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Transitions - Do all step kids have trouble with the change in location?

medusa's picture

Submitted by medusa on Tue, 06/29/2010 - 2:01pm

DH and I just finished a full week with SD12. It was basically good, but went down hill towards the end. PMS makes this kid a raging lunatic. And then she seem to have to transition back to her BM house with a argument and prepare. Does it help her to walk in and say she had an swful time and we are awful people?

We've talked to her and told her that we realize that it is very hard for her to change from "no rules" with BM to "normal rules" with us and we have complimented her on her ability to handle it. Usually that is true, but for the past visit it was not.

Anybody got any magic to make these incoming and outgoing transitions any easier?

Comments

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Tue, 06/29/2010 - 2:06pm

Good luck. This was us two years ago. BM had no rules so every transition back to our house on Mondays was a nightmare. We have 50/50. SD14 now no longer wishes to live here. You would have to read the blogs to see how it went from not listening to a change in the CO. She will play you and ultimately you will lose because the courts favor this horrific BM that believe in being the child's friend and not their parent. Good luck. The transitions always suck and still do with SS11. He is mouthy on the Monday. Gets absolutely disrespectful. Difference now is I no longer ignore and call him out on it. Wait until she turns 14. It sucks.

Lovepets's picture

Submitted by Lovepets on Tue, 06/29/2010 - 2:42pm

Hi Medusa good topic! Sadly it seems that they do Sad My FSD7 struggles when she has to go back to BM's for her long stay and then the first night back with us. Any suggestion from Steps with success regarding this would be greatly appreciated by me!

SteppingUp's picture

Submitted by SteppingUp on Tue, 06/29/2010 - 4:34pm

Hmmm...maybe it's not necessarily having anything to do with switching households in this 12 year old's case...maybe it's just coincidence that she gets moody around that time. I feel like my skids are peaceful for the first half of their stay...then they "settle in" and get a little snotty/moody, too.

You know how when you are visiting someone and it's all fine and dandy for the first part of the trip and everyone seems to put on a little bit of a "show" to be very kind and generous? But after awhile it gets a little annoying and it's taxing to be staying at someone's house? Maybe that's how it is for them too! I guess my only suggestion is to keep trying to communicate with her about what her issues/stressors are.

MissTAKEN's picture

Submitted by MissTAKEN on Tue, 06/29/2010 - 4:42pm

Don't you wish kids had a "reset button"? I know I sure do! It usually takes a few hours for SS to re-adjust (he is young still, only 7) to our household. The one with RULES, and standards, the one that demands respect for the parents, and all that MEAN stuff! Then you throw PMS in on top of that?!? Whew... you have your hands full! I think it is somewhat "normal". Or at least a lot of us experience it.

I have no magic answer. All I can say is continue to stand your ground!