can't stand his ex or his kids....they are just horrid.
All I can say is try to look out for you and your kids.
I'm sorry you are going through this....many people on here know EXACTLY how you feel.
It's a dragon we never can seem to slay.
Good luck
Meg, Welcome, I hope you find
Meg,
Welcome, I hope you find this a good place to vent, contribute and pick up some useful advice from others who are living the blended family dream.
It sounds like your blended family situation is fairly typical for a yours, mine and ours family make up.
I don't have the same situation that you have to deal with. My wife and I have been married for nearly 17yrs and have only one kid, my SS-18 who just left for the USAF.
I would recommend that you sit your DH down 1:1 and lay out your concerns about how he interfaces with your daughter and that you expect him to rectify the situation immediately. A video camera or tape recorder may help you get the message across to him about how he speaks to your DD. I would also use the 1:1 discussion, which should be a fairly regular event IMHO, to share how you are feeling with your DH. As equity partners and parents in your marriage he should understand what you are dealing with and feeling and step up to help reduce your anxiety with the blended family situation.
As for the beck and call SM situation, I would let DH know that the beck and call shuttle is about to come to an end and that BM needs to step up, get a car and start contributing to the kid schlepping duties.
All IMHO of course.
Good luck.